In my music app, I have a 2 hour track of waves on a beach. I put that on and close my eyes…
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Here to listen
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Hang in there. Lots of suggestions have already been offered, just takes to putting some of them into action. Rooting for you.
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I’m listening to some calming instrumental music. I always like to have some sort of music on.
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Thanks 
. I’ve really been struggling with my depression all fall. It’s a heavy dark cloud over everything. I know things that are supposed to help but when I’m depressed everything feels impossible. I’m on medication and see my psychiatrist next week so maybe those can get adjusted. The one advantage to cold and rainy is I’m less tempted to leave the house to get alcohol. Part of me wants to say fuck it and get some, but I don’t want to start over. Thanks for listening.
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Day 275
Did the 15 min cleaning last night. Was still so mad i couldnt sleep so i ate instead. Made it to work on time.
9 months sober today, the clock will change at 8pm.
Im going to eat some more. And watch shows in spanish. Maybe write.
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You do not want to start over. Your headaches seem to get better after day 10. Just breathe.
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So sorry to hear you are feeling bad. Post in here as much as you like. Sending hugs 
.
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Checking in
Day 295
Today has been an emotional rollercoaster ride from hell lol its better now but i really had to work on being calm and turning things over to my HP.
Day was going well until i got a call about postponing my sons procedures tmrw… all bcuz of the way the anesthetia Dr worded her notes last friday during our call, which were based off of MY decision to have a backup overnight room available for recovery, when she offered the suggestion just in case (even tho he probably wont use it). They were going to postpone bcuz they thought the Dr recommended an overnight stay and bcuz they dont have a bed available due to the overflowing amount of sick kids in the hospital, they would need to postpone. After calling the anesthetia clinic myself, asking to talk to the higher up people in charge (this was a fight to be able to do but im glad they called me back), and explaining that my son does very well with anesthetia, they decided to go thru with it tmrw with a slight small chance of it being postponed once we arrive “based on resources”. But still, im glad we even have an arrival time and that they agreed to proceed. The overnight bed was as a precautionary thing but not a determining factor wether or not these procedures get done. I wouldnt have agreed to it if this was going to ruin his chances of getting things done. My son goes under anesthetic every 3 months for MRIs and for other procedures and there should be no reason for him to need the bed altho i agreed to it bcuz… why not just in case. The teeth cleaning could have been postponed i guess, but the 2 surgeries needed to get done.
Anyway… before speaking to the higher ups i had to calm down. I was so upset. All this planning and stress trying to keep him healthy, him missing 3 weeks of school for this, etc etc just made me so mad to think that we would have to wait anywhere from 3-5 months if it were postponed again. I sat on my bed and prayed for calmness and understanding and faith in my HP that my HP knows what is best. To turn my thinking and acting over to my HP and to find acceptance in whatever the answer is. It really helped! Its amazing, now that Im clean, how im able to realize now when i need to turn things over and let go. I dont sit there for hours n hours, fighting and fighting, over a situation. I did the foot work as best as i could, and then left the outcome to my HP. In this case it has turned out to be somewhat in our favor. But even if it didnt, having that faith that my HP knows whats best for me and my family, is crucial. Trust and faith. So hopefully things will continue to be good for tmrw. I am really just needing to relax and do some self care later. Hope everyone is doing well
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Just a quick check in for me
Day 35 no alcohol
Day 14 no tobacco or weed
Made it the 2 week mark without smoking, which is a little victory but something I really am proud considering there is temptation everywhere. I really feel ready to give this sobriety thing a shot. Had a pretty good day at work and am going to take part in a meeting to possibly contribute to help putting on a musical. Keeping busy and doing what I need to do. Wishing everyone else a safe and happy day!
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Feeling very grateful today. Feeling grateful the last week or so as my life is really good and my future is looking bright. I had my fitness test and my interview for the army here in ireland and it went really well and ive passed to the next stage. I had a kickboxing fight yesterday (full contact) i have fought in light contact a few times since getting sober but the last time i stepped into the ring i was in a bad way. Drinking heavily and abusing cocaine and ketamine alot. But i got such a buzz and release when i stepped through the ropes and I realised that being sober and vontent in life has brought the fire back that was always there but i had lost sight of. My higher power is really looking after me ans im trying to reward it with sobriety and trying to be a better person. Life will still hit hard but i hit back. Peace 
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Hello all,
Checking in on Day 1,592.
