369 days checking in 
Iāve got a three day work week and Iām off work for 10 days.
Iām going to really enjoy an opportunity to refocus on some self care and being present with my kids. Itās been really hard, all the travel and learning in my new job. I canāt wait to unplug for a while.
Hope you all have a great day x
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Day 78.
Days like today make me wish I wasnāt a woman. Iāve been bedridden in pain and OTCs are not working. Hopefully the demon ripping apart my insides will subside by the morning. Apologies for the TMI. Happy sober Sunday all!
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That is a badass jacket! Love it
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Just wanted to touch back on this. It was such an amazing dance actually. My friends wanted to go to our old haunt which is the most infamous club in the world where lines to get in can be 8 hours long and even after all that waiting you can be rejected at the door. Of course, my friends and I just have it like that so we donāt have to wait and being rejected is out of the question. Yes, I am very humble hahaha!
I ran into so many old friends and they were all like, āDJ you look so fresh and your energy is infectious!ā And Iām like āoh thank you!ā But in my head Iām like itās because Iām sober and nothing is phasing me right now. The music was on point as always and it was my saving grace. I do have to say I was best dressed and my body was looking right. And I made my exit right as the clock was getting ready to strike messy oāclock.
Being sober has been a blessing and I want to thank you all for being here to read through my shenanigans and support me. Iām really growing into myself and Iām making peace with my demons. All of my loved ones are noticing and they love this new me. I love this new me too. Or at least the me that was buried under all of that anxiety and depression and self hate
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Coming up on a month soon, feels good.
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Checking in day 210! I joined a kickball league to make some friends in a way that doesnāt involve drinking, and our first game was today. It was fun, but of course almost everyone was drinking during 
Wild how this world revolves around alcohol. I gotta admit, I felt really triggered- I have social anxiety to meeting new people, seeing alcohol, and nice weather made for a perfect storm. It was a weird triggered though- didnāt have the desire to drink, but felt so overwhelmed emotionally. I had to go home right after and sit my cats to calm down. I feel better now, and way more prepared for future games since I know what to expect.
Just wanted to get that off my chest here since I know yāall understand those type of feelings.
Hope everyone is having a super sober Sunday 
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Totally get the not wanting a drink but being emotionally drained. I felt that way at my first wedding reception at 4 months.
You are doing great! Although it may not feel like it. This was a win for you! Congrats on keeping your sobriety!! @MooseTracks
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Day 85. Feeling rough again today. Exhausted. Headache. But I did enjoy the womenās championship game. And I got laundry done.
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Good job buntz!
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Thank you so much I really appreciate the kind words 
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Thank you so much I appreciate that dearly 
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Wellā¦today has been so soā¦thinking about dr appt tomorrow. I walked my dog.
Still on day 54 i think. Cleaned tableā¦so i will have a jig saw puzzle surfaceā¦once i get puzzle.
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5 days sober. Thought i might get wine tonight but didnt. Havent cleaned. Dont have laundry.
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tonight is day 397 of no self harm TW for SA talks of an eating disorder and death
tomorrow is a month unemployed. the daycare I applied for said they havenāt arranged interviews yet but itās been 3 weeks.
I started going to the gym and they have a daycare area and Iām going to ask if they are hiring tomorrow since Iāve been going every day except weekends
my eating disorder has been awful. i eat a salad (lettuce, cheese, carrots, sunflower seeds) every day and that is it for the day. i donāt eat anything else. i didnāt realize I was doing till my mom pointed it out today. now Iām aware of how weak and sick I feel but my brain registers that as a success.
tomorrow I have to see a gynecologist and thatās not going to go well with my past of SA. i know Iām going to be messed up afterwards and during.
my grandpa has these neighbors, Eugene and jenny. very sweet old couple. known them all my life, been neighbors with my grandpa for 50 years. yesterday my family and I went out to dinner and there is a coroner wheeling a body bag out the neighbors house. Eugene had a heart attack. completely sudden, we had been talking not even 4 hours before. his poor wife. my poor grandpa. that man is a big part of my childhood but my grandpa has spent an hour or so every day with him for years. Iām really worried about my grandpa i know heās already lonely with him visiting, I know itās just going to be amplified. Iām doing my best to be there for him he just isnāt the type of person to ever admit heās sad
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Proud of you for no self harm for so long.
Itās great that you are going to the gym every day. You need food for energy to do that though.
I hope that you get a job at their daycare.
When you get to the gynecologist tell them your history.
They will be very respectful of what has happened to you and more than likely explain everything to you more thoroughly and will be as gentle as they possibly can with your mind and with your body.
I think I remember when you went last year and your mother was going to be with you. Remember your interaction with gynecologist is personal and private.
Your salad sounds good, itās not enough calories.
Ask the gynecologist to figure out about how many calories you should have a day to keep from withering away.
2000 to 2500 is probably a good start.
The salad is good just maybe you need to eat 1000 cal of the cheese And another thousand of the sunflower seed.
Nuts will add calories to your diet. Since youāre not wanting to eat that much then when you do, concentrate on nutrient dense food. The cheese and the nuts fit in that category. Drink fruit juices.
Talk to your gynecologist. They are getting paid to take care of you. Let them. They might end up being a good source of help and comfort.
Big hugs. I hope youāre soon employed. 
Editing to add Iām real sorry about your grandfathers and your friend. Thatās sad and will be hard for all of you to go through.
All the more reason for you to take care of yourself the best that you can
If you absolutely āhave no appetiteā please talk to the gynecologist about it. Big hugs and Iām sorry for all the bad stuff in your life. I feel like it will get better at some point.
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thank youā„ļø Iām definitely making my mom stay out of the room and Iām going to try to be honest about my past, itāll just be harder for everyone involved if I say nothing
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Day 2300 ā checking in. Hope everyone has a good evening/morning.
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33 days AF. That is all tonight!
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Im having trouble today. Worried about my health. I struggle with depression and just feel bad today.
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Damn 408 LOOK AT YOU GO!!!
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