Me too.
What a relief that today mine ebb and flo. Eventhough there might not be much of a break between them, at least they arent tsunamis anymore. I never used to get a chance to breathe.
It sounds like you are taking care of yourself so well, I have been trying too. Lets get to bed sober tonight so we have a chance at doing such a good job again tomorrow.
No tsunamis!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!
Yes. Sober today for better health!
Surviving the day minute by minute. Started the day with uncontrollable sobbing. Canceled plans with friends. Napped. Now I’ve been crocheting and watching college football. I’m always surprised when people are kind and understanding. I’m not used to it and don’t always feel like I deserve it. It tends to make me super emotional. I feel very fragile.
brief check in before my full one tonight.
been struggling with food a lot. I eat a granola bar for breakfast, bring a lunch to work and no dinner. my lunches went from being meals to a granola bar and crackers. I felt fine but this last week of work I’ve been feeling very faint towards the end of the day. Thursday and Friday everytime I bent down I felt like I was gonna pass out.
a few months ago I had a meal at a restaurant and ate it fine. today I had the same meal (toast, hashbrowns, sausage, and pancakes) and had to force myself to just eat the sausage toast, and a few bites of hashbrowns. I felt sick for a while after because I was so full.
it just feels out of my hands now. I don’t know how to get myself back on track and I don’t even really want to be back on track at this point. ive always found it rewarding to watch myself decline
I hope you get back on track asap
The meal sounds yummy and healthy. I’m sorry it got you a bit too full.
We need food for energy
Do you think it’s a certain type of food that doesn’t agree??
Day 8 sober almost complete
Baby sitting with the wifey
Have a peaceful day or night
Evening Check In
Day 272
Enjoying a bit of time watching our fish tank right now. I find it soo relaxing.
Thank you for your words Julia 
I think a “Letting go Ceremony” is the perfect way to give yourself a sense of closure from that painful part of your past. I have begun to write the letters you suggested and am planning my own ceremony soon. Your fishtank is very beautiful and very soothing to look at.
I didnt realise your son had a tracheostomy. What an amazing mum he has that you are able to manage it and change it for him at home.
You sound so much more centred this post. That makes me very happy 
Thank you 
I say i forgive myself… but I truly dont. I can forgive others for what they did but i cant forgive myself. I just cant. Out of everyone that hurt me… i probably hurt myself the most. But i was also not well and i really just wanted feel okay in my own skin. I just wanted to survive and somehow things got wayyy out of hand. I hope this whole phase ive been in lately with my rollelrcoaster emotions ends asap.
Honestly i dont know what to say about ur post. It really touched me. It really, really did. I just really appreciated what u said. It made me feel like what happened wasnt a whole waste, like something came good out of it. I just wanna hug you. Thank you for caring and being an incredible human being and friend
Hey lady! I do feel a bit better today. Jusf workinf thru it. How are YOU feeling though from starting ur letters? Hope ur managing okay thru them. Please know that we are all here for. You are always welcome to message me too if u need 
He does have a tracheostomy. Along with a gtube and an ivad port. This all stems from his brianstem tumor. His ivad port is coming out in december!! Yay!! But his trach and gtube will be with him for a very long time. He doesnt have a prognosis as his tumor is rare but its stable amd hasnt grown in over a year, thanks to chemotherapy! So we are happy. Hes my world! My husband and I change it at home. Hes had it since he was 2. It helps him and protects his upper airway
Sending lots of your way
I hope you enjoyed your swim 
Day 252 again
Went over, didnt drink. Ate a lot 
Did my 15 minutes of cleaning at night. Pretty much just litter box and laundry basket but the room is farther away from Bad and that is a win.
I am sending you a big virtual hug 
I’m glad you got to relax with your aquarium today! It looks so calming with all the fishies 
It’s so great to hear that his tumor hasn’t grown!! Is the chemotherapy goal to shrink it more?
What a strong little man and strong mama too! I really look forward to reading how your day went. And I always hope to see that things have gone well for you. Because you are so sweet and caring and just truly amazing and you deserve to have all the best days! I am not as good at expressing myself as you are, and I don’t always have the right words but just know that I am rooting for you and even though I am a mess, you make this sobriety thing attainable.
Hey my friend! How are you feeling now?
Youre incredible! U dont need the “perfect” words honestly to express urself. They are truly perfect in their own way. And I know that u care. Just as i care so much about u and ur day and ur family uv become a wonderful friend on TS to me 
and i also go to ur thread when i see u posting to see how YOUR day went lol its like we think alike lol the goal was to shrink his tumor. They cant surgically remove it bcuz its woven into his brainstem but the goal was to keep it stable. If it does shrink than thats a plus!!! His first year of chemo didnt do much. His 2nd year of chemo actually shrunk his tumor by about 1/3. And it has remained stable that way for over a year now its a win in our books!
3 posts were merged into an existing topic: Foodies Unite #6 (trigger warning food) ANOTHER ONE BITES THE CRUST!
I had a vivid dream in which I woke up hungover and couldn’t remember what had happened the night before. I was trying to piece together where I had been by looking at the maps app and camera roll on my phone. I don’t really miss that.
In other news I hit 519 days today. And turned 44. Grateful for calm and peaceful weekends.
