Closing day 39 AF. Watching some march madness on the couch. Turning in early today .
13 Likes
Normally my check in has been closer to end of day. Day 18 AF. Toughest one yet for me. Not sure why. Beautiful sunny day, got some housework done, got some yard work done, went for a run, got dinner planned. And whammo - my husbandās beers in the fridge were calling my name. I didnāt answer, but took someoneās advice to have a shower (kinda needed it anyway!). Then found my husband having an uncharacteristically early beer. He has NO issues with alcohol, so no faulting him. All on me. But yeah. Felt I needed a quick check-in to reset my brain.
Take care all!
17 Likes
Woohooo up late on a saturday and not because of drugs or alcohol. Just binged the latest YOU on netflix and im amped.
Its weird not being asleep rn.
11 Likes
Day
159 substance free (edit 160 days)
75 self harm free
Been sick this week. I am starting to get better.
But my mind is not where it should be.
I have had using thoughts, and harming thoughts today.
I had such a good day. I donāt know why i feel this way. My addict brain is trying to lure me back into the spiral. I just feel defeated with life. It is always so stressful. I am never able to fully relax. There is always something to think about or doā¦etc
Sorry, maybe this full on pity party doesnāt belong hereā¦ I just felt like i should write it out
17 Likes
Do you truly believe you deserve good things? If things get good in your life do you self sabatoge?
Im asking from a caring place
3 Likes
Nope. Never have. I believe my children deserve good things.
Hmmā¦i donāt know.
I think i am always trying to make things better. And they have progressively gotten better from, say, childhoodā¦ But i donāt know if i sabotage my happiness. Maybe i do Unconsciouslyā¦ Because Ii donāt ever expect āgoodā to be normal.
I also know that this feeling is temporary, but i felt like Iāve been holding things in maybe a little too much. I stopped checking in daily, i felt like i was over sharing maybe, and shut down/upā¦ And now i feel like i have lost my outlet to process things in life. Itās my own fault. I understand.
A little ramblyā¦ sorry.
5 Likes
Im happy you are sharing @Scorpn im sorry your addict brain is fucking with you. Just keep doing the next right thing
4 Likes
Thanks @Alycia it was a difficult day.
Just read about the podcast in the book intro so will probably give that a listen also.
3 Likes
Great show
2 Likes
It got me all amped up on adrenaline and now im having trouble trying to sleep 
imma do a meditation. That usually does the trick
4 Likes
Iām so sorry you feel like this. I know you feel totally redfaced, but you didnāt hear someone calling your name a few times, so what? Iām sure everyone will have forgotten about it. The asking someone to be your sponsor does feel a bit awkward, but it will happen when it happens. And donāt ever take someone saying no, or it not working out personally. People just mesh at the right time, there is not fault on one side.
6 Likes
Itās good youāve written out how you feel. The intrusive using and self harm thoughts arenāt so good so Iām glad youāve written that out. Also glad you physically feel better and had a good day. Checking in is beneficial because youāre able to write down how you feel, be accountable, share your thoughts and feelings with others who āget itā and care for you and your sobriety from your addictions.
Youāve got lots to keep you occupied. Plus all of our minds are our worst enemies lots of the times ( I posted a song called worst enemy in anthem this past week. Maybe Iāll also post it here). Lots of us suffer from that and also accepting that not so good is as good as itās going to get, etcetera. The older you get, I really think that thereās more that gets taken on and harder for free time and relaxing but itās important you have time for yourself even if youāre not really alone but doing something you enjoy with others. Quiet time, relaxing time. I vote you get all of you on a five minute ā relaxation/ meditationā time. I think it would be nice and something different with a lot of positives for all of you. Life can be hard, then when you add in everything going on all around and all the electronics and, and, and ā¦ five minutes of relaxation could be good.
Iām glad you checked in, I hope the using and hurting thoughts will go away.
Big hugs. Lots of love.
Donāt take each of the words of the song literally, itās just the title.
You are cared for. You are loved. Your sobriety is important and youāve done a great job of maintaining it.
7 Likes
535 Days
Motherās Day today in UK. Itās a sad day for me today with a missing child.
My beautiful son is here at home so Iām not alone.
Anyway I will not be celebrating but Happy Motherās day to those who are 
.
Instead Iām going to go to fitness class then a long swim to keep busy. Then Iāll come home and cook then get an early night.
The best thing I can do today is not think. Push it all to the back of my mind.
Have a lovely blessed day all 
19 Likes
This song for myself reminds me that what happens to us happens to us, but at some point we have to either decide to let it wound us or let it get us wise.
It made me think that when stuff happens or our greif gets to a certain point it is us who has to take control back of how we react to - how it controls us.
At a certain point we have to pick ourselves up and accept. I donāt know lol just what came through my mind listening to it for my situation/life.
Thank you
5 Likes
1380
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Did my first ride on my road bike in months yesterday. Forgot what a smooth ride it is. Love it. Bike been payed for by me not smoking. They said back when I got it should last me something like 5 years. Which will be in June. No way Iāll quit riding it now already. Even though I could afford a new one thanks to not drinking too. X
26 Likes
cycle by for a cup of coffee 
4 Likes
.
I am sorry your meeting didnāt go well. What you felt about it. From my experience, your embarrassment is a real feeling, yet often when I ask people of their perception they tell me a completely different story. And I can reframe it. I hope you give it another try. And I am not talking from an AA point of view, solely from feeling awkward.
5 Likes
That would be nice. It is a short cut through Heemstede and back to the beach
2 Likes