Thanks! It’s good to be back, I always enjoy the camaraderie around here and I’m glad to have the community again
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Thank you! I was definitely missing the forums and the community! This place is always so helpful and glad I finally logged back in again lol. I’m still surprised sometimes that I’ve made it over a year now but I’m also kind of proud of the numbers without letting it get to my head 
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You’re not alone Nastya. I’m glad you’re here. You’re fighting. We’re in this together. 
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Checking in day 9. One day at a time. Just realising that even for me, who has always been a weekend drug and alcohol misuser, it needs to be one day at a time.
What Ive paid more attention to recently is how either me or my partner will sling out a casual joke about misuse between us, and how that inevitably sets the stage for the upcoming weekend of drink and drugs. It happened today, after we dropped off an unwanted sofa with a lady who wanted it. On the drive home he said, maybe there would be a party round hers later if she came across anything we’d lost down the back of the sofa. I did laugh. But I also called it out, saying, you know this is how we start. First a joke, and then this weekend we get totally fucked. But Im not getting fucked this weekend, and I probably won’t get fucked next weekend either.
He was good about it. So we will see. One day at a time
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413 days.
Yesterday was a struggle, I went to the gym all teary and I didn’t think I was going to be able to push through. I was about to pack up and go home after a bit of time in the treadmill but I ended up biting down and going to the gym floor for my workout. I got it done and felt a little better for it afterwards. I am grateful yesterday was a working from home day. Could take it easier.
I went to book a psych appointment yesterday and the appointments are $200 each. I’m finding it really hard justifying spending it on myself with upcoming birthday parties and bills etc. I’m going to look into the rebate program they have at my work, I think that someone mentioned there was a mental health program that covers psych appointments for employees and family members. That would be a huge help.
Anyway, have a great day friends 
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I’m sick literally, and after being sick and having to deal with issues I have at home. I’m tired of dealing with it everyday. I just want to be happy, I want my kids to be happy and my fiancé to be happy. I guess I need to make room for my mother in law to be happy too. But just know that it’s not my job to go out of my way to make her happy, but I should allow her to be her and not control everything that goes on at home. That doesn’t only make conflict between us and my fiancé but it get tiring, I’m very tired of fighting my addiction and or my in law/fiancé/kids/job/everyday life.
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@CATMANCAM How did your appointment go? Hope you were able to get some sleep last night and not worry about the appointment all night.
@TryingJoy Thank you so much for your post. You’ve got such a positive outlook on the sobriety journey. Hey never think / wish that you could have done this sooner – we are where we are when we are meant to be here. Just embrace the new you which it seems you really are – wishing you a very fulfilled sober journey.
@Amy30 were you able to get in a nap today? Did it help. I don’t like waking up discombobulated these days when I can’t blame it on the weed or alcohol. Yet – it does happen from time to time (think it’s due to a funky sleep that leaves us in a mid-sleep trance during the day) – Hope you are feeling more like yourself now.
@Rockstar24777 I do hope this prescription helps ease the heaviness.
@CueBall8n9 Its got to be tough knowing that your place of employment has a end date. Are you actively looking for something after June? I fell 5 years ago and fractured my sternum and had another about 3 years ago where I hit the back of my head hard on concrete – Obviously I’ve survived both and am doing fine but both areas do hurt badly when the weather changes and especially when it’s a cold muggy feel in the air. I wish I could tell you that it goes away but have heard from many that have had surgery or breaks that this is common and lasts for a very long time (not sure if it ever goes away).
@Catmama23 I am so proud to see you kicking ass here – 18 days AF and you just have a different tone all together. Keep doing what you are doing my friend — It is hard and exhausting but it is truly paying off!
@RosaCanDo happy 16th anniversary. So glad you were able to enjoy sober and without any pressure. Packing and decluttering is so huge when moving – it really does feel like a fresh new start – so happy for you!
@nastya_is_fighting Many times in recovery we need to let go of our old ways which includes friends / associates. These folk that are not around and do not message may need time to heal or maybe it’s just time for you to move on completely. Go to AA meetings or join groups to meet new people with similar interests. You are starting a clean life for yourself and do that by making sure your surroundings are also clean (don’t want urges or instances to pull you backwards)
@Marc3 You are doing great my friend – glad you did not let that joke slide and addressed it head on. YES you will not get fucked up this weekend and probably not next weekend either – I LOVE IT!