God Bless!
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56! Work was a doozy today, got home and went for a walk.
Happy not to be drinking about it. Tomorrow will be better 
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Congratulations on 2 weeks smoke free, and also 35 AF this is really good.
Your right it is a big deal, it takes mental effort im poud of you 
@JDHealing 56 days Congratulations 
your doing brilliant. Your art work is so nice i love mandalas too, there like every pattern that vibrations earth creates naturally ? Or am i on about something totally unrelated ?
@Butterflymoonwoman Im glad you managed to get things rolling again with your sons procedure and i hope all goes well on the day
To be fair i think if he did need an over night bed they would find one im sure. You know best as well, your his mum you have managed his health care and advocated for so long that im glad you were listened too.
I love the way you explain and how you turn to your HP, i really need to work on this, is it like surrending ? Every time i read you write about it my belly and heart flutter like i know my HP is calling me i just dont know how to yet.
Thinking of you and family
@Minatasha 9 months today Congrats.
Food and movies sounds a lovely way to relax.
@KarenKW I hope your feeling better now, and im glad to see you reach out to people here.
Starting from the beginning isnt the answer. When i feel like this i search for new and old threads of people who have done just that, restarted and relapsed and that is enough to remind me i want to be sober.
Meetings help me and so many others, maybe could help you too.
I know it may seem as though we are just people tryping words but we truly do understand what your going through.
Congratulations on your 11 days, each day forward things will fall into place.
I found when i became sober that i had let alot of stuff build up that needed dealing with so little by little i sorted them and slowly took control of my life back, this all comes as long you stay sober.
@KevinesKay Nice to you Kevin and congrats on your 59 days. Hope things are good your end.
@EFountains 90 days is huge congratulations.
@CATMANCAM Oh dear about your delivery!
My address is so complicated… there are two flat A 's which im one of and they are right next to eachother and i get so anxious everytime i have a delivery i litrally go outside and wait for it, or sweep the front garden while i wait for it. I wouldnt get it otherwise.
I do hope you get yours
Its great you have prescription to help you with the smoking, you will get there. It isnt easy but you will manage it.
80 days no takeaways is amazing i dont think i could do that many congratulations to you for this, this is actually a really good counter to have.
Also congrats on your other milestones all are brilliant.
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1277
Have as good a day as you can all. Sober and clean. Some time ago I did an early shift. I am today. Love from my little square.
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Days
52 no drugs
186 no self harm
20 eating daily
Well, today I haven’t been able to eat much of anything, but it’s not from any restricting, I have just been feeling a little sick today. Probably from a migraine, a subsequent nauseousness…
BUT I have started (late) Christmas shopping. I have bought one gift for each member of my house-two for the little one, because I just can’t help myself 
.
I went to the gym for a quick workout, only a half hour today because I wasn’t feeling the best…
And I helped my daughter with homework.
I don’t have to work until 10 tomorrow so I’m not sure what I’ll do with my morning. Maybe if I’m feeling better I’ll grab some breakfast, and head to the gym before work 
I am the biggest Grinch during the holidays, as in cranky, grumpy anxious, etc… But for my kids I am happy and super into Christmas.
It’s kinda draining emotionally, but it’s worth it to see their happy faces on Christmas, and to know that they will grow up with happy memories around the holidays.
I’m just saying this part 
in case i am accidentally short with anyone or more withdrawn some days. Sorry in advance if it happens. I care about each of y’all and don’t want my own issues to cause anyone harm 
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I am sorry you are struggling at the moment. But from following your posts I have the impression that you really move forward. You might not see it but you do.
With fucking challenges we manage to go through without alcohol we collect experiences that it is possible. And I doubt that you were without depression and shiny happy all day when you drank. I might be wrong but I doubt it from my own experience.
I hope your insurance will find a way to finance your therapy.
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Day 12. A big thank you to everyone who responded last night. It definitely made me feel less alone. I didn’t drink. And I managed to get some sleep. But woke up with a headache again and still teary. I’ve struggled with depression my whole life, whether I’m drinking or not. Sometimes it’s well controlled and then times like now it rears it’s ugly head again. Usually I just have to wait it out. This time of year is the worst. I’m going to try to be gentle with myself today. I have to work, but I can take breaks as needed. A little worried I’ll spend the day crying. Still feel very raw and fragile.
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Hey all, checking in on day 905. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Congratulations to your sober 90 days! 
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