No words express how nice it was to wake up without a hangover. Only day two but feeling good so far.
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While reading this Iām thinking about my way to work. Sometimes I have to take another train than the one Iām used to and I have to walk through the central station and underground. I usually count up to 10 homeless people on my way to my platform. Most are addicted to something. You see bottles and needles often and you can smell it mixed with I donāt know what.
A constant reminder what addiction can look like if you let it grow and grow.
Iām so thankful right now where Iām at 
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Day 80. Just putting one foot in front of the other. Surviving.
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Checking in clean!
3rd evening
Body needs rest-time.
Had a little swim anyway, and good food.
Did a lot of diving yesterdayā¦, furthermore I had to swim 300 meters in clothes and turn them out in the water
Work is just too much.
Still donāt know the way out.
Need the money to pay the bills.
Much love 
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@Catmama23 Iām sorry about the low energy and back pain, I can relate 
but enjoy your new book 
@icebear thank you 
@Maria13 welcome congrats on your month 
@onthewagon31 congrats on 11 months
@apes2020 @Seb great photos 
@zzz @mx_elle welcome back both
@KarenKW congrats on 80 days
960 days no alcohol.
425 days no cocaine.
47 days no vape.
6 days no binge-eating.
Got zero sleep since my check-in around midnight/1am last night. Still depressed, it has been very heavy today.
I managed my morning walk, did my usual meditations plus a few extra to try to help.
This afternoon I received an email that put me straight into binge-eating mode from anger and frustration, I was so convinced I was going to walk to the shop to buy crisps and a disposable vape, I didnāt want to, I tried to make myself cry to let it out instead, but as usual, I couldnāt, I tried meditating again, but I couldnāt shake it, I didnāt know any other way to deal with my emotions than to crunch crispsā¦what I did instead, was phone the company who the email was from, debate the recent influx of harassment letters and now email, and query an update on my caseā¦turns out there was a glitch in their new system with my account details not being transferred over correctly, he apologised, said he would fix the issue and I shouldnāt receive any further correspondence until I eventually get a letter confirming my request had been approved, which he said it has, but it just needs to be processed. Relief.
Then I came inside (I have to sit outside to get signal) instead of walking to the shop, and pretended to nap with my cats, in the dark, with the curtains closed, heater on, and silence, to decompress. It helped, itās now 23:30 and I still havenāt binged. I still wanted to though, until 22:00 when the shops close and I knew I was safe, but I was playing the tape and remembering how disheartened Iād feel when I wake in the morning.
I wish I could just eat junk food occasionally, I wish my addict wouldnāt get involved. Itās probably not a coincidence that Iāve been depressed for only a day longer than I havenāt been binge-eating. I hope I can stay strong, but right now Iām not confident.
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Today started off kind of rough. Today was my Mothers Birthday she passed away in 2005. She was my Rock, I went to visit her grave and put down Flowers. Last Tuesday I got shit faced drunk, and said some fowl things to my girlfriend she was pretty much done. I was able to apologize and ask her to forgive me and give me a chance to prove to her that I am the Man that I have shown her in the last 2 1/2 years we have been together. I know that I have allot to prove to earn her trust back. And to forgive myself. All and all today was a Beautiful day.
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Thatās right Cueball. Im glad you are sober too!! And your 49ā¦means im at 50 days af. Kind of crazy how odaat can work.
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My mother passed away in 2005 as well. I still think of her often too. Day at a time clean/sober will help with your girlfriend. Hang in there.
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Wow, thank you for sharing! I wonder how many of these sightings I blocked out when I was drinkingā¦ the brain will do gymnastics to only see what it wants toā¦
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Hi everyone, Day 34. I am ānewā again here. I was using this app a while back, things went sideways again, but now Iām Day 34 AF and happy (amazed) Iāve made it this far!
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I love the saying āI know i have another drink in me but i dont know if i have another recoveryā
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Welcome back!!! 
congratulations on ur sobriety time!
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I am SOOO freakin proud of u!! U handled that situation like a boss! Seriously. It sounded like u were so emotionally heightened and instead of eating crisps u just dealt with it and faced the issue head on! Its tough tho, i hear u. I had a moment today also where i felt like i needed a certain food to calm my heightened emotions. I was about to buy a bag of sour candy, picked up the bag, and then put it back and walked out of the store. I was so proud of myself also but damn that little voice just nags n nags. Like its exhausting some days. But ur post was very inspirational to me. I always appreciate ur transparency and honesty in ur posts. Hope ur having a good night
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Day 655. Itās snowing again 
I am so done with winter. This part of the season always drags in the northern latitudes. I had an appointment with a new therapist the other day. Not sure what I think of her yet. I feel like we didnāt really click. I have three more appointments to see how things develop. Iām worried because it took MONTHS to get an appointment with anybody. Iām not keen to wait another half year if this one doesnāt work out. Itās so important to me because caring for my mental health is a key part of my recovery plan.
Anyway, I hope everyone is having a good week so far!
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day 392 of no self harm
today has just been depressing honestly Iāve just been laying around doing nothing for these last 3 weeks. my eating has been pretty bad. im just trying to get by
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Day 0
Yeah idk if there is a lot of advice that would reach me rn. Im in a bad way. Trying to write. But its already taken a bad turn. I hope the year+ i spent sober matters. Its justā¦things were so bad and getting worse. I want to stop but am just so exhausted so I dont really want to. Awful day at work. Awful day in general. Idk. I havent looked back at prior writings and am afraid to. But i was definitely worried about this happening.
ā¦
I just reset my timer. I dont want to find out what happens if i continue drinking and giving up. I had an awful day at work for reasons both in and out of my control.
If i stop now, i at least know that I can. Ill be able to preserve the understanding with my roommates that i dont drink. The depression pit of my room can be brought back. I wont have gotten into any car crashes or lost my temper. I need to coast, and do writing.
I think i kept drinking after the first night for a few reasons: i got some good writing done actually and sent some important things.
need to step back. can commit to 30 days of seriously wondering why I drank the way i did. Not plastered but the way i did still wasnt healthy. Im going to get myself some decent food this weekend. A present for another 30 days sobriety from now. Even if im bribing myself.
It will probably be hard. But i need at least the 30 days to really think on what i am doing.
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Checking in at the end of Day 28 AF. 4 weeks. Thatās pretty okay.
Had a wonderful sunny successful golf game today with a great bunch of women. One birthday gal. Which meant drinks after the round. Didnāt bug me at all! Ok, sure, Iād have enjoyed a cold one. But, it was fine. Yeah!
Take care all!
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1390
Have as good a day as you can friends. Sober and clean. Love from my bedroom window.
@Minatasha Iām glad youāre here. Good times and bad ones.
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Day 170 no substance
86 no self harm
133 not restricting food
Was a long day. But productive. Iām happy. And sleepy. Hope yāall are doing well today too!
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