the lack of sunlight at 5pm is what gets me
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Iām so happy to hear this! Iām way behind on these posts and started reading when you were just on day three I was scrolling down to make sure you were still around and made it this far before I responded and Iām super proud of you!
The mind will always play tricks on youā¦ Even still for me on day 103 but that voice is not quite as loud and I know how to tell it to f*** off more than I ever did before.
Stick around and if youāre struggling, never hesitate to check in, wait for a response because by then youāre craving may have passed and weāll be here for youā„ļø
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Congratulations on 1500 days!!! Amazingš
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I do wish you luck and I would like to join that Journey soon! I went caffeine free for the whole time I was pregnant but that was 17 years ago now and I know coffee is not good for me but I have not been able to quit again yet.
I know the caffeine is not good for my anxiety or my circulation because I have Raynauds. Let me know how itās going for you and if you find anything to make it easier 
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Sending congratulations to your 1500 days!
Hope I will still be sober at 1500.
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Sending strength to you 
hope it went well and you felt in good headspace after it 
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Day 2. Saw my psychiatrist yesterday. She increased my antidepressant a little to try to give my mood a boost. We talked about trying to get me into an intensive outpatient program after the holidays. There are a couple that would address both the addiction and the mental health. I think Iām accepting that I need the higher level of care and support.
I still havenāt talked to my family about whatās going on. I really fear their judgment. I saw how they felt about my fatherās drinking. Of course they all drink. I do realize that if I have any chance of staying sober over the holidays I need to tell them. Itās tempting to say fuck it until after Christmas. Probably not a good attitude to have.
Getting through work each day is a major struggle. The anxiety and depression are so bad I can barely function. Iām taking a week off at Christmas but that will have its own stress of travel and family. Struggling to feel positive about anything.
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Hi Karen,ā¦
I hope you will get the possibility to joyn this programm. I am glad that you accept more support from the outside.
Sometimes we need a little support!
Itās not foreverā¦
In german we say āunter die Arme greifenā like āgrabbing someone under the armsā as a synonym and itās very pictorial to me!
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66 days tobacco free.
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Checking in:
Day 42 drink free
Day 22 smoke free
Really struggling with reality again this morning and have to go into the office for work today. Anxiety is high. Hoping I donāt have a meltdown. Going to remember deep breathing and try to have a positive outlook. Wishing everyone here a good day xx
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Hello all,
Checking in on Day 1,600. I wonder if I would have made it past 200 days if I wasnāt here. I have to be in Downtown Chicago the next two days for meetings and then dinner. Anyone who asks me to drink will find out I kicked that shit to the curb years ago.
Having to hobnob with all these bigshots makes me want to barf sometimes, but I will call upon my acting skills to make due. Iād rather be on the Fox River chasing Smallmouth Bass in the warming May sunā¦
God Bless!
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Thank you so much 
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30 months clean and sober today.
TW: Suicidal thoughtsā¦
Hi everyone Iām really sorry to have worried you all. I found myself in a very very dark place where I didnāt feel like I could reach out. I did however keep in daily contact with another friend here and it pulled me through.
I found myself rocking Corey in my arms at night before I would go to bed and just having his ashes here with me was much more devastating then I had imagined it would be, a constant reminder that he was dead. That being said, all I had been wanting to do is go be with him wherever that may be or even if there is no where I just wanted the ache to stop. It was reality fucked up to say the least. As some of you know I struggle with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis even when things are āgoodā in my life and I make a choice everyday to stay. This was just overwhelmingly dark and I had to ride it out.
I used to reach out on the mental health thread when things would get harder for me but felt like I talked about it to much in the past and didnāt want to bring anyone down as weāre all recovering and people donāt need or want to hear that shit all the time.
Iām starting to feel better and I appreciate your concern for me and again I apologize for not letting you all know what was happening, for some reason I couldnāt. Anyway, have an amazing day I love you guys 
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Iām sorry @Nordique, @Dazercat, @mx_elle, @DLS and @TrustyBird for worrying you all. Thank you for the love and concern I love you guys too
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Hey! So glad youāre okay! We missed you
Iām sorry to hear that you had such a painful few days but Iām proud of you for pulling through. We are all always here for you and you never have to feel like you are bringing us down.
Iām also checking in on day 912 and I hope everybody has a good one!
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Love you more than you know! You can never reach out ātoo muchā thatās what weāre all here for. Iām glad youāre here now. Been missin ya!
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Congratulations friend ln 1600 days!!! What a number!!! Hope everything goes well in Chicago. Your statement
Reminds of the part in the Big Book where it states: We will recoil from it like a hot flame. Idk if you read the Big Book, but this is what it reminds me of. Im sooo proud of you!
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Thank you bro very much, super proud of you!
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