I’m so happy for you being able to make amends!!
And I hope your anxiety subsides soon 
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Im glad things havd calmed down a bit for you. Theres many ways to workout 
when i either cant make it to the gym or i dont feel like working out, i usually clean. Its still physicsl activity in a sense. I throw on some music and get my clean on idk what time it is there but just a suggestion
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Wow!!! Way to go! U dont need that stuff! Proud of u!
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tonight will be day 269 of no self harm
I don’t know how I made it through yesterday without hurting myself but I did. I ended up talking to my best friend on the phone for probably about 3 hours until he went to bed and I felt okay enough to be on my own. I was actually able to talk about some things in my past that I have never told him before or really told anybody. he could tell that something was on my mind and when he asked I kind of panicked and just kept saying"nope" dozens of times every time he would try to elaborate. I’ve known him for 4 years now and he said he’s never seen me react to that strongly to anything so he knew something was wrong. I got what I needed to say out it was very hard, but my brain was telling me I needed to share these things and not deal with them alone no matter how difficult and awful they were. it was just a small details about my past, but it’s just loops in my mind until I’m able to tell someone and I could not stand that looping anymore so I just blurted it all out.
today was a little rough. I only got about 4 hours of sleep, my night wasn’t terrible after my friend went to bed I was just still wide awake. not really any bad feelings just not tired. a lot of panicking and issues over food today, but I ate and ordered some pizza. I’m just super emotional still from yesterday. it doesn’t help that tomorrow is Saturday which means I have to see my family all over again. and for an even longer period of time.
something positive: my grandpa is taking me to lunch at my favorite restaurant tomorrow. I also got paid, so I bought myself some gel pens to color with
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Days
46 drug free
176 SH free
10 eating every day
Wrapping up another long week. Feeling down tonight. Not much to say. Will have to make a doctor’s appointment to rule out some potential health issues… Kinda feel like it’s not worth it. If I’m sick, oh well. I know that’s not a good mindset… But it’s how I’m feeling today. I know it will pass…but for now I’m letting it happen because I’m too tired to deal with anything
Another night that there are drugs within reach, and I’m not super happy about that either.
But …
I do hope y’all are having a better day sending love to my TS family
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Wow girl!!! Yay!!! Sooo proud of you 
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Congratulations!! You’ve made it 60 days already! Here’s to you! 
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1267
Have as good a day as you can friends. Love.
@ReeBee28 Big congrats on reaching 60 days! Awesome work lady.
@SadMemeQueen I’d say quite a lot of positives after such a hard day. Congrats & keep going.
@Scorpn Hoping for a good night for you. Restful restorative sleep. Hugs.
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Its an online course, its quite intense but i already know alot of sign language from pevious job.
Its something iv always wanted to do.
How ae you doing ?
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Congratulations 
60 days is amazing!
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That’s a funny coincidence. I listen to a sleepcast about a fictional Scottish Loch and there icebathing is a thing. Since I heard these I’ve been really eager to try it as a sober New Years event.
I would appreciate if you let me know about the outcomes of your research?
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Haha funny!
You can c yesterday’s ice foot bath on sober leg selfies. I am just on my way to the river again to start the day 
It pushes immediately endorphins and heat in your body.
A new years ritual is a good idea as it’s professionally accompanied …
There is something like that on a bigger lake in my area.
This time I am not in Germany.
But i will watch out for going on this process of ice bathing anyway. Glad to hear about someone who is interested too.
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Today I am driving to my boyfriend’s home, we will go out for dinner tonight with another couple. I don’t know them yet. They are colleagues of my boyfriend.
I am very determined not to drink alcohol. I am prepared. Well, I am! Since years I am here, reading hearing stories about alcohol. Oh yes, it’s a long, long way for me.
I hope, somebody will ask why I don’t drink alcohol. I have prepared a lot of possible answers:
I have a headache.
I am taking antibiotics.
I hade that bad accident, want to stay healthy now
I just do detox for beauty (this I like most, because it’s superficial and without deep sense)
My triggers:
This picture in my brain: bottle of wine, glases of wine, candle light, laughing, relaxing, beautiful environment.
My reality:
How I can get more wine without getting to much attention?
Give me the whole bottle…
The wine hasn’t enough %alcohol.
Why don’t you give me more wine (as a lady I have to wait, till the man fills the glas again. I know, old style, but that are the rules here. Torture for a addicted woman, I can tell you!)
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Congratulations to 2 months of sobriety for you, lady! 
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It’s 3am here. Just woke up from a horrible nightmare and now I’m scared to go back to sleep. So I guess I’m up now. Day 2.
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Day 56
I just woke up from a dream I have to tell you about. Usually I forget them but when not they’re kinda important for me I guess.
I was going up a hill that is packed with shops. There is one shop I used to like a lot in the past so I walk in. The interior is absolutely strange and I can’t find any nice clothes because it’s so chaotic. I keep on walking through because I know at the end of this store is a nice place to sit and watch the mountains behind it (me, with fear of heights 
).
Just before the door I almost run into a guy. Black, short wavy hair and brown green-ish eyes. We look at each other and it instantly clicks.
I go past him, out of the store and take a seat with a nice view.
I pick up my phone and start writing about him, that sometimes you see people that are so beautiful that they instantly catch you.
I feel that someone is staring at me from behind and I turn around. It’s him, smiling at me because he read what I wrote on my phone.
End.
My subconscious makes nice things sometimes 
Anyway, I’m still laying in bed. Time to get up and have a shower. Then breakfast and then grocery shopping 
Have a beautiful sober day friends 
Stay strong 
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I’m very interested in Ice bathing and the Wim Hof method too but every time I’m in the shower I don’t do it
Maybe I should just have a cold bath but I don’t know with what temperature to start.
Cold showers and baths are good for our nervous system and help to regulate it.
Edit: I just found something! It’s recommend to start with 18°C and slowly go down to 14°C 
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My sleeping isn’t great at all, but addiction wise I’m OK. Thanks for asking!
I was hiking this morning again. We had to stop, because they’re hunting wild boar and forget to put a sign up. That was not a pleasant experience, when somebody is looking your way with a rifle.
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