Thanks @Markjackson ! My joints had hurt for so long that I thought it was some sort of arthritis setting in but most of my joint pain is nearly gone is the last couple days . Hoping it continues to go away. More energy and decreased pain is a major motivator to work it everyday alone. Add the relationships that are healing and strengthening and the new relationships being formed through recovery and I have a new found hope for life without alcohol.
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I definitely feel for you. Been there so many times. I am only at 27 days today but that is the longest I have been in two years. Almost doubleā¦ā¦
I recently totally surrendered and found a sponsor and went to my 2nd AA meeting tonight. I have a sponsor and a small team in my corner and I know that I donāt have to do it alone. It makes all the difference. I dodged it for so too longā¦. Praying for you @KatieO !
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I can imagine having someone in the home who is still actively using must be very difficult. I didnāt have that experience myself, but many other people on this forum have managed to stay clean while their spouses continued to use. It is possible.
So yes, I do go to meetings, I chose to become a member of NA ( Narcotics Anonymous). And yes I actually did go to my first meeting alone. I walked into that meeting a shell of a woman. You know, I was surrounded by love in my life, my parents, my daughter, and even my ex-husband loved and cared for me. They were all so worried and always around making sure I was ok. They were afraid to leave me alone, I was never alone, but I felt SO ALONE. Since leaving that first meeting of Narcotics Anonymous I have never felt alone again. Having that deep level of identity with other people, listening to their stories, and being able to hear your story in theirsā¦ nothing compares to that in my opinion. My whole life was spent wearing this mask to fit in here, that mask to fit in there, and now I donāt have to do that because I belong. Nobody can tell me Iām not an addict, nobody can tell me that I donāt fit the criteria.
I did not use medication to curb my cravings for alcohol but that doesnāt mean that I think that others should not. I sponsor women who are on medications and I support their choices. I think that everyoneās journey is different, and the most important thing is that we start to choose ourselves. So what is the best choice for Katie? How is Katie going to have the best chance at getting this? For me it took a lot of trial and error, I actually tried ALL the meetings, AA, NA, SMART, RD, RRā¦ I read all the recovery literature, I started doing yoga and meditating, and I self referred to a pain management clinic ( I have chronic pain). I started to line up as many tools including this forum as I could because itās important that we have more than one " thing" and that we stay open-minded and try lots of stuff to see what fits us. As I said we are all different so some things work for me that might not work for you. But there is one commonality in us all, and that connection. We all need connection, and the beauty of joining AA or NA is that you get that social aspect with it. My social life has never been fuller and I am surrounded by people who are sober, who are kind, and who all want the best for each other, well most of them do. 
The crappy feelings lasted 10 days for meā¦ well ten days were the worst. Once I got over that the rest was tolerable. My obsession to use lasted about 6 months and I still think about alcohol some days.
I wouldnāt suggest you expect anything, we do this recovery thing one day at a time because we never know what tomorrow will be like. I wake up in the morning and I commit to staying sober for that day, when I get to bed sober I thank the universe for helping me stay that way. Its a simple way to live, itās life that can get tricky and thatās where programs like NA, AA can help. They teach you to navigate life without getting loaded.
If you have any other questions please feel free to DM me, my messages are always open. I am glad that you are back here even considering trying again. You are worth a life free from that shitty merry-go-round of addiction. 
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Day 506 AF
Wud up, gang.
I have a lot of catching up to do on this thread. Iāve been busy with work and the kiddos. Today was my o-day. Dropped off my eldest at school. Went to Costco with the wifey and the lil man. Played videos and went out for a skateboard cruise. Itās back to the grind tomorrow. Anotha day anotha dolla!
Hope all is well with everyone! Take care.
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Always good to see ur check ins friend glad life is good!!!
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Thank you. I really needed to hear, āI see you,ā today. My brain can be a real brat. I am grateful all the work Iāve done so far allows me to distance myself enough from these bad feelings to examine what is leading me there.
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Ty, friend. Everythingās good over here. Feeling confident about my sobriety this time around. ODAAT.
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What are these types of challenges are these ? This looks so cool!!!
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Iām finally starting to feel proud of myself. Over the last 60 days I havenāt struggled with doubt or felt truly at risk of losing my sobriety, but I also hadnāt felt like my efforts deserved praise. Iām learning to show myself real kindness, and I am thankful daily for this space to be able to share and feel supported.
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@SGC1522
so glad you are learning self love. As you know, itās so important to take time out for yourself. Congratulations on the big 60.
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Congrats on 60 days, thatās amazing!! You absolutely should be proud of yourself 
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My focus lately has been grieving for my youngest brother who died Sunday a week ago of a heart attack.
My mom will soon be 98 years old and she is going to have to bury her youngest son.
She brought up the fact that a photo of my brother came up on her revolving photo player. I asked her if there was anything she wanted done, played, or said at her funeral and she said no. āIām leaving it up to you kids.ā She was referring to my two older brothers and myself.
I feel lost. Iām grieving for my brotherās sudden death at the same time Iām starting to grieve for my mom because today she said that she wasnāt scared of death.
Now is the time Iām so glad I have a sponsor and she loves me as an AA sister.
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1368
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Waiting for spring to happen. It will. Patience. X
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No way is that chicken! Thatās a brave move and Iām proud of you. You said it out loud and you gave a real, valid reason and now who cares, you move on and continue on your sober path. Awesome job!
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I read this and I felt the pain in your words. I donāt know if others have commented but I donāt come to this thread as often these days but I had to come back and just say something here.
You are in a tough spot, no question, and I donāt have anything to offer as advice, per se. My husband and I have long time friends where the husband lost his mind and abused his wife and we had to navigate that whole deal, help her navigate it anyway, and at some point the police will do their jobs to the letter regardless of the feelings of the āvictimā in the situation and the potential threat to them after they are released. Do you have access to a victim advocate through the jail or courts? Thatās the ONLY thing that helped our friend.
I canāt imagine how hard this is for you, but you seem very aware that drinking isnāt going to help in the future after having a slip the way you have experienced. Keep your mind on your future life where this person is no longer in your life. I believe it is possible for you. And keep coming back here because we have your back, your sober internet family!
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Early check in. I wish everyone a good night or happy day.
Just something that made me smile this am I heard in a meeting: how to become an Oldtimer? Donāt drink and donāt die. 
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Day 
Yesterday I reset again. Itās really starting to feel more like habit of reseting and probably that thin ice of first days cause anxiety that is be biggest trigger here.
I know I sound like the biggest underdog here and probably most of you skipping my posts already, but I Believe more than ever before!!
I need to flush all my anxieties and insecurities away. No matter what day it is. Month / Two Months / Three / or One Day! This is exactly what I need to do / what I need to learn / What I need to work on / NOW! /So what I am waiting for?
Feeling really good. Few days ago I almost had two months / Slipped for few days / Jumped back on track / Continue / Letās GO!
Day 1
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Day 12 of 365
Youtube free day 2 of 365
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Hereās the link. You can find loads of need walks in it long ore short. You can decide for your own if you walk, run, bike, etc them.
You can also choose your own timeframe for it.
Itās not cheap, but they have discounts if you buy more challenges in one buy.
Itās fun!
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