@JazzyS God bless you always!
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Checking in
Day 465
Today has been a weird day. I slept awful last night. Had incredibly bad stomach cramps 
I woke up very tired. Once my son went off to school, i ended up sleeping for another 1.5 hours then woke up to do dishes and then exercise. I had a decent workout which im happy about. Picked up my son from the bus and then went to grab a pizza for supper. Im currently trying to work on a couple of resentments that have creeped up. Well, they have been there for some time now but they are sort of ājust below enough the surfaceā that it didnt bother me too much. Something will happen and it will resurface these resentments. So im going to pray about it tonight 
Funny thing is, is that these 2 people dont even know that they rent space in my head. So who is it really hurting?! Lol ME. Anyway, im grateful to be clean and sober. Hope everyone is doing well today!
Much love 
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1,333 Days of Recovery
Today, I reached 9 years of being cigarette free. 
I am very, very scared, anxious, & depressed. Something very bad is gonna happen to me tomorrow morning, but I donāt want to talk about it. I just wanted to check in. I am terrified. 
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Amazing work that you are putting in for yourself.
I know tomorrow is scary but try to take a deep breathe and focus on now. I am sending good vibes your way that tomorrow goes better than anticipated. You are making remarkable strides Alex and I do hope that others will be able to see this too. 
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Checking in 421 days 
Finally booked my psych appointment and picked up my script for meds.
I donāt know why that was so hard to do, but I made the time to get the help. Iāve been trying so hard to struggle through and help myself but I just canāt do it on my own anymore.
Being sober AND showing up to help myself is something Iām really going to have to work on.
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Days
227 substance free
144 self harm free
Today was a good day. I worked early, got a certificate for my job, took the kids to play, and went on a walk in nature.
Nothing too stressful.
Feeling better every day
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#Day 1709 
Woke up very early (5 oāclock) but couldnāt got back to sleep. Today? Work.
Had a very nice walk in the evening and saw a Velduil/Short-eared owl! 
Have a good thuesday all
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Do you mean that you hope not responding to this feeling with binging again or that your hope you dont continue vaping?
I have the impression that there is something going on at yours and not in the positive direction. You had many abstinence points and they are getting less.
Some time ago you wrote about applying for a job again? All I write is not meant as an offence but I know from myself being all day at home doing nothing wouldnāt be good for my mental health. I need social connections irl and if itās only colleagues and I need structure (I know you have a daily routine) and one can discuss this, I need some purpose why I get up every morning.
These are just my thoughts.
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Checking in.
Grateful for pieces of thought this early morning.
I remember back in 2020 when I was sent to full time home office. I hated my current job and didnāt come along with the colleagues. They were only there for job and little they give away from their private life. Itās a thing you can do. I wasnāt there at this point in my life. I took it personally. I learnt (believe it or not) it in meetings when people talked about why they didnāt like to exchange private things at work. Ahhh, true. Okay. But during these 12 weeks my mental health declined drastically. Being alone all day, in front of a desktop hating the job. Going back and forth to the fridge.
I went to therapy shortly after. And always itās immediately getting better when I have people around me, understanding me or not judging me. This revelation cost the insurance company a lot of money. 
And I am getting better to choose social contacts. Not perfect. Still not there to go on meetup hikes stating 10km in 5nhours, 20 people coming. I donāt know if Iāll ever be there. But I go to the canteen with colleagues. And I also need feedback from people. Example: when during lunch they ask me as they see me coming in their direction heading for lunch: ah, Franzi Tu viens manger avec nous? (If I would be joining them) and I say NO (in a tone not intended) and I see their facial expressions. And I can correct myself saying: no, I maen nice no, I just prefer to take a walk. I need external feedback to get along better with people.
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If there are resources available to you to assist financially, do it. You have made mistakes and you have grown through them. You donāt need to punish yourself. As yourself why you feel you donāt deserve help. Everyone deserves a hand up when in desperate need. My 2 cents.
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Youāve grown and learned. Worked on it hard.
