Day 3
Sober from alcohol
Hunting thoughts about toxic ex.
Much gardening, cooking, chilling and pet-sitting 2 rabbits today. Feel like getting a cold.
Much love 
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Wahhhhh oh yes, know this feeling very well⌠Hope you are better today 
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I still feel weak but better, was able to keep everything in today whoop whoop 
I didnât do anything today, the laundry has to wait until tomorrow. I ordered everything I need for the weekend online, itâs not always bad to live in the city center.
I hope youâre not getting sick 
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Congrats on day 3 Julia!
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Thanks so much, and yeah Community Day 
!
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Thanks so much
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Day 98. A much needed rest day today.
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Way to go on not buying crisps at the store! I know how hard that can be for u and how even indulging in one of them can cause alot of distress. I hope ur feeling abit better friend. Ue doing all the right things 
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Evening Check In
Day 426
Today was my husbands birthday and i was soo excited for it. What made it even better is that we were both clean and sobwr for it I made him a nice french toast breakfast with 3 strawberry roses on top (I learned how to make these off youtube). They werent perfect but for my first try I was pleased. Then my husband got our 2nd fish tank up and running (we seperated the aggressive bigger fish like our flowerhorn from the tiny ones that were being eaten etc). Its a 33 galloon tank so abit smaller than our first tank but its honestly a perfect size for the other side of our living room.
He opened his presents and cards and then I tried my hand at making a slow cooker roast with veggies. I made a nice salad to go with it and some gravy. He really enjoyed the food!!! I always stress over making meals bcuz im a baker, not a chef. I get very anxious so Iâm super proud of myself for this. Over all, his bday was a huge success.
It feels great to be making memories instead of what we used to do. I am beyond grateful for this day.
Recovery is sooo good!!!
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Awww im so glad it was a great day!
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Checking in evening if day 67.
Beautiful spring day. Spent the day outside and then built a fire in my firepit around 6pm and stayed next to it until 10:30pm. Spent several hours listening to nature , watching the fire and my dogs run around, and just thinking and praying. Great evening sober.
Getting ready for bed. Goodnight friends!
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Day 62 AF Hi Sober family, woke today headachey, felt like head cold or hangover like days gone by. Got my ass to a Refuge Recovery meeting and met some friendly people. Glad I went ( a new Sober family for me-- and in person Yay!!)
Now time for dishes meditation 
May your Guru be with you!!
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Tw: SH ideation
Out of all of my addictions, SH is the monkey on my back that never seems to go away. Itâs always here to call me, to tell me i need it. It is the one thing I fail to stay away from time and time again. And at nearly 105 daysâŚ
Iâm here struggling.
Fighting for the control.
I know Iâm overtired, and stressed, and just quit smoking, and a parent trying to make ends meet with one income and a lot of mouths to feedâŚ
I know that my guilt and painful memories mixed with stressors (like those above, and others) are triggers. And I know that I am ultimately responsible for resisting.
Just going through it tonight guys. I hope itâs better for you 
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I think all of us hurt ourselves in certain ways or have definitely in the past. SH seems to be almost in a class of its own, since itâs a very literal physical harm.
One thing thatâs stressing you out is a responsibility that you have as you stated, mouths to feed.
You love all those mouths. I know intentionally you would not want to hurt any of them. You want to feed them and protect them. Teach and nurture.
The part in you that hurts has you putting that to the side⌠Itâs part of the âdisorderâ to self harm.
When you think about doing it, Should you do it, you yourself even know that thereâs a fine line there of where you could go too far and hurt yourself too much. You could cut yourself too deep and have too much blood everywhere where you are âcaughtâ doing it.
Or end up in a pool of blood, needing emergency care or even being dead. I know that wouldnât be your intention but it could certainly be the result.
That action hurts more than just you. It hurts those mouths youâre concerned about feeding. It also put you at risk of losing those mouths you want to feed.
I know you donât want any of that.
I donât know how to tell you what to do that will help these SH feelings go away.
Somehow you have to replace that behavior with a behavior that is good for you. Somehow you have to figure out how you can replace those hurtful thoughts with other thoughts.
You yourself may have some good ideas of how to do this. So far youâve done a good job of it. And even talking about it right now which is good instead of holding it all in. This is something that isnât healthy to hold all in because it just Builds and Builds and Builds.
Iâm sorry youâre feeling like this and I hope it goes away.
Be proud of yourself for all the gains that you have made and behaviors you have not partook in. All the unhealthy behaviors that you had including this one.
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I will resist.
I will keep going.
One day at a time.
Things will get easier.
And with people like you and others here, I know I can do it.
Here i feel less alone
Dare i say, here I feel love.
(Yes i also feel love from my kids, and I love them more than anything! I meant outside of them)
Iâm going to see about getting some sleep. Hopefully it comes quickly tonight and I can wake up refreshed.
Sweet dreams to you 
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It puts tears in my eyes to see you go through the motions of succeeding instead of caving.
You are loved. For yourself, who you are and for not letting your demons take over and win.
I hope you sleep well. And always remember that you can come here and post. If you donât get the reinforcement that you need, post again and again until you do. You know that the help is here. You know that people care about you and how youâre doing just as you care for others.
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Checking in. Day 190
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but I had fun watching my Cubbies without a beer.
