Hey Karen, you can absolutely do this and that you’ve not drunk so far even tho you feel shitty is proof of that. I’m proud of you. Even if it feels as it does now, you’re doing it sober.
You don’t need it. It doesn’t help and you need to stop making yourself believe it does. You know it’s lies. Don’t go back home with the mindset that you’ll go back to the bottle. You can fight this out. It’s up to you and you alone. You have that choice.
It would be good to de-tangle the current mass of anxiety inducing unpleasantness ahead of you. I think I read of a non-judgemental sister somewhere. Can you grab that sister and tell her to just shut up and listen to you and be there for you for 30min while you tell her how hard it is and cry it out? Get a few hugs? Get some human connection? That is THE antidote to depression and that feeling that you’re all alone forever with your shit and nothing will ever change.
You are with family and they care or they would not have intived you up. I know family can be horribly difficult, I’ve posted about my own often enough, but it seems they as least want you there and care. So you can engineer a situation where you actually get to feel some of their love for you. I think that would be good. You seem incredibly lonely to me. But loneliness is never a one sided thing. Is has the aspects of something being given and also of something being received and being able to fall into soft soil so it can leave a mark. So to speak.
Next step. You are on a sobriety forum. Have you looked around at the myriads of other threads and what ppl do on here to get and stay sober? Which of these things are you doing? Cos just not drinking does not work, especially not if you got mental health issues. I’m one of the lucky ones with a very demanding and kamikazi brain aswell so you can take my word for it. I don’t know if you seen this: Resources for our recovery
Look through, pick three things, make one of them AA zoom meetings and start today.
I also advise for one to be some form of exercise, can be any thing you want/don’t hate, because being in your body creates mindfulness and relaxation that helps with depression too. That’s why a lot of ppl exercise in in the first place. Me too.
Stick with your things. If you hate them, mix and match. But give the meetings a fair chance. Couple of months. Transfer to f2f at some point since you are so alone. It’ll help. Keep us updated on your progress. Thats one thing you already are doing that is very beneficial, staying connected here, so that’s plus.
You can do this Karen, there is no reason you cannot if I could and I was just as miserable as you, and so many others could say the same. but you gotta kick into gear and find the things that you need to do to get and stay sober. We all have to do that. It does not just happen. For anyone. You can. You can. You can.
We’re here for you supporting you. Especially us other folks with miserable hurting brains. 
Edit I hear there’ll be a TS zoom today so imma put that link to the relevant thread here TS zooms! Welcome! - #187 by Mephistopheles.