I think thatās human communication, it is an exchange and we should be able to do this, otherwise we arenāt doing our complete part on the communication by paying attention to to the other person(s). Youāre doing great.
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I suppose it depends on who you are asking for the financial assistance fromā¦If its your parents or something there is no shame in asking them for help if needed.
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Checking in sober 
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1447
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Iām off today. Iām off for four days actually. I had a good week. Workwise as I was given a fixed contract after one year of working in the Detox, and asked to think about developing some new work activities to do, more connected to my personal experience as an addict, next to my normal nursing duties. Financially as in May over here employees get a substantial āvakantiegeldā bonus on top their salary. Personally as I feel I made a little breakthrough in my thinking and feeling, and connecting the two, through therapy, through work, through interactions and connections with other human beings. Working my ass of to bring into daily practise my mantras that we canāt do it alone and weāre in it together.
Thatās my journey of Discovery for me. I tried to survive alone, not to trust anybody (which in the end meant not trusting my self either), for literally longer than my memories go. I ended up beyond miserable, addicted, lonely. Becoming sober and clean gave me the chance to learn, to work on myself, to learn and understand that we depend on each other. That we are supposed to work together and love each other. Thatās the purpose of life for me.
The opposite of addiction is connection. With that in mind Iām off now, to see a special exhibit in the Van Gogh museum covering the last months of his work and life, with some works Iāve never seen before. On my own and liking that too, as opposed to feeling guilty or bad for doing stuff on my own, learning to appreciate solo stuff I as well. Itās a balance.
Grateful to you all for being in my life. You give me purpose. I feel the love. Forever in my all of you. Pic is some poppies on my way to work yesterday morning. The advantage of winter lasting so long is that now thereās a huge explosion of flowers and green all at once. X
@XXIX Huge congrats on 9 years smoke free Alex! And positive thoughts your way X
@anon74766472 Iām exactly where you are at socially Franzi. We need connection but we need to learn how to at our own pace. And we are.
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Congratulations on all the good things happening in your life! And thank you for your messages you put forward. Enjoy the Van Gogh exhibit; please share a pic or two 
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That was really inspiring to read, thank you @Mno
We also have an abundance of flowers and grass everywhere and with āno mow Mayā we are seeing wildflowers you wouldnāt normally see. It really lifts the spirits.
Checking in on Day 10, quite tired as couldnāt sleep after a busy day. I am quite grumpy too as in pain while waiting on surgery to remove my gallbladder. I try not to let it interfere with work too much but yesterday had a little moan about it. Donāt want to annoy people with going on about it though, and I do always seem to have something going on health wise.
Got out for the school run this morning and feeling a lot better now. The summer weather is just lovely after such a wet winter. I have 9 minutes to make coffee and log on for work. Have a good day everyone 
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Incredible exhibition. Really moving. When you come, come early, itās filling up now and in an hour it will be packed. These final landscapes. Donāt know what to say.
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Day 131.
Yesterday was a really good day. A good friend of ours was in our part of the globe and we met up. We did some touristy stuff, had some good conversations and a nice meal. It was also my first time seeing this person and socialising sober and I wasnāt sure how to approach the situation.
Then we sat at an outside terrace, and my husband and our friend got themselves a beer, while I was intrigued by a beverage the kiosk was selling that kinda looked like some sort of lemonade. So when my husband went to buy the drink, I told him I kinda want the lemonade thingy, but asked him to make sure it was āsafeā for me to drink. Bless him, he didnāt quite get the hint, so I had to clarify, āI mean make sure itās not alcoholic.ā Then our mate looked at me confused, and I blurted out proudly, āIām 130 days sober!ā And that was pretty much it. They said they can respect that and congratulated me. The rest of the day went well. No weirdness or need to make excuses and we all had a fun time.
I rarely actually socialise or hang out with other people, doing it sober is still super new. And yesterday, it went great! Iām pretty pleased with myself.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1,075. I hope everybody has a good one!
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I am sooooo happy to read this!!! Way to go, friend! A great future of possibilities ahead.
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