Hey 
we have all been in your situation. Hungover and cursing ourself for not being able to stick to sobriety.
I totally know what you mean about drinking being the only thing adults do to socialise. Itās really hard in the beginning when you feel like your missing out. I had to really baby myself in the first few months and stay well clear of all of the triggering places that made me miss drinking or feel like I was missing out. But once I made it to a place where I felt good, and strong in my sobriety which was around 6 months, I slowly started socialising again. Weddings, dinners, bars. And I donāt feel like Iām missing out anymore. I can still go and enjoy a nice drink, my pocket feels a lot better the next day and itās such a relief to be free of hangovers.
But it takes time, steer clear and take care of yourself a while. Prioritise getting sober again, you wonāt regret it 
Thank you
Iām finally out. I go back Friday
Today was crazy
I think I did ok actually lol 
I put out over 30 boxes for both departments which is over 60 in 2 hours
I took heat but maturely moved forward
Iām sick now though
Iāll be back to it in 3 days so itās a good time to get over my cold
I see you. It sounds like you are working so damn hard, you should be really proud of yourself for the work you are putting in.
Our brains can be such assholes. Alcohol as a treat is the stupidest idea that pops into my brain from time to time too. But I know that just once is never just once, and the slope of moderation is a steep and dangerous one.
Take some time to remember how far you have come. Some days feel tough, but you have come so far and youāre doing a great job 
342 days sober today.
Back to work, Iām looking forward to it. Itās been hard being at home this long weekend in the funk Iāve been in. The rest has been nice but being expected to be in a wonderful āholidayā mood while Iāve not been 
is a bit hard.
At work I have something to focus on, and as long as Iām being productive no one expects a huge amount from me socially haha. Thatās a weird mindset to be in but itās where Iām at rn 
I had a decent weekend though, enjoyed a nice kid free lunch at a bar on the weekend with my hubby, working on socialising our new pup who is an absolute drama queen around other dogs. Prepared some healthy lunches for myself yesterday.
Just feels a bit tougher mentally lately, but the clouds will part Iām sure.
Have a wonderful day all
Day 58. Tired. Still not sleeping well. Work was okay, but still struggling to focus. Nothing planned for the evening. Hanging out with the cats watching TV.
Today was extremely hard because I absolutely hate my job and have not been able to get even a first round interview anywhere. I know life doesnāt owe me anything and I should be grateful to have a job, but Iām so stressed out and people are so rude. My job is the biggest threat to my sobriety. I can feel my heart rate increase with stress and anxiety as soon as I sit down at my computer. Iāve told management that I need help but they just did layoffs so no help is coming. Feeling defeated and hopeless. Sometimes I wonder why Iām working so hard to be sober just so I can feel all of this stress and anxiety raw.
I spend time outside, reading, playing my guitar or fiddle, cutting up two trees that fell
In this windstorm that has me with no power stillā¦ā¦
I am slowly getting energy back. Lost almost 10 lbs this past 27 days sober.
Good job cueball. Im at 28 daysā¦energy is slowly coming back for me too. Very slowly in my caseā¦but waking up sober is worth it. Better health is worth it.
Knowing sobriety is worth itā¦is goodā¦but i am struggling. Im not giving upā¦but my depression keeps me from doing much. Im taking some medsā¦but even taking a shower is hard work for me. I try to walk my dog and read. Day 28 sober is something i am proud of.
28 days is amazing. Take baby steps and try to have some compassion for your body and mind
Thank you so much for that! I feel much less alone because of your encouragement
Checking in
Day 386
Not feeling the greatest right now. Today definitly was hard. Just nothing was going smoothly today. Everything from people parking in the wheelchair spot so my sons wheelchair cab struggled to pick us up, to the Vision Clinic cancelling our appt last month without telling me (had to argue my way to get him seen, which they allowed thankfully), to someone stealing 2 of my sons formula boxes (theres a formula shortage of this particular brand and these 2 boxes were to bridge us until the issue was resolved. I had to contact the dietician to try and get them replaced). Thankfully the cab drivers there and back were sooo nice and helpful. But ill be honestā¦ i dont feel good about how i handled everything today. I feel bad honestly. I could have handled these situations so much better. I acted out in āold waysā and idk i kind of realized that theres so much more to recovery than just not using/drinking. For example being honest is a characteristic of recovery and dishonesty isnt. I have to respond to everyday life problems from a recovery stand point. Anyway, i came home feeling just awful and then binge ate (which i havent done in awhile) which wasnt good. Just trying to show myself some forgiveness here bcuz today was hard overall. Doing my best to live life on lifes terms.
Hey gal! This was me at one point. Make it a focus to get out. I had to quit my job to get sober, but that was just how bad I got. Hang in there.
