117.95 days sober.
Had some rough thinking a while ago, but came here instead. I’m grateful to have y’all here. Y’all are my foundation. Y’all hold me up when i feel like throwing it all away
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Checking in. Day 120
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Day 25, have a great Sunday everyone.
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1338
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Wet and windy and coldish here. And February. Needed a reminder of some warmth. Found it. West Texas in late March. Spring will come. X
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Hey all, checking in on day 966. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Hey fleur I’m kinda confused as to why you think a counselor needs to do alot of listening. I mean I see and talk to one daily, but I wasn’t expressing any concern in my post? I was just stating how I’m quiet this time which I dont think is a bad thing. I’m just wondering if you maybe misunderstood my post as a cry for help. If I needed help I have 4 counselors I see on the daily. But I really think I’m on the right path, Im happy with where Im at.
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Good morning family…I will have 8 months clean and sober tomorrow…I know I am still a newcomer…I keep hearing to give myself grace…well what does that look like? How do you give yourself grace? When all I see is negative…I don’t love myself yet…I’ve been in active addiction for 30 years and I’m 43… I thought if I could just get rid of the fentanyl and crack I would be healed…well fuck!!! That’s definitely not the reality!! I want to be a person who lives a principled life and I’m struggling…I’m on step 4 and Im seeing my part in my past and present…ITS ME! IM THE PROBLEM! How do I give this horrible person I see in the mirror a break…how do y’all give yourself grace? I’m going to continue to show up for my recovery but I really need some experience strength and HOPE this morning! Thank you!
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Day 29. Really struggled to drag myself out of bed this morning. Only the cats’ insistence on being fed got me up. But almost 2 hours later than usual. Now just want to go back. But curled up under blankets on the couch drinking coffee. The depression is bad. I don’t want to hurt myself. But I don’t want to do anything other than sleep. At least I haven’t wanted to drink. No strong urges. I’ll have the occasional thought but can easily counter it with the knowledge that it will make me feel worse. I need to manage some breakfast so I can take my meds. At least some yogurt and fruit.
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Oh Vee, it’s equally important to be finding self-love as it is to work the steps, especially step 4. If I may share, based on my experience and others close to me in recovery, taking Step 4 slowly may be a good idea as that tends to be a very heavy step. It’s okay to push pause in the step work, get back into that attitude of gratitude and self-care, then go back when you are in a better frame of mind.
Also, I’m reading and doing a book study on “Breathing Underwater” by Richard Rohr thru cac.org. This is the 12 Steps for what he believes is our collective universal addiction “Stinking Thinking”. And let me tell you, it’s message and his other writings/teachings really help me with learning to love and accept myself.
I’m so inspired by you. You’re a courageous warrior. Glad you are here.
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How are you feeling now? That sounded pretty intense from what i read on the other thread. I hope ur okay. Addiction tried to take u down and u didnt allow it! Proud of u!
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Thank you for that!
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I feel this 100%. I was actually mentioning the word grace in yeaterdays check in. I struggle with this too. Im 38 and had used hard drugs for 22 years. I totally get what ur saying. When we remove the drugs we are still left with US. There are reasons why we picked up drugs and why we kept doing them. Yes, at the center of it we are the problem (in the sense that we create our own problems) but we are NOT horrible people. You were doing the best u could back then with what u had. At 13 and 15 (for me) how were we supposed to navigate thru life without having what we should have received. Idk the stuff that went on while u were young but i know for me, i didnt have the emotional support i needed from family, there was things like mental health going on for me, this n that. No one intervened and tried to show me any other way, so what was i supposed to do with what i had. It just unfortunately caused me to turn to drugs to try and gain some sense of belonging and to try to feel okay in my own skin. I had no one to guide me. Maybe u can relate. Grace is giving ourselves our break bcuz girl at 13 how were u supposed to know better. We just wanted to feel better, to feel okay in our own skin. No one wakes up one day and says, “todays a great day to fu<k up my life with drugs”. No one does that. We were doing the best we could, with what we had. And yes alot has happened im sure in 30 years for u but what matters now is today and what u do with this day. And thats stay clean and sober 
u got this girl. Hugs!
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My thoughts have reeled in. Which is awesome!. Just feeling a bit rough mentally. But better than yesterday. 
Thank you for checking in with me 
ya
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I call those mentally exhausted days an emotional hangover lol. Bcuz it feels soo draining. Im so glad ur feeling better tho. I cant believe how proud I am of u. Its amazingly scary how strong our addictive thinking can be. But u got thru it. Huge hugs!!!
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Thank you …that’s exactly what my soul needed this morning…seriously thank you
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Checking in day 210 AF 
Going to soak up the moonlight tonight. Have an amazing day sober fam
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Checking in day 154 
Went out to a club with a friend last night to blow off steam- it was so great to dance to talk! I love not having the temptation to drink- I’m so put off by it now, and wouldn’t engage with anyone who was visibly intoxicated. My friend doesn’t drink either so that is a good protective factor- wouldn’t go with someone who did. Anyway, felt great to be out and about while sober, and no hangover today (though I’m still tired because I’m still an again human haha)
And the big thing today- according to this app, I am officially 5 months sober 
this milestone is meaningful to me because it’s the second-longest sober streak I’ve had (longest was over a year) and I’m feeling so grounded in my sobriety. Continuing to make life changes and add support where it’s needed. This app is been such a huge help, so a gigantic thank you to you all!
Wishing you a peaceful, sober Sunday.
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Congrats @zzz for 30 days!!
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Congrats on 5 months!! @MooseTracks
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Congratulations @zzz on 30 days!!
Congratulations @MooseTracks on 5 months!!
Glad you are feeling better @Scorpn
@KarenKW you are doing great and I hope you start feeling better. Almost 1 month 
@VeeMaria I hear you. It’s not just about sobriety it’s also about healing ourselves and finding out what made us use in the first place. I don’t have all the answers but I have been really working on myself, reading a lot of personal development books, working on healthy communication and boundaries. I still have setbacks but I can’t dwell on what I did otherwise I’d feel pretty hopeless. Congratulations on your 8 months
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