Good morning, I overslept today and I love it. Happy Sunday. I’m gonna get up soon and do some journaling then make brunch. Not sure what to make. I have some dried chorizo in the pantry that’s been there for a while, some greens, some eggs, onions, bread…it’s an omelet kind of day. Think there’s also some pineapple juice? Gonna bake some chicken thighs later, top it with caramelized onion and chicory then serve over rice. Gonna be good.
Took a nice long bath yesterday and now thinking about this attractive person I met at the gym yesterday. It’s time I started dating again.
I want to excuse. I sometimes catch myself thinking when I read here, how can they feel like this or that, how can they be lonely when they have family around, a partner and kids. Now, in some clear moments with myself I realise from my own experience that this is awful. It stressed me and I felt guilty at the time. It’s so easy to forget when we are no longer in a certain situation. Drinking and the unsurmountable task to stop is another one.
Day 1010 clean and sober. Slept like crap so I’m up early. It’s the usual though so whatever. I’m really proud of everyone here for staying clean and sober. Have an amazing day, love you guys
I sometimes wonder if I’m right in the head. Got preemptively stressed about a disagreement, practised retorts and rebuttals in my head, and it didn’t even happen. Entirely pointless stress and resentment. I wish I could just stop my brain from going there, but it always does. Playing out old resentments, imagining new resentments. Such a waste of time and energy. I just hate that about myself.
In good news, I bought a new shoulder bag, just a few dollars second hand, and put all my things from my old ripped bag into it, minus of course the old receipts, empty packages, dirt, lurking at the bottom and it feels great. It feels fresh, like getting a haircut.
Day 40 today sober and feeling great about that. I have business travel this upcoming week and the next. I am a bit anxious about that due to the opportunities that will be there.
I have talked about this with my sponsor and downloaded intherooms app on my phone to stay connected.
Checking in Day 35 AF
Felt so much love yesterday in/around In-person Refuge Recovery meetig mind blowing!!
Grateful to be in this space but unfortunately feels unsustainable, I’m guessing I’m learning the language of love after so much isolation and shame. I call HP Love Absolute and I’m VERY grateful for LA seeing us through .
Today is a ride in the woods but bike is giving trouble so this is just a test run to troubleshoot.
Pirsig: ‘The real cycle your working on is a cycle called yourself’
Grateful to enjoy another day above ground with you all,
Ride the craves (I’ll try to choose wisely)
Happy Sunday from Vancouver
Didn’t get out of bed until 2 in the afternoon. Yesterday I couldn’t even bring myself to check in on here. Instead, I sat on the sofa all day stuffing my face with salty nuts and chocolate and watching The 100. (Great show, a bit too binge-able).
When I finally got into bed to sleep, my brain wouldn’t shut up and my anxiety levels were through the roof. While I was sleeping I had this really weird dream about going to a NYE Party, where I drank champagne before remembering that I was sober. So I went on this dream quest to find an AA meeting, and when I got there, I was too late and they wouldn’t let me in. My sober date is January 14, so drinking dreams around New Years kinda make sense…
Anyway, I’m officially depressed. It sucks. Today I’m dragging myself to the coworking spot and gonna try and get some work done. I did pay extra for weekend access, after all. And… at the very least, I’m getting a nice walk in the sunshine out of it.
I am soooo f*cking stressed.
Had 9,5 hours sleep but now I am feeling like I miss some hours of the day now.
Actually it could be a relaxed Sunday!
I think the jobsearch thing, I reactivated is putting hard pressure on me. Everytime I am applying I think, I am not good enough in something, somehow, anyway.
I am in a good payed, unlimited job, but the environment is toxic. There are also thoughts that it will be everywhere else the same. And that nothing makes sence and I just can’t work anymore again.
Just had a walk and will joyn a Yin Yoga live class by Matt at YouTube in 15 minutes.
Finding my way on the mat, with this suffering mindstuff.
Totally relatable. It’s how we are conditioned by our pasts. Working on it in therapy and making progress but it’s slow and tedious. Small steps friend X.
Day 292. Things are pretty good. I can definitely see some complacency issues, like my mind telling me I don’t need to go the gym and I can just stay home and draw. Granted my head did hurt for a couple days so a couple days off was ok but if I’m going to achieve all my goals and go to school then I will have to balance all this accordingly, tattooing and drawing will be there but they are not first on my list of things to be doing. I have bigger goals I’d like to achieve. Much love everyone
Hey all checking in from Philly on Sunday. At work till about 3. We’re on top of a bridge today and the wind whipping off the river underneath is making me wish I had an office job.. I went up to the highschool for a play/musical last night. Two of the kids are in the pit band, one plays bass the other one plays percussion. They did a great job, they busted their asses to learn all the music in a short amount time I’m proud of them. Finish work, probably hit the gym for a bit, and than hang out watching the March Madness tournament for the rest of Sunday night. Have a great day guys
Day 169
The balcony is now almost ready for spring. The dead plants are gone, I just need to change the earth here and there and one pot needs a deep clean because the cherry tree that was in there had a fungus infection. That’s why I didn’t want to try to save it somehow and dumped it.
Cleaned the basement too, it’s my turn this month. Now I’m sitting on my couch, the rain stopped and the sun is shining right into my room.
I’ll take a break and after there is laundry to do and cooking.
The Sushi salad was a complete mess I made a mistake somewhere with the seasoning, it wasn’t edible
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong
PS no urge to drink today
Thank you! I was probably making a bigger deal out of it than I needed to. I appreciate the encouragement. Sometimes I get impatient as I want things to happen/results right away. I also need to flex more of my social interaction muscle - I never really got back to “normal” with that since the pandemic. Thanks again
AA works great for some people but not everyone. I’ve never been able to get a sponsor even though I’ve approached people (I’m also socially awkward so I get how hard that is). I find the community aspect most helpful but I’ve also gotten so triggered in meetings that I went out & drank. I find Tempest much more to my liking. There’s lots of other choices that might work better for you, I hope you can be easy on yourself.
Thank you! I woke up this morning after a good night sleep (finally) and realized I probably blew it out of proportion. I also need more practice dealing with these feelings (and not needing to always get everything right) and not letting them consume me. I appreciate the kind words
Thank you, and this is very true. I agree AA may not be the best fit for everyone. I’m trying out Tempest too! The part I’m missing is the in person interaction, and AA dominates that scene here. I’m trying to keep an open mind. I also need more practice letting my negative emotions not consume me…. Anyway I will keep trying things and hope that eventually I find the right set of recovery tools for me, I know it takes time and often I want everything to get resolved immediately! I wonder if there is a correlation between addiction and impatience thank you for the encouragement
mind blowing!!
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. I went up to the highschool for a play/musical last night. Two of the kids are in the pit band, one plays bass the other one plays percussion. They did a great job, they busted their asses to learn all the music in a short amount time I’m proud of them. Finish work, probably hit the gym for a bit, and than hang out watching the March Madness tournament for the rest of Sunday night. Have a great day guys 
I made a mistake somewhere with the seasoning, it wasn’t edible 
months of sobriety. Amazing milestone!