Solid win brother!
Hey, just checking in on you. How was lunch with your sister?
Hope you had a good day
Hey @Scorpn my sister was like why are we getting togetherā¦im like well we need to plan moms 70thā¦and i need to make an amends. This amends was one drunken decision years ago that i knew affected her trust in me so im glad we aired that out. It was well received and we went on with coffee. Making an amends is scary and humbling but the relief sets you free. I feel amazing about it
Now i just need to deal with the anxious energy and addictive thoughts grrr
Still here ! Day 5 i believe ā¦? Im going to work my second last bar shift ever which im very nervous about because it can be triggering. Ive done it sober in the past but Im just feeling anxious today. Second last because Im putting my sobriety first and quitting that industry. Wish me luck !
Iām so happy for you being able to make amends!!
And I hope your anxiety subsides soon
Im glad things havd calmed down a bit for you. Theres many ways to workout when i either cant make it to the gym or i dont feel like working out, i usually clean. Its still physicsl activity in a sense. I throw on some music and get my clean on idk what time it is there but just a suggestion
Wow!!! Way to go! U dont need that stuff! Proud of u!
tonight will be day 269 of no self harm
I donāt know how I made it through yesterday without hurting myself but I did. I ended up talking to my best friend on the phone for probably about 3 hours until he went to bed and I felt okay enough to be on my own. I was actually able to talk about some things in my past that I have never told him before or really told anybody. he could tell that something was on my mind and when he asked I kind of panicked and just kept saying"nope" dozens of times every time he would try to elaborate. Iāve known him for 4 years now and he said heās never seen me react to that strongly to anything so he knew something was wrong. I got what I needed to say out it was very hard, but my brain was telling me I needed to share these things and not deal with them alone no matter how difficult and awful they were. it was just a small details about my past, but itās just loops in my mind until Iām able to tell someone and I could not stand that looping anymore so I just blurted it all out.
today was a little rough. I only got about 4 hours of sleep, my night wasnāt terrible after my friend went to bed I was just still wide awake. not really any bad feelings just not tired. a lot of panicking and issues over food today, but I ate and ordered some pizza. Iām just super emotional still from yesterday. it doesnāt help that tomorrow is Saturday which means I have to see my family all over again. and for an even longer period of time.
something positive: my grandpa is taking me to lunch at my favorite restaurant tomorrow. I also got paid, so I bought myself some gel pens to color with
Days
46 drug free
176 SH free
10 eating every day
Wrapping up another long week. Feeling down tonight. Not much to say. Will have to make a doctorās appointment to rule out some potential health issuesā¦ Kinda feel like itās not worth it. If Iām sick, oh well. I know thatās not a good mindsetā¦ But itās how Iām feeling today. I know it will passā¦but for now Iām letting it happen because Iām too tired to deal with anything
Another night that there are drugs within reach, and Iām not super happy about that either.
But ā¦
I do hope yāall are having a better day sending love to my TS family
Wow girl!!! Yay!!! Sooo proud of you
Congratulations!! Youāve made it 60 days already! Hereās to you!
1267
Have as good a day as you can friends. Love.
@ReeBee28 Big congrats on reaching 60 days! Awesome work lady.
@SadMemeQueen Iād say quite a lot of positives after such a hard day. Congrats & keep going.
@Scorpn Hoping for a good night for you. Restful restorative sleep. Hugs.
Its an online course, its quite intense but i already know alot of sign language from pevious job.
Its something iv always wanted to do.
How ae you doing ?
Congratulations 60 days is amazing!
Thatās a funny coincidence. I listen to a sleepcast about a fictional Scottish Loch and there icebathing is a thing. Since I heard these Iāve been really eager to try it as a sober New Years event.
I would appreciate if you let me know about the outcomes of your research?
Haha funny!
You can c yesterdayās ice foot bath on sober leg selfies. I am just on my way to the river again to start the day
It pushes immediately endorphins and heat in your body.
A new years ritual is a good idea as itās professionally accompanied ā¦
There is something like that on a bigger lake in my area.
This time I am not in Germany.
But i will watch out for going on this process of ice bathing anyway. Glad to hear about someone who is interested too.
Today I am driving to my boyfriendās home, we will go out for dinner tonight with another couple. I donāt know them yet. They are colleagues of my boyfriend.
I am very determined not to drink alcohol. I am prepared. Well, I am! Since years I am here, reading hearing stories about alcohol. Oh yes, itās a long, long way for me.
I hope, somebody will ask why I donāt drink alcohol. I have prepared a lot of possible answers:
I have a headache.
I am taking antibiotics.
I hade that bad accident, want to stay healthy now
I just do detox for beauty (this I like most, because itās superficial and without deep sense)
My triggers:
This picture in my brain: bottle of wine, glases of wine, candle light, laughing, relaxing, beautiful environment.
My reality:
How I can get more wine without getting to much attention?
Give me the whole bottleā¦
The wine hasnāt enough %alcohol.
Why donāt you give me more wine (as a lady I have to wait, till the man fills the glas again. I know, old style, but that are the rules here. Torture for a addicted woman, I can tell you!)
Congratulations to 2 months of sobriety for you, lady!