Saaaaarah, you know you can change it back? 
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Hehehe hmmm jeez why didn’t I think of that! 
LOL
Edit to say I was not having a moment of clarity when I changed my name to clarity haha!
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Oh babe – I am so sorry you are feeling so deeply today. Are you able to get to another meeting? Can you call up one of the phone numbers you’ve gotten? 11 days in very impressive and your will to never go back to the “drinking you” will overcome. Are you able to meditate, take a hot bath with some relaxing music, do some deep breathing exercises? Don’t get hung up on not enjoying walks and scary movies — fatigue at the beginning is huge and it will lift in time and you will come to enjoy your “joys” again. Great that you were able to get your check in here – keep scrolling on the site – sometimes just going through the various threads is all I need.
How is your job hunting going? I feel that this job is really causing you grief and hopefully you will be able to get out of it soon.
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In my opinion you gave yourself the answer youre looking for right here.
Thats when I started to be able to reach deep inside myself and tap into that inner consciousness, when I let go. As soon as I stopped trying to intellectualize spirituality, “figure it out”, and put things where I thought they should be… the way I viewed everything changed. For me its all flow its always moving there is nothing to hold onto, nothing tangible, nothing to figure out, so I just find peace in being.
I can really relate to where your head is at and I have heard those voices lately too. I am being taught in therapy to be compassionate to those parts of myself that are wounded and have poor coping skills such as using substances, food and pain to escape emotions. I have always though that those wounded parts of myself were trying to destroy me, that they didnt care about me because they always caused me suffering. My thinking has been challenged and now I can see how those parts of me have only been trying to save me from hurting anymore, they just didnt know any other ways. When I look at when I started using these poor coping skills I can see how young I was so now, at 49 yrs old, I can look at that child and be compassionate. Maybe that is your brain trying to just save you from this crash in your mood. It feels so defeating while its happening and like we are fighting yet another “battle” but if we look at it from a different perspective and say, " Hey, I see you and I hear you, thank you for trying your best to take care of me but I’ve got this. I can human, I have support, and I have made it this far." Try validating yourself you are doing a great job. You know somedays my best was real shit but it was the best I had that day and that was ok. Somedays are going to suck but thank god for impermenance. Everything changes, things get better so just hang on tight. Sending you a massive hug.
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@zzz WOW- what a great way to celebrate your 2 year anniversary. Glad you two have overcome your relationship struggles. Also very happy to hear that you have worked through your trauma with your dad. Holding onto trauma (even when we don’t realize we are doing so) is detrimental to our healing.
@Amy30 I love the image of your morning -hope your energy level and mood stayed up beat today
@BowlingLy Hey – welcome back to your life long journey. Love the new energetic commitment
@TheWolf Congrats on day 2 my friend!!! It definitely will get better. Our addictions cause nothing but heartache and shame / guilt. Best way to get over it is to commit to a addiction free lifestyle and make amends. Your actions will shine. Hopefully your tools for sobriety are strong. Keep strong!
@Sabrina80 thank you for sharing your nighttime routine. So glad to hear that it is working for you.
@Butterflymoonwoman I do hope you keep your appointment. I knew your son was sick but did not realize the extent of it and wasn’t sure if I should inquire. I am so sorry love – you all are handling this so well and staying so strong. 
@FoxMcCloud I do think we all go through periods of feeling unsatisfied and those lead us back to our DOC. It does take time for us to get back to our “normal” don’t be hard on yourself. Everyone heals at different rates. You are doing awesome!!!
@Its_me_Stella Awe man love – You are beautiful and strong. Just so impressed with how well you are doing. More hugs my friend.
Checking in today
139 Days alcohol and weed free
554 Days smoke free
It’s been a day. My energy levels are a roller coaster today. Saw my doctor this morning and was able to get her to order the tests I wanted. My brother’s gf came over few hours ago and god only knows what day she will leave. I swear I am so thankful to have moved in with my brother for the sole reason of getting to know how toxic she is - just wish he could see it. I actually thought she was a decent person the few times I’d met her prior. Oh well, my blood is boiling and I am trying to ignore her voice but unfortunately the energy shift can’t be ignored.
This too will pass - I am doing my best to not crack open a beer or just pour something heavier… she will not cause me to lose a day of sobriety!!! n-e-ways, I am doing better today and will definitely go to bed sober and smoke free.
EDIT – My prayers have been answered - his gf just left (she’s usually stays for 3-4 days min - not questioning it— just relieved).
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Kicking ass on this ODAAT!!! Congrats on 4 years.
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Wow!!! Congratulations! What a HUGE achievement 
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Thanks friend. My son diagnosed when he was 2. Hes almost 7 now and honestly, with everything going on, hes doing very well! But I probably should keep the appt to help deal with some of that stuff that bothers me.
Im glad that ur prayers were answered 
hope ur energy levels balance out and u can have a nice evening 
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Right on, AMIGO!!! Nicely done
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Well looky here!! So very happy for you Aybee!! Congratulations on your 4 years!!! 
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Checking in day 697. Ran a bit on the treadmill at the gym and had double chocolate ice cream. Everything in balance.
Congratulations @AyBee on 4 years!
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day 344 of no self harm
getting my gallbladder removed on may 22nd! so excited for this pain to be gone
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Oh sweetheart so happy that you got your surgery scheduled. Thank goodness this pain will be over soon. 
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Checking in with 70 days AF. Yep.
Take care all!
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Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Four years ago today, Westkapelle beach. X
@AyBee Huge congrats friend. Going we keep.
@Clarity I knew and know you Sarah. Always good to see you here. As it is good to see @Its_me_Stella sharing some of her road
And to see @Catmama23 even when you’re struggling. Hang in there lady. It’s good to see all of you, the ones I don’t name here too, each and every day. We’re in this together. One day at a time X.
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Happy 4 years 
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Omg
CONGRATULATIONS!!
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