Evening Check In
Day 282
Im really anxious right now. My day was okay until my husband came home with an increased temp and sore chest and a massive headache. So of course i think its that damn respiratory flu. Hes in complete denial that he might have caught this flu, saying his temp is high bcuz he was standing by the stove cooking supper 
Okay then. He will be fine to recover on his own but our son is a whole diff story. Praying there is some other reason why my husband isnt feeling the greatest. Its rare he gets sick to be honest. My anxiety is high tho. Im worried about our son, about going to the hospital, about missing work which i cant afford to do and about me getting sick and not being well to do this Icing Smiles cake for that little girl for her bday. I need to slow down and handle each hurdle as it comes i guess. Ughā¦ i absolutely hate having PTSD in general but now having medical PTSD on top of itā¦ ugh. Anyway, i will do my best to handle things as they come. Thanks for reading my rant lol
I hope he gets well soon!! And they your little one doesnāt get sick!!! Sending lots of prayers your way 
Thank u girl 
i feel like i really need the prayers right now
Day 7! Tempted many times today in grocery store outings for forgotten Thanksgiving items. I literally found myself muttering out loud, āYou are not permitted. You are not permitted.ā Treated myself to a fancy coffee instead. Proud. Relieved. Satisfied.
Im getting a little nervous about my first holiday season soberā¦
Hope everyone is okay and stays well 
Thank u i appreciate that!
Day 402 AF
Day 9 no soda
Another slow day at work. Couldnāt make it up to the company potluck, I was too lazy to make the drive. I missed out on turkey legs.
Been watchin the World Cup.
The wifey went out to Costco to do some Thanksgiving shopping. I stayed home with the kiddos.
Just got back from a walk. Itās a lil cold here for us San Diegans. Iām out here dressed like an Eskimo 
.
One more day of work and then the long holiday weekend.
Have a good night yall.
station to work.
Day 4. Got up early because I was in bed by 6:30 last night. Bad headache. This feels worse than a hangover. Starting the day like this makes my mood ever worse. And I feel like all I do is complain. Iāll try to head over to the gratitude thread. Iām just not getting any enjoyment out of anything these days. Everything seems bleak. At least Iām learning that alcohol isnāt the answer.
Hope he gets better soon and your son doesnāt get sick and I really hope it isnāt the flu.
But wow pace yourself take a breathe donāt stress yourself. 
maybe give your man some theraflu just in case or something to bring down the fever and keep your son away. It will all be okayā¦oh and drink some vitamin c packets, boost that immune system. Hugs!
Its extremely hot today and everyone is talking of a cold beer and its 4 hours more to go Im gona focus on staying cool
Itās one of the lies alcohol tells us. Beer doesnāt refresh, in fact it dehydrates, one of the reasons that once we start, we drink more and more. Stay sober stay cool itās all lies.
Day 12
Woke up at 4am today to get to the gym but itās another difficult work out. These headaches are kicking my butt. 2 miles in 33 minutes 
Plan to treat myself for being able to stay sober after yesterdays cravings and thoughts. So guess whoās getting their nails done or maybe shoes. Lol
Yes treat youself 
Day 894 clean and sober.
So it was very uncomfortable and surreal but I got Coreyās ashes transferred to the urn last night with the help of my friend. Itās an experience no one should have to go through, very strange. I have a lot of emotions to work through but Iām doing ok so far. I put him on the nightstand next to my bed last night and slept better then Iāve slept in a few weeks.
Anyway itās done and I feel better for doing it and taking that step itās just crazy. Thank you for the love and support I saw your posts but didnāt respond as I was out of it yesterday. I love you all very much have an amazing day today 
Thank u 
i definitly overrract when it comes to flu and covid, but for good reason tho. A mild cold sends our son to the hospital. Its so hard on him due to his trach especially 
Im ultra paranoid about our son getting it bcuz its always a hospital visit for at least 3 days (sometimes its a week) where i get not support to watch my son at night due to his medical conditions. Oddly enough ud think the nurses there would help with his medical care at night so i could sleep, like our nurses do at home. But they dont. They never even allow our homecare nurse to come overnight when we are there. So i never can sleep well. Its just hard all around and i have so much to do the next 2 weeks lol i do realizs that i need to work thru my ptsd surrounding my sons condition and all the medical stuff hes been thru. It doesnt help me in the present. Wether or not i worry, doesnt change the fact of what will happen lol going to try and deep breathe today and just do my best to keep us healthy lol
Checking in Day 23 didnāt drink last night which Iām proud of a no desire to drink today but am feeling a bit depressed. I guess thatās what happens when you let yourself actually feel. Hope everyone is well as they can be.
124 days free from alcohol
115 days free from toxic relationships
15 days regular eating
I am not that okay.
Still struggling if I change my mobile number to get lost forever from contact and not receive messages from the blocklist.
Also struggling what is the status with the new guy I get to know and trained a lot with in summer. We met 3 more times at indoor pool location, he doesnāt like swimming indoors that much and has other seasonal hobbies too.
I am afraid to ask if he wants more contact, because i am afraid of rejection!
Although he flirted constantly like a proā¦
Maybe he is not interested at all.
(and maybe he is thinking the same about me, that i am not interested, and step forward from my side would be appreciated)
I have to cry, if I think about being rejected before being rejected at all.
Old muddy emotions.
My heart is heavy.
So I am still love addict and codependent. 
I still have to focus more on filling my own cup.
By the way, obviously german flirting is a bit weird at all. 
Work is getting me out of balance in several topics (mental health, addictions / eating disorders, bad thoughts) 2,5 weeks left until holiday. But I donāt want to think about returning next year.
I have a half day off due to a little operation at my dermatologist tomorrow. Not sure how fast I can return to the pool. Otherwise Iāll switch to walking/hiking. Need to improve condition in hiking a bit as I want to do some on holiday.
Hugs 
Hey all, checking in on day 892. I hope everybody has a good one!