Day 291
Things have been okay, just been doing the work & holding myself accountable, etc. I’m making sure to try including some things I like as well (piano practice and art), and making solid efforts to avoid ghosting my friend circle.
I’m amazed at the difference almost 10 months has made already, it’s a far distance from where I was this time last year. I’m thankful for that because it was concentrated dysfunction, so the further from there I can get, the better.
@KarenKW congrats on double digits 
and also for making the right decision for your long-term sobriety 
@Butterflymoonwoman understandable that you’d panic! 
Bless your boy’s heart for mirroring your advice back to you, that made me smile 
@KevinesKay hope you got through it, sending strength 
@Scorpn congrats on triple digits 
@SoberWalker that’s a very clear photo of the stars, I love it 
@meg2 congrats on your week
@2JTravNZ congrats on 4 months
@zzz feel better soon congrats on double digits
891 days no alcohol.
356 days no cocaine.
6 days no binge-eating.
I’ve had 3 deliveries today so I’ve mostly been waiting around for those.
Gratefully, I’ve regained my ‘Regular’ status, so I’ve made a start catching up where I left off when I was last there before I got sick last Spring.
One of my deliveries was Urine Dip Sticks, I’ve tested and I’m free of UTI again, so I’m very pleased about the antibiotics working.
Now to meditate.
Lots of positive things hapoening today for u 
great job on all ur timers!
Thank you, my mobile phone suprises me sometimes 
Checking in. Day 103. My toxicity level was at 7 last night. Triggering myself with YouTube. I stopped. My brain’s toxicity level is currently at 5.
Way to go kevin on stopping youtube. Glad ur toxicity level is going down
Day 1658.
After 18 days straight of exercise, meditation and being fully on program I’ve somehow managed to create another “pink cloud” for myself 
it’s like my journey has taken that next step, almost as if I had stagnated for the last year or so.
For the first time in my life I have no anxiety. The worries are there but they no longer matter.
Thoughts are just that, thoughts. I notice them but just let them pass on by.
I feel like I’ve had another breakthrough in this journey.
I feel lighter than ever, like those last bits of weight on my shoulders have gone.
No drink or drug could ever make me feel how I currently feel, it’s like I was searching to feel like this, using those, all my life.
I feel all new again.
I could cry but I’m holding it together.
I want to hold the old me and tell him everything will be okay
Because you know what, it’s never been fucking better 
I hate feeling guilty for calling out of work
Omg I almost relapsed this morning. I only got 4 hours of sleep which is a major trigger for kratom. I was on the way to the store and I asked for a sign, I looked at the clock and it said 10:10 so I texted my sober friend in the next time zone and at the exact same moment she texted me a screenshot of her phone that showed 11:11. We got on the phone and she talked me through it. I was literally like 20 yards for the store and I turned around! That was 6 hours ago 
Day 5 ending. I am very very bad going to bed soon
I misread it first, and thought it said you relapsed. Good for you for reaching out! Well done!
Wow that sounded like a close call. Im grateful u reached out and managed thru it! Hopefully u can get better rest tonight
Keep pushing through. You’ve got this, it will get better I promise 
Evening Check In
Day 339 substance free
Day 6 binge free
Today has been up n down. I did my workout (which was shorter than usual bcuz my body felt tired). I probably shouldve just taken a day off from the gym but my mind wasnt letting me. Anyway, i did alot of cleaning today and did some running around. Attempted to rest for an hour before my son got home but i really struggle with being able to have a nap. I did lay down and try to rest tho. Got my son from the bus and unpacked everything. Read 2 books with him, did 2 science experiments from one of his books, and we did his book review. That brings us to this moment. Im feeling restless. I feel over caffienated. I really think i need to cut back on my caffeine. Its causing me to feel restless, jittery, almost like my mind has energy but my body is sooo tired. So i think starting tmrw im cutting back. Ill have my coffee first thing and preworkout in the morning but no coffee after that. I need to bring my tolerance to a “normal” level. Tonight we are having mushroom swiss burgers and chips for supper. Cant wait! Will eat a normal portion and try to eat mindfully. Nothing else is going on. Just a relaxing evening ahead. Hope everyone is doing well!
@Cp25 Congrats on your sobriety. I relate to the doctors appointments and not cancelling them. The last two years of my drinking I just didn’t even bother scheduling 
Amazing work. Not giving in is a sign of resilence building and by reaching out you did an amazing thing. Proud of you 
I really feel for you. Having things trying to drag you down in several areas is really wearing. There is always hope tho. Believe that. And many of those things are actually connected. Once you get some positive improvement in one area, such as handling addiction, it will help you to work on the others. Sending strength. 
Day 319
Made myself stay up - i went to sleep from 530pm-1130pm out of exhaustion monday. It messed my sleep schedule so bad.
Need to awaken and do the final 15 min. its not perfect.
Edit: i did the 15 min. No more than that but did fold laundry and make it look better in here.
My roommate has covid. I tested negative and am being more vigilant about masking. I am glad i had the intuition to ask the people i live with to mask indoors.
I hate the pandemic. I havent gotten sick yet and dont want to. I especially dont want to give it unknowingly to someone. You never know in public who just went to an event with covid, or who has a disabled loved one at home. You just never know. Be safe please. 
2 hours shy of 12 days! Right now I’m fighting the urge. But I know I’m fighting it, rather than feeling the urge and impulsively giving in. So right now I’m winning.
