Been sick this week. I am starting to get better.
But my mind is not where it should be.
I have had using thoughts, and harming thoughts today.
I had such a good day. I don’t know why i feel this way. My addict brain is trying to lure me back into the spiral. I just feel defeated with life. It is always so stressful. I am never able to fully relax. There is always something to think about or do…etc
Sorry, maybe this full on pity party doesn’t belong here… I just felt like i should write it out
Nope. Never have. I believe my children deserve good things.
Hmm…i don’t know.
I think i am always trying to make things better. And they have progressively gotten better from, say, childhood… But i don’t know if i sabotage my happiness. Maybe i do Unconsciously… Because Ii don’t ever expect “good” to be normal.
I also know that this feeling is temporary, but i felt like I’ve been holding things in maybe a little too much. I stopped checking in daily, i felt like i was over sharing maybe, and shut down/up… And now i feel like i have lost my outlet to process things in life. It’s my own fault. I understand.
I’m so sorry you feel like this. I know you feel totally redfaced, but you didn’t hear someone calling your name a few times, so what? I’m sure everyone will have forgotten about it. The asking someone to be your sponsor does feel a bit awkward, but it will happen when it happens. And don’t ever take someone saying no, or it not working out personally. People just mesh at the right time, there is not fault on one side.
It’s good you’ve written out how you feel. The intrusive using and self harm thoughts aren’t so good so I’m glad you’ve written that out. Also glad you physically feel better and had a good day. Checking in is beneficial because you’re able to write down how you feel, be accountable, share your thoughts and feelings with others who “get it” and care for you and your sobriety from your addictions.
You’ve got lots to keep you occupied. Plus all of our minds are our worst enemies lots of the times ( I posted a song called worst enemy in anthem this past week. Maybe I’ll also post it here). Lots of us suffer from that and also accepting that not so good is as good as it’s going to get, etcetera. The older you get, I really think that there’s more that gets taken on and harder for free time and relaxing but it’s important you have time for yourself even if you’re not really alone but doing something you enjoy with others. Quiet time, relaxing time. I vote you get all of you on a five minute “ relaxation/ meditation” time. I think it would be nice and something different with a lot of positives for all of you. Life can be hard, then when you add in everything going on all around and all the electronics and, and, and … five minutes of relaxation could be good.
I’m glad you checked in, I hope the using and hurting thoughts will go away.
Big hugs. Lots of love.
Don’t take each of the words of the song literally, it’s just the title.
You are cared for. You are loved. Your sobriety is important and you’ve done a great job of maintaining it.
535 Days
Mother’s Day today in UK. It’s a sad day for me today with a missing child.
My beautiful son is here at home so I’m not alone.
Anyway I will not be celebrating but Happy Mother’s day to those who are .
Instead I’m going to go to fitness class then a long swim to keep busy. Then I’ll come home and cook then get an early night.
The best thing I can do today is not think. Push it all to the back of my mind.
This song for myself reminds me that what happens to us happens to us, but at some point we have to either decide to let it wound us or let it get us wise.
It made me think that when stuff happens or our greif gets to a certain point it is us who has to take control back of how we react to - how it controls us.
At a certain point we have to pick ourselves up and accept. I don’t know lol just what came through my mind listening to it for my situation/life.
Thank you
Did my first ride on my road bike in months yesterday. Forgot what a smooth ride it is. Love it. Bike been payed for by me not smoking. They said back when I got it should last me something like 5 years. Which will be in June. No way I’ll quit riding it now already. Even though I could afford a new one thanks to not drinking too. X
I am sorry your meeting didn’t go well. What you felt about it. From my experience, your embarrassment is a real feeling, yet often when I ask people of their perception they tell me a completely different story. And I can reframe it. I hope you give it another try. And I am not talking from an AA point of view, solely from feeling awkward.
#Day 1643
Still chilling in my onesie beneath an warm electric blanked. Because heating the whole living room has become very expensive these days we turned our heating system on very low temerature.
Today? Enjoying my 1 day weekend with doing nothing beside maybe a small walk and going to the cinema tonight. Worked a lot this week so have to get my energy back for tomorrow.
So acting a bit like me new furry friend
Both sober and lazy
Congratulations everyone with adding another day sober/clean!
Keep repeating
Thank you very much for your analytic post and welcome back to day 1. I am there with you, day 2 today - 3rd sober evening will follow. I also do a lot of sports, especially swimming and yoga. And I had 5 sober months till December.
Guy… We can do it this time
Will follow your way!
My sleep is not the best, but I made some changes last year, that helped a lot.
Light: I have a kids night lamp, projecting stars in my room. It has a timer and after 20 minutes my room is absolutely dark (also the light of the alarm clock!.. It’s dimmable)
Magnesium: taking it before going to bad, as it’s not only against sour muscles, it’s also relaxing the muscles and is good for the nervous system
Meditation: putting on some sleep meditation or meditation music (be aware of autoplay)
Timing: our bodies love rituals and having a fix time going to bed and waking up is really helpful
Pillow: I am using a neck pillow covered with one of the hyped Mulberry pillow case by “Slip”… And sometimes a mask that fits to it. This is not a must… But to me it helps feeling good provided
Air and temperature: of cause fresh air and low temperature helps, as well as a minimalistic and clean environment
imma do a meditation. That usually does the trick
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