Checking in on Day 426
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Morning everyone. Im still soberā¦around 67 days now. I have had urges to gambleā¦which for me leads to drinking. Im learning to be happyā¦or maybe content is a better way of putting it. Woke up sober!!!
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We usually say thank you to the driver when getting off the bus here in Edinburgh.
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GenGā¦you are doing this thing called sobriety. Great job!!!
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This morning is the first morning in I have no idea how long that I got out of bed not feeling like a rusty, rickety, hinge in my lower back which means the swelling that usually occurs overnight did not occur - which is huge , if this continues Iām in like the final phase of healing with this disc injury. I actually got up, stood up straight with no stretching or heat needed to achieve it, neither did I feel like everything is extremely tight. I literally cannot believe it, and I do have about 4 months before my wedding so I should be in really good shape by then.
Chronic pain sufferers, stay the course and hang in there! I didnāt think I was going to make it the whole time, but I hoped I would and figured it wouldnāt make things any better if I gave up so I did all the painful stretching, massaging, squirming, going to doctors and PT, not hanging out with people and could barely walk for a long time. But here I am, what feels like the beginning of the other side of things. Still got lots of work to do but my hope has been renewed. Stay hard!
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Day 91.
Yeah, so this week I started this huge healthy life push inspired by my nearby beach. Walking, extra meditations, cutting down on sugar, a lot of walkingā¦ you get the drift.
Well, yesterday I woke up with a stinking cold. Of course, it has to be something. Thereās always something pissing on my parades. Aside from taking the dog out, Iām not doing much now. Itās annoying. And frustrating.
On that note, rant over.
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Day 
So today something went wrongā¦ I am not sure the cause, but I guess drinking and then going to lift weights are not a good combination and sooner or later I was about to hit a wallā¦
I was playing some card deck game, my head was hurting all morning and got this terrible Brain Zzzap experience, when I had this falling down feeling (I had those before few times, mostly when tired) and the vision got like shaking a bit. Soon it was over, but when I stood to drink some water I felt lightheaded, my legs felt weak, hands shaking, little nausea and felt like gonna collapse.
I then started to think what it can be? Maybe itās dehydration, stress, maybe because of my gastritis sores that got a bit worse again after drinking last weekend and womiting 3 times, maybe it could be? Maybe food poisoning?! Or I am having a panic attack? Maybe itās a bit of withdrawal symptoms? Maybeā¦ Or it is really a panic attack! Indeed! I took deep breathes and calmed down.
Still feel kind of weaklishā¦ 99% sure drinking last weekend pushed me to thisā¦ Gotta pay after having fun huh? Vomiting anf hangovering whole weekendā¦ Then feeling sluggish whole week and then this? Well doesnāt that sounds fun? 
yeah, rightā¦
But feeling better now. Will update soon.
Have a good weekend, Friends! DONāT DRINK! DONāT USE!
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144 
chilling playing cod
Happy sober weekend everyone
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!Day 2107
My sister lives in usa and she is visiting the Netherlands next week. I told my class that my sister was coming home. What is home, they asked me. Well a day later I am still thinking about that. The house we lived in as kids? That house does not feel like home for me for a long time. My house? No she is staying at our mothers, or just the Netherlands? So what is homeā¦
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I think sometimes when we share our story of addiction and recovery it can make others question their own relationship with alcohol which can feel scary or threatening. When I was still drinking I hated it when anyone told me they were sober or werenāt drinking for whatever reason. It had nothing to do with them but everything to do with me and how I felt about myself. Itās possible that your story will help others become healthier too, maybe not tomorrow or next year but someday. It was very brave of you to share and I hope you treat yourself to something (non-alcoholic 
) you enjoy. I admire you because Iāve been unable to share myself in AAā¦ building up the courage. Keep going one day at a time, you got this!!!
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Day13
Feels good I am going to the lake today if I get too tempted Iāll head home.
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53 days alcohol free. I tried two new AA womenās meetings this week. I didnāt share and I didnāt really meet any new connections yet but I enjoyed them both. The second one was a small group which was a totally different experience. My eyes were āleakingā the whole time and people shared their hardships and experiences. I think I need to try different hobbies since I donāt really know what I enjoy doing and have more free time now. Watching TV feels boring now even though Iāve tried a bunch of shows.
Itās also a funny thing - when I drank I thought I was a night owl but now I love going to bed early and getting up early. Wishing everyone a peaceful weekend 
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In German we have ānach Hauseā and āHeimatā. I refer to going nach Hause when I visit my home town which is my Heimat (so where my heart belongs). And when I go back I go back nach Hause. It is strange for me as well. Heimat is where my heart is, where I feel at home.
Edit: so I basically return nach Hause to many many places where I sleep for a longer time. There is only one Heimat.
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Yes I like that translation 
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Day . 5 
Wow! What a great ride with electric scooters. With my Gf took those rent ones with Bolt app. Had quite romantic ride to supermarket and back. Really feeling fixed again. Seems like moving on is essential to me
Feeling in Peace again 
have a good one, Friends
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Day 67 sober.
Beautiful day. I love the weekends and especially the weekends during springtime!
Staying outside all day.
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I picked this up in Scotland and practice over here ever since. 
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Day 43. Feeling good and sorted. Onwards and upwards
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@SGC1522 congrats on the promotion 
@Hesmyportion congrats on double digits
978 days no alcohol.
443 days no cocaine.
65 days no vape.
Went to the shopping centre to get a birthday card and some cash out, for my step-brotherās birthday. Itās on Monday but we are gathering at my dadās house tomorrow for it. I also stocked up on squash for the month. Resisted buying crisps while I was there.
Iāve done both walks and my meditations, and Iāve been playing PokĆ©mon community day.
My mood is very low this evening. I am craving crisps badly.
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