Thank you 
These are some magic words in your postā¦
You are right, when we are living by our own will nothing goes right. If you are anything like me your will alone is not strong enough to beat this beast called addiction. It took me a long time to reach a place of acceptance around just how strong addiction is. It took a lot of courage for me to take a hard look at my life while i was in active addiction and I had to be brutally honest with myself. The strength of the hold that addiction had over me was stronger than the love I have for my child. Now that was a very hard truth for me to accept but it was one that I couldnāt deny as I drank before driving her to school, in the school parking lot while I waited to pick her up and left her home alone to go get more. I couldnāt stop myself from driving with open alcohol in the car when my baby girl was in the back seat not because I didnāt love her, not because I wouldnāt jump in front of a train for her or take a bullet for her. I did all of those things because I didnāt have a choice. The disease of addiction had robbed me of my choices in life and being able to be the best mom I could be was one of those.
It sounds like you might be exactly like me.
What I didnāt do in the first year of my recovery was go to wine bars. What I did do was surround myself with other people who wanted to be sober. Thatās whatās been working for me for the last three years, I highly suggest trying it out. Being sober feels amazing! 
Thank you. This is what I needed to hear- not condemnation, I do enough of that to myself.
Going to a wine bar is stupid, I am fully aware, but I justified it because I have no social life. I have a career, Iām in college, I have a family- a 19 year old daughter that just moved back in- a husband who drinks and smokes weed daily. The rare social occassion I can make time for always involves cocktails or a bottle of wine. I seriuosly cannot socially isolate myself any more than what I have been.
What other things worked for you?
Did you go to meetings? Did you go alone?
Did you have a supportive partner?
Did you use medication?
How long do the crappy feelings last?
What can I expect??
I appreciate your response today. Thank you for your transparency, it means a lot.
Thanks @Markjackson ! My joints had hurt for so long that I thought it was some sort of arthritis setting in but most of my joint pain is nearly gone is the last couple days . Hoping it continues to go away. More energy and decreased pain is a major motivator to work it everyday alone. Add the relationships that are healing and strengthening and the new relationships being formed through recovery and I have a new found hope for life without alcohol.
I definitely feel for you. Been there so many times. I am only at 27 days today but that is the longest I have been in two years. Almost doubleā¦ā¦
I recently totally surrendered and found a sponsor and went to my 2nd AA meeting tonight. I have a sponsor and a small team in my corner and I know that I donāt have to do it alone. It makes all the difference. I dodged it for so too longā¦. Praying for you @KatieO !
I can imagine having someone in the home who is still actively using must be very difficult. I didnāt have that experience myself, but many other people on this forum have managed to stay clean while their spouses continued to use. It is possible.
So yes, I do go to meetings, I chose to become a member of NA ( Narcotics Anonymous). And yes I actually did go to my first meeting alone. I walked into that meeting a shell of a woman. You know, I was surrounded by love in my life, my parents, my daughter, and even my ex-husband loved and cared for me. They were all so worried and always around making sure I was ok. They were afraid to leave me alone, I was never alone, but I felt SO ALONE. Since leaving that first meeting of Narcotics Anonymous I have never felt alone again. Having that deep level of identity with other people, listening to their stories, and being able to hear your story in theirsā¦ nothing compares to that in my opinion. My whole life was spent wearing this mask to fit in here, that mask to fit in there, and now I donāt have to do that because I belong. Nobody can tell me Iām not an addict, nobody can tell me that I donāt fit the criteria.
I did not use medication to curb my cravings for alcohol but that doesnāt mean that I think that others should not. I sponsor women who are on medications and I support their choices. I think that everyoneās journey is different, and the most important thing is that we start to choose ourselves. So what is the best choice for Katie? How is Katie going to have the best chance at getting this? For me it took a lot of trial and error, I actually tried ALL the meetings, AA, NA, SMART, RD, RRā¦ I read all the recovery literature, I started doing yoga and meditating, and I self referred to a pain management clinic ( I have chronic pain). I started to line up as many tools including this forum as I could because itās important that we have more than one " thing" and that we stay open-minded and try lots of stuff to see what fits us. As I said we are all different so some things work for me that might not work for you. But there is one commonality in us all, and that connection. We all need connection, and the beauty of joining AA or NA is that you get that social aspect with it. My social life has never been fuller and I am surrounded by people who are sober, who are kind, and who all want the best for each other, well most of them do. 
The crappy feelings lasted 10 days for meā¦ well ten days were the worst. Once I got over that the rest was tolerable. My obsession to use lasted about 6 months and I still think about alcohol some days.
I wouldnāt suggest you expect anything, we do this recovery thing one day at a time because we never know what tomorrow will be like. I wake up in the morning and I commit to staying sober for that day, when I get to bed sober I thank the universe for helping me stay that way. Its a simple way to live, itās life that can get tricky and thatās where programs like NA, AA can help. They teach you to navigate life without getting loaded.
If you have any other questions please feel free to DM me, my messages are always open. I am glad that you are back here even considering trying again. You are worth a life free from that shitty merry-go-round of addiction.
