Way to go on your 7 months!!
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Continue the effort! It is worthwhile!
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Its been almost 2 months of being alcohol free. Im starting to feel much better.
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checking in day 344 af. the one year is getting close. Had a really shitty last night and today. fucked my leg up furing my futbol game. doc says its a torn acl. just as thr weather is getting nice too. all my plans for the summer (runnong futbol camps, working at the golf course, coaching my sons baseball team ect⌠are all up in the air for now. first thing i did when doc told me was sit in my car and have quick cry. next thought was fuck it im grabbing a bottle of whiskey. third thought was, dont make a bad situation worse. im gonna try to stay positive but this shit really sucks. im unable to walk, work, and play with my son. hopefully its not a complete tare, i will know more soon hopefully. hope you are all having a better day than me. this too shall pass.
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You are rightâŚbooze would only make matters worse.
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Arghhh. Really sorry about this. Hope you get best possible news for the fastest recovery.
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Thank youâŚ
I think the checking in is going to be the key to my early daysâŚ
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After over 3.5 months sober I relapsed 
and today Iâm on day 0 again. But I can do this. Disappointed in all the progress I made to throw it away. But Iâm going to start today
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I found something one YouTube that helping me. They have videos with people just like me. They telling there stories and I can relate especially since I was a binge drinker. This helps a lot. Now Iâm feeling better and my journey wonât be bad 
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Happy Friday! Ok its Thursday but i have off tomorrow so its my Friday haha. Have an awesome day.
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Checking in day 36,
I did a tarot reading for myself today. I think I will share it here since a lot of it has to do with sobriety
Overall Situation
Six of Wands
Supporting Factors
- Son of Swords
- Six of Cups
- Father of Swords
Overall situation:
Blue-green butterfly rising above mire of broken sticks, the gravity of past obstacles no longer weighting it down, the blue and the green symbolizing serenity and tranquility. The air around is still and lightâthe projection of an unwavering inner validation leading to self confidence and self compassion. Obstacles lie behind me, dark tidings waded through, and ill omens overcome; there is no looking back at the disruption only forward into the victorious future. This is a card of momentum and instinct, I am not overthinking it. Good.
Contributing Factors:
The Son of Swords has set his sights on his target and is single minded in his focus. His intelligence is incisive and determinedâhe is not one to be intimidated. He is the critic, brutally honest or valuably insightful. In this case, I have chosen to provide myself with valuable knowledge and to use that knowledge to temper my focus.
The Six of Cups asks us to look beneath the surface of the evergreen tree to look at the roots. Knowing oneself and how one has been shaped leads to the stable alignment of our perceptions of ourselves and the identity we project out to the world. This card indicates a deep knowing relationship with myself, being kind to my inner child. Manifesting that kindness to the world.
The Father of Swords is perched on his multicolored sword, a manifestation of his mature and varied experiences that he holds ready across his person. He observes intensely and nothing escapes his notice. He seems severe but principled and he rules holistically. He is well researched with high moral standards. Helpful and encouraging self criticism mixed with loving kindness has manifested the energy of the Father of Swords within me.
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I always find your posts to be helpul @Butterflymoonwoman. What you have done to achieve and maintain your sobriety is heroic and you are a shining example of challenges met,for me and I am sure others. You were tested and you didnât fall into old patterns. You may have had a split second of craving but you turned away. That is effing admirable. For the past three or four days I have been focused on emotional sobriety. The way you reacted to what you consciously saw as negative events is clearly an example of your growth on a deeper level imho. I feel you should take a moment to just sit with this and show yourself appreciation. I want to share this with you Dana. Iâm not advocating for or against anything. This is just something that I find helpul. Iâm proud of you. Thank you for your honesty. Have a blessed day.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1,026. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Thank you!! I appreciate that.
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Donât look at it as throwing any of the time away. Use it as building off of everything you learned and went through those 3 1/2 months. If you let the numbers thing discourage you those relapses can last longer and spiral again and again. Good on you for getting back up right away. 
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Day 
Feeling Thankful 
So everything goes very well, I even get uncomfortable when it is so smooth and full of bounty.
