No… But I am never safe to not drive somewhere drunken! That’s the worst dangerous assh*** shit, I hate myself for!
I am not safe… to do it. Changing the number is 29,- € and so I didn’t change it until now. He keeps trying. Can’t stop myself looking at the spam archive for blocked calls. As it’s always deep in the night, he is drunken or high, or both.
Yes, drinking could bring me into that unsafe environment…
Like shit, there is nothing more to say.
That’s a big question.
And the root cause probably.
Thank you for these questions Franzi!
I made a plan for this evening. And I will do a little Yin sequence, as I didn’t have any movement today. And some yin is like cuddling myself.
I don’t want to nerve but now that you wrote it I was thinking about being bored. Being boring. Boredom. Drinking, being drunk, doing stupid things, talking shit with ex buddies, well, it was boring tbh. It is always my perception and often more so what I think people will think of myself that makes me think I am boring. And often when I am bored say on a Sunday in winter and I go out for a walk I get to discover new things, I can start to wonder. And I am not bored anymore, I am happy.
Another thing was in the beginning: oh, nooo, am I one of these people, those alcoholics. Them. These people who cannot control themselves. They don’t drink. They are boring. It prevented me from getting sober for a long time. Fear. Now I am glad I am one of them. Us
Yes the first thing I think about is…
Being bored and wanting to do something crazy, exciting, maybe dangerous, stepping a bit out of this world, being that wild thing!
I have a long career of weed on daily basis and party drugs from 14 until 21. I just always wanted to be that wild teenie…
When I write about it now …
I wanted attention.
And I was definitely bored.
Day 5 feeling fresh and happy. Recovering from relapse.
Today I’m feeling better compare to other days…surprisingly one of people I use to chill with they are drinking alcohol…I chilled with them…they were trying to manipulate my mind to drink alcohol and I told myself I won’t allow temptation to trigger my sobering…I’m so happy for myself…
Nice interaction at the dog park. Im wearing my shirt that says “sober as f*ck”. A lady said hey i like your shirt. Im like thanks. She shared that shes been sober 16 years. I love the commraderie we have as sober folks.
@MiniBehan01 congrats on your year @Catmama23 congrats on double digits and for rediscovering your love of reading @FeelingBetter welcome back congrats on trying again @Twizzlers thank you @SoberWalker my feet are in a lot of pain, it’s very depressing, but I want to keep going, I do enjoy being outside and the sense of achievement for doing the walks. P.S I’m loving your cat updates @BrOKenWolf congrats and good luck for the interview @mewmcmew congrats on 3 weeks When I had friends it used to be the same for me, I can relate to the frustration, I hope you enjoy the time regardless @Phakathi welcome congrats on 5 days
936 days no alcohol.
401 days no cocaine.
23 days no vape.
The hospital gave my dad some pain relief and muscle relaxers, and he’s mobile again, albeit minimally. They didn’t do an xray, just told him to go back in 3 days if no better. He was in much better spirits today, and I’m so relieved.
Although my feet are hurting badly, I’ve done my walks, and meditations.
I am feeling very low in mood. My bingeing is getting progressively worse, bigger binges, and even daytime binges now. I feel so ashamed. I hope I can regain control just once more, and then never give in, which sounds so futile when we all know that moderation doesn’t work for people like us.
I feel trapped with my new therapist. I definitely won’t be continuing after the rest of our agreed sessions, there are 7 remaining. But if next week’s session leaves me feeling like this again, I’m gonna call it off. Its not the right approach for me at all.
I hope you’re all having wonderful sober weekends.
Checking in Day 384
Its been a day. Was super good this morning. I was home from work and we had a nice breakfast and watched some shows. Then financial stuff came up btwn me and my family. I ended up hanging up on my brother bcuz it was getting too heated and frustrating for me (immature of me to do that, i know). I fixed what they needed to me fix with regards to the money that we owe them and then i just got up to clean and distract myself from that all. Its not the end of the world and this will sort itself out if i do the next right thing. I have faith in that. On another note, my husband got me a late Valentines day gift… another virtual Conqueror Challenge! Im doing Mount Kilimanjaro now. Excited to get started on this! Going to get back to cleaning now. Hope everyone has a great addiction free day
Today at work I took wayyyy too long on a department
My boss was upset it took so long
After she talked to me I went back to work and it continued to take forever
I broke a bar that the items go on and I came very close to quitting my job because I felt I couldn’t keep up yet I was working so hard
So my boss is upset with me already, the problem continued, and the bar was broke. I put together a new bar and placed the items on the new bar while very very frustrated. I’m swearing under my breath at this point.
I almost gave up
But I knew I wanted this job so I asked to talk to my boss and we talked in the office while I’m still taking forever on my department. I said I’m not going to be able to put the items out on time. She asked how many items were left. I said about 13 and she said " that’s 13 boxes over your hour and your still short on the 30 boxes per hour and if this continues I’m giving you less days on the schedule.
I told her I love this job and I don’t want to loose it. She said she understood but these are the rules.
She cut me from 20 hours a week to 10.
After that department I went to my next department and in 2 hours I put away about 64 boxes. I was just on time.
I have faith and goals on getting my 20hours per week back.
So I just got out and I’m home thank whatever helped me keep my job.
Today sucked but I’m here and I’m accepting it and have goals to fix it while I stay sober.
Started taking Acamprosate today to manage cravings. I tried Naltrexone years ago, but it made me jittery, so I stopped. I didn’t even know another drug existed besides Antabuse. So glad I’m seeing a legit addiction counselor who can tell me this stuff.
Is it pain from blisters? Ore is it insite the foot? (muscles ore joints).
Do you have good walking shoes?? Maybe go to an proffesional to look at your feet instead of pushing trough?
It’s not good to walk with pain
The cat did another step today: laying on the couch for the whole evening when cuddled by us all.
Still haven’t a good name for her. Tomorrow the 2 eldest children come home so maybe we try to find one then. For now we keep the original untill something better pass by.
Checking at Day 13. I have felt moody some days, some days elated… I feel hopeful and grateful the majority of the time. I feel more like myself than I have in many many days… months… years. Whats strange is my emotions seem more heightened and natural. A strange, remarkable, and unexpected benefit… Before I used to feel like I had to force a smile, enthusiasm, concern, everything - I’m guessing because so much of my body’s energy was being used trying to heal myself from all the poison I had put it on a regular basis, it didnt have much left for anything else. Whether you are at Day 1 or Day 900, all of you are such an inspiration because we are all trying
I’m so happy for myself…
congrats on trying again 
