Today was a good day. Had regular meals. Still relatively new to me but giving it an honest shot. Went for a run, didn’t beat myself for running fast enough or long enough. Just trying to work on the self critical thoughts. I mean thoughts about skipping meals and wanting to exercise “better” will probably always be there but I am trying to meet those thoughts with compassion and not react too much on them…
Had therapy today too and we were working through some thought patterns I have. Today’s session was easier than last weeks when we were talking about body image. Today we were talking about work and my perfectionism. Good go have some easy ones in the mix as well
Anyway, some light anxiety today but in general it was a nice day. Nothing major, but still good. Learning to embrace the “boring”.
@Soberbilly I appreciate your concern 🩵 I’m sorry you were traumatised too, but very glad you got the help you needed and are now free @Catmama23 congrats on getting a sponsor have you spoken to professionals about your mental health? Sending strength 🩵 @JazzyS thank you 🩵 my regular GP would refer me in a heartbeat for EMDR if he could, but the referral has to come from a mental health specialist, but when I had my assessment she said that EMDR was for patients with a single trauma, and that I’d needed something different. I’ve checked my calender and realised it was Weds/Thurs last week that I was supposed to hear something, so I’ll be making a call tomorrow. Unfortunately I don’t have the affordability for private therapy. I am still on the waiting list for therapy with a charity for survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their waiting list is 3 years, and I’m coming up to that in a couple of months, so I’m hoping I can start that this year @Twizzlers thank you 🩵:people_hugging: I will check out The Listening Place tomorrow, I haven’t heard of it before so thank you @Sabrina80 Oh no! Bless you I hope you’re feeling better by now 🩵 @AlexWayhill thank you 🩵 those are some cute cats @GenG congrats on 40 days @Rockstar24777 hoping your doctor can help and that you get some relief soon from the SI. Right there with you friend sending strength 🩵 @anon53116147 that really sucks man, I’m sorry I hope the other resources come through @anon74766472 that does sound like an interesting podcast good luck with your exam results
1004 days no alcohol.
469 days no cocaine.
91 days no vape.
I managed to wake up early, too early really but I felt rested enough and I’ve managed to have a nap this evening to make up for it. I did my morning routine, then finished the remaining cleanings tasks prior to the estate agent inspection. I wasn’t completely satisfied with how the lounge carpet looked, I think next time I will use my pet hair attachment to see if it does a better job, I forgot I had it until it was too late.
After the inspection lady had been, I went for my morning walk, then I drove to my hometown to collect meds, and got my hair cut whilst I was there.
I still haven’t heard anything from the mental health team. I’ve just checked my calender and it was LAST Weds or Thurs that I was supposed to hear back, not this week, so now I will call the number I’ve got tomorrow, to try to find out what’s going on.
I see you liked this @CATMANCAM and I kept forgetting to post a reply to you, my apologies. This post is for you, too, my friend. You have been on my mind and I appreciate all you do here on this thread and how vulnerable you are in sharing.
Same with you @Catmama23 - you mentioned being sorry for “negative” posts, there is no need to apologize. That is why we are here! Comparison is the thief of joy. We cannot compare our suffering to another’s but we can acknowledge our shared experiences and hold each other up, be held up by others when we need and do the same for others when we can.
Thank you @Mno - you are absolutely right that the alcohol has also caused this isolated existence I now find myself in. What a vicious circle.
@RosaCanDo i can’t thank you enough for the kind words… reading them actually brings me some hope again. I am holding on - not going to drink over this. I’m holding on.
@CATMANCAM i do need to talk about my mental health with someone… I’ve tried different meds in the past all without luck but I was also drinking a lot at the same time so who knows…. It’s interesting though because although these lows I’m having now are really, really bad, I also have a sense of calm that peeks through now and then because I know at least I’m sober. Thank you for the hug
Oh y’all, this is exhausting but I’m glad to be here and let’s keep doing this thing
@anon53116147 wishing you luck with the housing situation. Hopefully you will be able to continue with your college @anon74766472 congrats on on exams - so impressive learning your 3rd language. @Marc3 congrats on day 4! Is it possible to talk with your partner about your concerns. He may not think that its a problem but explain that you are trying to get sober and need him to respect that. It is super nerve-wracking having this conversation, especially when you feel that it could end a 12 year relationship. You cant control what others will do and cant exoect them to follow suit - this is your journey. Find meetings and support to help you stay strong. Try to find activities to do together and possibly alone that dont involve drinking. Keep checking in my friend- we are here to help you get through this! Stay strong @Catmama23 sending you love and support my friend. Never apologize for negative posts love!!! Depression is so sneaky and overwhelming. Im sorry you are going through this! Drinking and depression is a very dangerous cycle. So proud of you for realizing picking up bottle is not the solution and instead coming here for your check ins. Hows your sponsor working out? I sent a nessage earlier today in this thread about coping with depression- think it would be helpful to check out (also fot you @CATMANCAM ). Hopefully you will be able to find someone that can help you deal with your mental struggles. @CATMANCAM look at you go…early start, your morning routine, getting your hair cut (a fresh look) . I do hope your inspection went well today and that you are feeling a little more up beat today. Wishing for good results when you call your health specialist tomorrow- im hoping that your words are heard and you get the help you need. Doing great my friend.