Remember like almost 2 years ago I worked as a driver at one small countryside restaurant and company did not payed me money for almost two months. I later quit and put them on court. I did not get any money back because they were expirienced scammers and where hiding their incomes and manipulated the system for too long. Now after so long period that company bakrupted and insurance funds transfered all the money! I canât believe it! 
Also I will get few more hundrereds after all the years income declaration. There is even more! I got sort of âpromotionâ at work, got new MAN TGA 360 truck at work, thats something, also I see some more respect from co-workers. All in all everything goes super well and I start to feel a bit uncomfortable at moments like this.
+Plus my gastritis seems to get better! that is very good news, because lately I started to get really worrying about it. I will share my experience on what helped. It is too soon to celebrate, but I will share more about it on upcoming days.
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Day 11 checking in odaat 
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44 days AF. Yesterday was a horrible day. I was bullied by a customer at work, brought into some daunting projects I donât know to approach because people keep thinking I have technical skills that I donât and never claimed to have, and a never ending queue of more work. On top of that we had a tornado warning and my anxiety was extremely high. I woke up exhausted and crying and I canât believe I have to go right back to work. Got another rejection email yesterday too adding to the pile because apparently no one wants to hire me anymore. I feel trapped. Iâm working so hard on my sobriety and my work is making it impossible to be happy. I hope something changes because thereâs only so much a person can take.
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Itâs pretty much 5 years to the day that I finally made the decision to leave my now ex, for good. It was a such a toxic relationship, whereby my children and i were subject to alot of bullying, emotional, financial and in the end, even physical abuse. In some ways we are still healing from the trauma, maybe there are some things we will never entirely heal from⌠and although I finally achieved freedom from one thing, I became trapped by another, as its when I left my ex that my drinking truly spiralled completely out of control.
I felt completely broken, afraid, alone, a stranger to myself, a failure as a mum, daughter, sister & aunty. I did not know this stranger that i had been turned into, i felt like an empty shell and i didnât know if any part of the old me, the me that I was before I met my ex, even existed as a glimmer inside of me or if Iâd ever be able to get her back.
My default coping mechanism? Drinking. And i did it well. So well, that within a year i had pretty much destroyed what was left of my physical and mental health, my sanity, my spiritâŚ
So today is a really bittersweet feeling⌠i feel so proud that I found the strength to finally leave but also sad that i punished and drowned myself with alcohol for just over a year afterwards before being able to slowly pick up the pieces, heal and begin to truly recover⌠it hasnât been an easy road by a long shot but far out am I grateful to be on it.
Apologies for the ramble, its been an emotional day, I think I needed to offload in what to me, is a safe space. I joined this forum, just a few months after leaving my ex and there are some here who have been with me through my journey and Iâm forever grateful to all of you x
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Thank you for your comment 
I really appreciated it this morning!
This is a great reminder for me to show myself some love and appreciation. Often times i just go thru the motions when it comes to cravings. I have found what seem to work for me but forget at how far ive come. In the past, cravings were effin HARD. They had so much power over me and when theyd hit, theyd consumed every area of my mind. It really helped to sort of distance myself from my thoughts and more so observe them than be consumed by them (for ex: i see that i am having a craving. Its only a thought, i dont have to act on it. This too shall pass). And then of course to use the other skills that ive learned from u all to help me thru it.
I love that saying u posted and really had to think about it. I dont know much about Buddism as ive never really studied it, but i do see how it can be very beneficial to those who follow it. The part about âdesire and ignorance lie at the root of sufferingâ made me think to how i used to (and still do at times) try and fill that inner void with material items in the attempt to make myself feel better. Wether that was drugs and alcohol or food or sex or shopping or tanning and cosmetic procedures or exercise or whatever else i used to do. I was never truly satisfied with what i already had and that void inside would only be temporarily filled with these material things. It was like a constant chase trying to âfixâ myself. But i know today that i need to have that spiritual connection to fill that void. When i stay connected, the urge to reach out to those materialistic things, isnt as strong. I dont use drugs or drink anymore but food for example is one of those things that i need to work on.
Hope u have a fantastic day Bill. Thank you again for the comment 
i really appreciated what u said.
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