Checking in on Tuesday evening
146 Days weed and alcohol free
561 Days cigarette free
I’m super tired but hanging in there. Sick of people not doing their jobs – how hard is it to say I got your message and I’m working on it rather than me have to ask 5 times over 2 weeks. I wish it was just one person but it seems that everyone around me has stopped working or giving a shit. I got a lot of work done but my legs are now hurting (many stairs climbed and all day up right) it feels good to sit for a minute. I eat out 2x’s a month and tonight is my Jets cheeseless veggie pizza night so I’m really looking forward to it. My bro’s GF is over 
–they are doing a vegan burger challenge so i’m letting them be (i chose not to participate as I get irritated just listening to her manipulations). I am sober for now and will stay that way as i moved all the alcohol out of the basement last week and I rather not go anywhere near them. Have a great night my sober friends!!!
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@Alycia I’m glad you did stick with doing your workout yesterday - and so happy that it did indeed make you feel a bit better. Wishing you luck with finding a mental health program – I do think that will be huge for you.
@Corey808 I’m so sorry Corey – It is not easy fighting your addiction(s) while not having a comfortable place at home to relax and unwind. A friend of mine had a “safe word” that she would use at home which let everyone know that she needed her alone time and to not be in her face. Would something like that work for you in your home? Life does have it’s ups and downs and giving in to your addiction will not be the answer to solving them. You are stronger than you think and can get through this stint too. Are you able to talk with someone to help you deal with all the extra stresses? Sending you strength my friend - we are all here for you. 
8 Ways to Stay Calm in the Midst of Chaos
- Maintain Your Routine.
- Take a Break.
- Slow Down and Breathe.
- Identify and Manage Your Stress Points.
- Call for a Timeout.
- Keep Perspective.
- Control What You Can Control.
- Smile.
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Just gone midnight, I can’t sleep. First time in 2 months - I thought I’d won against the Insomia, I still could if put my phone down and close my eyes.
Just as I was dropping off to sleep … What can I smell ?
My whole home smells of not cigarette smoke, il say it like that. The outdoor fan has blew whatever was being smoked outside all through out. How annoying.
Anyway that’s not what is keeping me up. My little kitty Rita is being spayed tomorrow and I can’t stop thinking about how she will feel when I have to leav her there. I wish they would let me stay with her, she is deaf and it’s going to be scary for her.
Anyway il read a bit then get some sleep instead of moaning about others smoking and being that nosy neghbour because I’m up worrying lol.
Night 
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IT’s about that time of night when I feel depressed for no reason. today was pretty good; it was MH day. Had my new case mgr for about an hour and a half, he’s a blast to talk to and he helped me run some errands. Then thurpist for an hour. Refreshing walk home, and lunch. But now I’m just bored and lonely. Trying to find something I can watch. 
Might snack on something, but I’m starting to think all the comfort snacking is the reason I don’t lose weight. Anyway, have a good sober night, fam! 
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1,325 Days of Recovery
I’m okay, but I’m also not okay. I need to start taking my medication daily. I haven’t taken my seizure medication or my psychotropic medication in a long time…That’s a huge secret. I’m gonna try to remember to take my night time medication for nightmares tonight. I saw my psychiatrist on Zoom today & she thinks I might have OCD. I downloaded an awesome plant app today & that made me happy.
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@Twizzlers sucks that you are having to smell the smoke while you are trying to sleep. Ah - i do hope everything goes well for Rita tomorrow and shes not too anxious.
@DryIn785 glad your day went well. Are you into gaming at all? Play with opponents around the world? Might help with nightly boredom. Also - another show on Amazon prime - “From” - have you seen it?
@XXIX i do hope that you sleep tonight without nightmares and hopefully taking the meds will get you back to feeling like yourself
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Hey there! I’m not into gaming, but when I upgrade my computer I’m probably going to get into it. Right now I have a Lenovo Ideapad that I bought for just writing several years ago. I’m amazed it’s still useful.
I have seen “From”; been waiting for season 2 to come out. Didn’t know it was on Amazon. I’ll check it out. 
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Some of those identification apps for plants are amazing! I look forward to planting and gardening now that I’m sober.
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Do we work at the same place 
?
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Very good resource many employers have added to their benefits package. Definitely check it out.
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Oh no!!! Im so sorry— i know im losing my mind with frustration and wouldn’t wantvthat for anyone else
We will survive- maybe we should also stop giving a shit- not likely but a novel thought 
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Good night all. It’s been a decent day for the most part. I go tomorrow to get an epidural pain block shot in the back of my neck. Hopefully it will give me some relief.
Thanks for the thoughts @JazzyS ! You rock!
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Same here. Plus not taking the call when you see the person is available in teams. It evokes a feeling of being powerless, depending on other people like being a kid.
Sometimes it helps me to understand that many people have just too much to do as we are understaffed but then: 
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