Evening check in
Feeling severely fatigued and as if im lugging so much weight around.
Got my orders for the bakery done this morning, my family gave me day off from restaurant and im sure i wont be doing any accounting tonight. Feel relieved to rest even though i feel thats all ive been doing. Slept for like 3 hours and ready to pass out again. This too shall pass (not all of it from my ailments…i have started an extreme detox)
I know ill be experiencing many unpleasant days but it will help me in the end!!! I would start these in the past but then day 2 and drinking would take over (which defeats the purpose) so hey - 1st time doing it fully sober.
Hello friends. Checking in on day 699. Tomorrow I start cycling off my current antidepressants to see if it helps get my blood pressure under control. I’ve heard so many horror stories about coming off venlafaxine and I am a bit worried. At least the dreary days of winter seem to be gone. Hope everyone has a good end to the week. Much love
Checking in Day 452
Potential TW: food and health stuff
Today has just been a day. I have some stuff going on in my mind with regards to my eating and health that is almost over consuming tonight. Yesterday and today i feel like i have eaten too much (wether or not thats true, idk… but of course im googling it to find an answer). I have actually been doing sooo well tho these past 2 weeks and I have seen a change in my appearance and on the scale. I have been feeling sooo good mentally and in control of food (which is such a good feeling since i have had issues with binge eating, emotional eating etc), that these 2 days of slightly over eating is consuming space in my head. Tonight it feels like alot.
When i feel like i have overdone it, it will effect my mood and how i think of myself. I realized tonight how much power my health has over me. I had been cranky and not feeling good tonight and instead of acting on this, i asked myself what was going on with me? And the fact that i overate is the cause of this. I know in my head that this isnt the end of the world. But i have these intense fears of going back to where i was with my health (40lb or so heavier). And i feel like if im not perfect with my eating/exercising, than that means that im going backwards. And this isnt the case. Its like, i know these things but my mind battles with me about it. Like why cant my mind just stop lol i needed to get this out bcuz its too much in my head. I was debating starting my own diary type thread on TS for my health so that im not potentially triggering people on the check in thread. This has been a huge aspect of my recovery. Removing the drugs is only a piece of it. I just need to get back on track tmrw and start finding my self acceptance again. Tmrw is a new day
Im sorry love - sounds like a very tiring day for your mind. I know youve mentioned recently feeling like you overdid it with food but your app was saying otherwise. This can cause you to start bingeing as its hard to trust what is the right amount.
Your mind knows you are stressed and its taking advantage and playing games.
We have an tendency to go to our obsessions and addictions when we are not feeling our best.
I can relate to having fears of leaning on food and then fearing the outcome (guilt, gaining weight, losing energy…etc).
Do you have support for bingeing? Have you looked into Food help line- support groups in Calgary.
Sending you virtual hugs my friend - do some light meditations to help quiet that mind and hopefully find some peace.
We are here for you on this thread or if you chose to start a dedicated one.
Thank you! I always appreciate u and ur support I have attended OA in the past (like 15 years ago) but i always think that i can fix this on my own. Foolish to think that honestly. Ive only been dealing with issues surrounding my health and exercise in one way or another for like 22 years or so. I’m grateful that i have a place to vent about it but maybe i can chat with that dr in June (the one i was going to talk to about my sons medical condition and my ptsd). Maybe she will have some insight too. I think i will make my own thread to journal about my health journey, the ups n downs, the realizations etc. Will do that tmrw tho as its late here now. But thank u sooo much for ur response hope ur doing well friend hugs
Thank you it was a working related exam though. I speak French more or less okay but related to working vocabulary and these types of questions I don’t feel fine. And since they know I speak French and spead up talking as well they speak at their normal spead which is really fast
Hope all goes well with cycling off of the meds. I hear it can take 3-4 weeks to be clear of all symptoms. Do make sure your doctor is aware of all your symptoms /side effects.
Gradually weening off of the meds does reduce the withdrawal symptoms - Might still get some flu like symptoms so do be prepared.
had a terrible thunderstorm all night last night so I slept maybe 3 hours tops. now I’ve been trying to sleep for 2 hours, at first I just couldn’t get comfy and then I had a random thought of how many men groomed me on the internet when i was a child and now I’m just reliving all of these horrible things men made me do and say when i was a kid.
Oh love so sorry that your mind is wandering to such places when you are trying to sleep?
Lay flat and do some mindful breathing, feeling each and every part of your body tensing and releasing with each breathe. This will calm you and force focus away from those thoughts.
I hope you are able to get a peaceful nights sleep
have you spoken to professionals about your mental health? Sending strength 
I have attended OA in the past (like 15 years ago) but i always think that i can fix this on my own. Foolish to think that honestly. Ive only been dealing with issues surrounding my health and exercise in one way or another for like 22 years or so. I’m grateful that i have a place to vent about it but maybe i can chat with that dr in June (the one i was going to talk to about my sons medical condition and my ptsd). Maybe she will have some insight too. I think i will make my own thread to journal about my health journey, the ups n downs, the realizations etc. Will do that tmrw tho as its late here now. But thank u sooo much for ur response 
it was a working related exam though. I speak French more or less okay but related to working vocabulary and these types of questions I don’t feel fine. And since they know I speak French and spead up talking as well they speak at their normal spead which is really fast 
