I got up around 8, made mysef look cute and went to the hairdresser. Had a coffee there and a very nice chat. She’s not only very good in her job, she’s also a nice person. Usually I don’t like talking while getting a haircut but with her it instantly clicked.
I have some yummie stuff in my backpack and go home now. The plan was to go to Obi (Obi is a hardware store) to get some plants or soil for my balcony but in a few hours it will rain again. So I’ll do the same as yesterday: nothing
I remember the times when I got up, feeling sick from the drinking the evening ago. I really appreciate how things are right now. Not everything is fine, there will always be something that bothers me. But I can handle that way better when being sober and clear-headed.
Sometimes I feel too stupid to understand what that even means. It didn’t speak to me at all in the beginning. Like someone telling me their job position and I have absolutely no idea what they would be doing all day, like managers (still having difficulties so figure this out).
Then there are tools and I now understand them more like a emergency kit, survival guide. What happens when I have a strong craving, distraction from unpleasant feelings. How can I get myself in a safer position. But it’s nothing I’d like to live on all day. It’s too exhausting. Like willpower. Willpower I read somewhere is like a muscle and not the tiny stabilization muscles on the spine. More like a biceps or triceps. Easily to fatigue. And that’s what happens. I can be strong all day, not drinking or bingeing but then at the end of the day I am exhausted and the energy is gone and I go to the fucking store to get some wine.
So what means work to me?
Writing something like this.
Acknowledging my feelings and finding people that might understand.
Giving up the fight of: I’d like to drink as normal people whatever normal people are. Accepting reality as it presents itself to me today.
Accepting that I am not a victim in many parts of my life. So, the work for me is to get myself into a mindshift from victim to having boundaries, setting them up and own my weak woints, where I am wrong.
So, now that this is said, I got a dumbell here and maybe will find something to do with it.
Thank you for these insightful words. I really appreciate it because it brought to light something I didn’t even realize I didn’t have a good understanding of. Great metaphor!
Checking in sober another 24hours just keeping it in the day will go to my mothers today with my daughter the sun is shining here in Scotland hope everyone is well keep fighting the good fight
I thank you also… lots of wise words and concepts in there that make so much sense.
You’re not the s word. It’s a word I rarely use.
You’re really finding yourself with your sobriety.
Very nice to have you in your new position. Congrats @anon74766472
Enjoy that 10 kg dumbbell.
So great to hear from you my fellow journeyman.
Are you seeing a therapist or on any medications for the copd?
Just glad to have you back here - you were missed -
1,065 days/35 months clean and sober today. Counting down to the 3 year mark. If I make that, it will be the longest I’ve ever been sober since I was 12 years old, crazy… Have a beautiful day today, love you guys
H.A.L.T. , cravings & how to beat them, Isolation vs. Connection,
You all know what the acronym H.A.L.T. stands for? Let me tell you. H.A.L.T. represents four causes for craving as I learned on Quitnet, the now obsolete forum that helped me quit smoking nearly 8 years ago. Here they are:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Of course there are many more reasons to crave our DOC, or our addictive behaviour of choice. Please think about it what your reasons to crave are or can be. Knowing and recognising the reason is the battle already half won.
The other half of defeating cravings without giving in to the lying addicted part of our brains is connection. As said many many times by TS member mr. Chad @wunderbar:
NEVER CRAVE ALONE.
This is so true. Active addiction means isolation. Giving into a craving is a perfect example of this. When we crave we retract, we don’t share our cravings, we disappear from view and we relapse. In isolation.
What we need is connection. Connection is the antidote to relapsing and addiction. It’s why newcomers in 12 step meetings are given the phone numbers of the present members. It’s one of the main reasons to have a sponsor.
But this is also perfectly possible without attending a 12 step program. All we need is some people we trust, peers preferably, who we can reach out to when we need it. Make a deal. Exchange phone numbers with a couple of trusted peers and/or friends and tell them what you want from them. Offer the same to them.
This place works because here we are in it together. We find connection here. Connection will save us from addiction which isolates. We can make that connection just a little bit stronger by having a few special contacts who will look out for us and have our back when needed. Promise yourself and you contacts to call or text when it is needed. NEVER CRAVE ALONE. Much love. (I made a topic from this as well as I think it’s important stuff)
Checking in…
1231 days substance free
751 days self injury free
369 days sugar free
Sitting here this morning working on my second set of Narcotics Anonymous steps. NA is a 12 step program not a meeting program, and I have seen through a man that I dated what not working an honest program results in. I dont want that for myself…
You know, its damn hard work this recovery stuff. I have been having some fear raising in me lately as I really start to focus my attention on my eating disorder. Not because I dont want to gain weight or shallow shit like that. But because this is where all my trauma hides, this is where my behaviors all started.
ED has been a way to avoid pain in my family for generations. My grandmother was raped as a teen which resulted in my eldest uncle, her way of coping with that was an eating disorder. I actually learned some of my rituals from her. Bless her heart, she really was the most beautiful soul. Sometimes we just dont know any better right? We just do what we can to make it through…
So I was guided by my HP to start these steps and as I am doing them a lot of things are rising to the surface. I am questioning a lot of things that in my past I had just accepted as a truth, challenging my old beliefs. Through working this program and learning from other recovering addicts I am starting to grasp the concept that I dont have to believe what I was always told. Just because it was that way for the other person doesnt mean it was that way for me. If I can grasp that my whole world is about to change.
Its the hard work, the work that scares the shit out of you, the work that you want to push away as far as you can… thats the work you need to do. That’s the stuff that’s going to change your life, and you just have to have faith to get through it.
I love ur post and it made me think about my recovery. As in…
What does that mean to me? Bcuz ur right, in the early stages of recovery, i had no idea what “putting in the work” meant. And now having a little time under my belt, i think its important for me to know what this means for me in my recovery. What have i been doing that has got me this far? Etc. And i think it will help me to know what i need to do every day to stay on top of my addiction. Sort of like the fundamentals. I liked ur post alot!! Thank u for sharing and making me think
Morning check in Day 454
This morning has been interesting. I feel oddly serene but its a weird feeling for me. Sort of like nothing is wrong or concerning. Normally youd think this is great! But Its a very weird feeling for me to have lol i guess bcuz I normally have some fears, anxiety, and worries in my daily life, so when i dont feel like this, its almost off-putting. I will try not to self sabotage and just enjoy this serene moment.
I am at work right now and all is well. I did do my recovery routine this morning on the way to work. Wasnt as relaxing as i like it to be. There was alot of commotion on the commute to work and it was very distracting.
I dont have much planned for the day. Just finishing my shift and home to the family. Will do laundry later but thats about it.
Hope everyone has a great addiction free day
You are an incredibly positive person and i always appreciate ur posts so much! It really encourages me to maybe try to at least enjoy what life can be like without stress or worries and anxiety. Feeling serene and calm and without concerns, almost makes me feel restless and wanting to create chaos so that i feel what i am used to. BUT… i do not like it when i feel fearful or anxious or restless. And i really like the feeling I am experiencing now. U always encourage me to get into meditation and mindfullness and ur post just now is a great reminder for what i want to strive to be like. A mindful person full of love and light Thank you!!
Sometimes we just dont know any better right? We just do what we can to make it through…
Thank you!!