Checking in. Wind is intense here in northern New Mexico lately (30-40 mph with 70 mph gusts), which can be anxiety producing for me; it makes everything that much more challenging when working with the horses, they are more “up”
and it affects my sense of hearing and sometimes sight as the dust can blow into my eyes and face. Not a complaint so much as recognition that it’s a trigger. I’m staying at the ranch while the owners are away, and there is alcohol in the house which in the past I’d like to drink. But I am finding I don’t want it. I’ve had enough day ones already. Having a hangover or being tired is not going to keep me safer around these big babies 
. I am also aware other triggers are coming with the warm, dry weather (cold beer and hot weather is for sure a trigger) so am staying mindful of that. Attended my Tempest meeting this morning and will journal today for something different in my sober toolbox. I so appreciate this community.
I was struggling this time, I felt some pain and she had to give me 4 injections until everything was numb enough. I started shaking and felt the panic rising.
I could stop it before it got so bad that I have to leave. They were so sweet and tried to work as fast as possible 
Now half my face is numb and I’m drooling because I have zero control 
And I sound really funny. I have to shop some groceries like this now 
But it’s done! Now all teeth are happy 
I’m thankful today for several big things!
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Today is my 90th day sober! Can’t believe how fast it feels like it’s gone just living one day at a time.
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I submitted my final paper for my grad class this semester last night, one more class to go/11 weeks until I have a masters degree!
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My baseball team is actively embracing the power of positivity. Saturday we took the reigning state champions to extra innings and should have had them but lost by 1 in the 9th. Didn’t get the outcome we wanted but it was a phenomenal week for them. They won 3 out of 4 games including beating a 5A school which is the highest division here, we are 4A.
So thankful for all these great things and how far I’ve come from where I was! Have a wonderful week everyone!
550 Days check in 
The sun is shining 
on this beautiful day.
I had to really push myself to go for my morning swim, so glad I did go. I felt so good after.
Then I can’t home and decided it would be good for me to get it in the sun for a walk and get a coffee out.
So I did. I’m so glad I did.
I feel good for it. In my life there is alot going on so it was very nice to keep to my plan instead of letting myself down as well as getting out and actually enjoying it. I would never have known how good it would of felt if I did not go.
Had some cravings and triggers but I had to not entertain these thoughts, why torture myself like that.
Have a blessed day 
Checking in at Day 43!
I breathe such a sigh of relief because I am so grateful for this new life I have created for myself. I let go of so much baggage with one simple decision, to quit drinking. I pray my body will fully heal itself from all I have put it through. Wishing everyone else the same. God bless. 
40 days. It’s nice to surprise myself with how well I’m doing, vs. the old cycle of continuously letting myself and others down.
Day 2095.
First day at new job today. I don’t like first days at new jobs 
. But it went well. So much information but I liked the people and I feel welcome 
@Butterflymoonwoman thank you for your much appreciated compassion 
@Jwfletcher4792 congrats on 90 days 
@Twizzlers congrats on 550 days and for the swim 
and walk in the sun 
@ArtMama congrats on 40 days
@Lola I’m glad your first day went well
966 days no alcohol.
431 days no cocaine.
53 days no vape.
1 day no binge-eating.
Slept long and late, due to the sugar I consumed yesterday, but I’ve managed to do all of my daily routine and rituals. Morning routine, meditations, both walks, etc.
TW: disordered eating.
Still reflecting on my reset. Need to get the idea of any real food out of my head, for now. Not sure how I will navigate any family meals that may come up yet, as they have also been a catalyst for derailing me in the past, Xmas for example. Depending whether or not my youngest step-brother is up for his birthday on the 17th, there may be a meal to navigate then, following that, there aren’t any occasions until Father’s Day in mid June. I know I’ll need to learn how to eat real food in moderation one day, because I know living off meal replacement shakes isn’t ideal, but I need to lose the rest of the weight first, and I’m clearly not ready to moderate with it yet.
The weather here has been very Spring-like today, and it’s predicted to be the same tomorrow, so my mood has been a bit brighter too.
May I ask what you mean with real meals. Do you want to avoid them? I found that by skipping meals or not eating real food, so mostly snacking, I tend to eat a lot more because I am not full. Probably it’s just a misunderstanding of mine.
(I love your passenger cow - so cute!)
Checking in at 18 days. Feeling a rhythm happening for two reasons:
- I am digging into my recovery through my stepwork in my SA group, and
- I have found an emotional need I didn’t recognize before: I need reassurance that I am ok, things are not falling apart, and I am not being given more than I can handle. I am grateful to my wife and to my therapist for helping me see that. I have adopted a new mantra that I tell myself daily: “ things are not falling apart, and I am not being given more than I can handle; I have 9 things I’m doing today and that is what I can control; the rest is beyond my control and that’s ok”. I’m finding it unusually reassuring and helpful. It’s weird - it’s like I’ve found a nugget of gold after digging and digging and digging for months.
Take care folks. You are good people and you deserve safe, sober lives where you can be your full selves 
Another check in
My Dr said “only eat when your cheek isn’t numb any more”.
Did I understand what she said? Yes.
Did I eat sandwiches anyway because I was veeery hungry? Also yes.
Is my bottom lip bleeding? Maybe.
Ach Sabrina 
I am soo happy for u! Im really glad that u found something that is working for u 
Thanks friend
The best antidote for remorse is action. How can you help those people you hurt? Or how can you help anyone that suffers? How can you help your son grow up healthy, physically and mentally?
I understand this feeling. I’ll just say I was where you are at one point and I’m so glad I’m here and have experienced all the things I have in my life since then. I met my partner, traveled to and lived in all kinds of interesting places, met great people, and now I get to experience sobriety again. I hope you choose life, choose this adventure, even with its up and downs, choose possibility. The fact that we are here, conscious, on a planet in an endless universe, what an absolute miracle to have this experience.
As far as past wrongs, I have done some truly terrible things under the influence. But those things we do while in active addiction are not really us. I believe we all deserve forgiveness and a new chance. I believe that’s why we’re here.
I am sending you hugs and hope it gets better.
Recovery!!!
Thanks for the hugs!. I’ve been overwhelmed by life lately. I was seeing the codependency come out and then i felt bad for letting go of him… how messed up is that? Then i felt shame for everything i did to him and for myself for letting him back only to use me. It’s been an emotional roller coaster all weekend. It sent me into a deep depression i havn’t felt in a long time. With some sleep and some sunshine the day has gotten better
I am in CoDA and the last meeting i was in they talked about befriending yourself. Somedays that’s hard to do. I got through it though. Got some sleep and sunshine, read some SLAA literature, and talked to someone about my thoughts. I came out of the depression. It was the worst I’ve been in a while, but the old me would have kept dwelling on it and let it control me. I need to be continue my path to recovery for myself and.my son. We are both in therapy. I’ve been attending meetings regularly and recently found an SLAA sponsor. So things are moving along well. It was just one of those days
Thanks for the hugs, they’re always welcome in my world!
Day 86. Bad day but I’m here and still sober. One day at a time.
Lot easier this time around, many thanks to the community here. Last time I didn’t count the days, care about the days, didn’t care who knew what I was doing and had no accountability so I could flirt with and rationalize relapsing. It sounds weird but I feel like I have to face you guys everyday and report the good news, and somehow that helps everybody. Can’t believe it works, it’s amazing.