I have my dr appt scheduled on my one day off next week. They finished putting down the subfloors in the 2nd bedroom. Now I have plenty of work mudding, sanding, caulking and painting. The previous worker didnāt level the floors correctly in my living room, so I am going to have to have that fixed. Iām going to wait until I find out about my surgery and those costs. The only positive thing is at least taxes are almost back. So that will help with my worries of being out of work for awhile.
I have actually been doing better than I thought I would be. No major cravings lately. Sleep is still off a bit, but that could just be from rotating day shift and closing shifts at work. I hope you all have a blessed day.
I feel myself crawling back into a self isolating hole. Not sure of my emotions and just feeling kind of numb. I am not going to relapse, but I think Iām feeling overexposed in a wayā¦ Maybe sharing too much. I donāt really know how to articulate this feeling really. But figured this is the best place to try to explain. I hope yāall are having a good day
Checking in on day 25. Had counselling today and coffee and cake with my sister. I had a new friend reach out today who iv been putting off seeing because alcohol made me believe I wasnāt good enough and I couldnt maintain a friendship. Weāre going for a hike and coffee Sunday. Up yours alcohol.
Really proud of myself for not having anything last night. The Alcohol cravings are pretty much gone- Iām not chasing that feeling anymore itās been 148 days and Iām so excited, however, the replacement of the THC drink that I started using after going without anything for a while has been spiraling and the longest I made it in the last few months was 5 days without any substance at all, (and that was just a few days ago)ā¦ But Iām determined to cut it out completely and today is day 2 no THC.
I wrote a little something:
Sit with it. The anxiety, the restlessness the emptiness, the darkness the worry the anger and the wonder of what do with it all. What if we just sit with all of it, and let those emotions rise and fall. Because they will. They will settle and they will pass and you will be ok. The substances just fuck with it all. For a glimpse of a moment, a drink or a pill or a toke might take it all away, but then the wave comes crashing down ten fold.
All the excuses in the world, the rationization, the glorification, of what and why we useā¦ Itās all the addict voice taking over. Close your ears and open your heart. Let yourself hurt, because thatās the only way to heal.
And congrats to everyone else. Hope everyoneās doing well.
Been spending time with my mom and the fam. My grandpa passed away a couple of days agoš¢. We couldnāt make the trip to Mexico to say our last farewell. She got to see him for the holidays, but feels bad for not making it to the funeral. She has a fear of heights and doesnāt like taking the plane. It takes about 3 days to get there on the bus. She wouldāve not made it on time.
.
I havenāt thought about drinking. Sobriety feels normal now. No matter how rough days are.Gotta keep pushing forward. Gotta be strong for the fam and the kids.
Morning Check In Day 347 substance free
Morning!! Busy, busy day ahead of me. Just getting my son on the bus for school and then off right away to walmart for groceries. I normally would never leave at 9am for a huge grocery shop but i have to be home btwn 11-1 for our internet technician to get here. Weve been having probalems again with our wifi and cable. Then once they leave im going to go for a workout before i have to pick up my son from the bus. All n all today should be good!! Have a great addiction free day everyone!
Day 117
Iām on my way to the dentist, 2 teeth need a new filling. The old ones got leaky. Iām a grown woman but Iām still afraid of this, a dentist appointment.
Only because one dentist did lie to me when I was a kid. He said āIt wonāt hurtā. Guess. It did hurt bad. Since that day I had panic when my parents told me we have to go to the dentist. Of course it got worse with time.
I know nothing bad will happen, if I want I get an injection that numbs everything (I always want!).
I try to accept that I have this fear, but that wonāt make it go away.
Luckily Iām sober, drinking maximizes fear and makes it worse. Iām more in control now.
I hope youāre having a beautiful sober day friends and stay strong
Aw, man. I hate the dentist. I got some deep cleaning done not too long ago. The dentist put a cotton swab in my mouth and I thought it was a needle. I was pretty embarrassed about it. She was like, āitās just a cotton swab.ā Hope all is well.
Iām sorry that you made this experience
I trust my dentist 100%, she is specialized in patients with fear and sheās simply gorgeous. All of her assistants too. I told them before they started that my fear has increased and that I even had panic attacs not long ago.
I got a tiny stress ball to squeeze and she explained every step she made
And I knew itās okay if I want to stop, all of that relaxed me enough to push through.
And we only fixed one tooth, the worst one The other one is going to be fixed in April.
@Hazy I hope you got some sleep @Mno so thatās where the geese have disappeared to, since the lakes I walk round have frozen over, itās been so strange not seeing them! I hope meeting the new therapist went well. @onthewagon31 congrats on 9 months @KellyKelly congrats on 300 days @GOKU2019 thanks for noticing one day closer now. Iām sorry for your loss @Sabrina80 yikes! Iām terrified of the dentist too, I can smell it just from reading your post, I always hope that I donāt need any work done my next check-up is in Feb, aaargh! Iām glad your experience today went okay, you got through it, well done
899 days no alcohol.
364 days no cocaine.
Double milestones tomorrowā¦donāt I know it! These urges to binge-eat or buy some disposable vapes are putting a capital C in Cravings, and capital Ms in Milestone Malady!!
I went to the shopping centre and got my dad some aftershave and socks for his bday next week, also a card and wrapping paper. No more stressing and scrolling wondering what to get him.
Got home, and stood, frozen, leaning over my kitchen side for 3 hours fighting urges, it took everything I had to get myself out for my lake walk, and not to the shops for binge foods and disposable vapes. I really had to listen to all the little and loud voices running through my mind. I know a few disposables and some crisps and sweets would be far better than alcohol or cocaine, but I donāt want them either, I hate this feeling of needing something to take the edge off. So I reminded myself that a walk, a meditation, and then, coming here is, something and without a second thought, thatās exactly what Iāve done. I canāt say the urges have gone, and I wonāt know Iām safe until both shops close at 10pm, so 3.5 hours from now, but Iām proud of myself, for now, anyway!
Iām re watching penny dreadful, think I was in active drinking at the time I seen it, just started session 1, ep.1 now.
Iv never seen game of thrones.
Hope your doing okay
you live in such a beautiful place!
Up yours alcohol.
chilling almost at the end of season 2 on game of thrones
Morning Check In 
The other one is going to be fixed in April.
thinking of you and your family during this time.
my next check-up is in Feb, aaargh! Iām glad your experience today went okay, you got through it, well done 
