Need to have a hard talk at group therapy today. Have a confrontation. I learned much better how to do that at work in recent years, although I still don’t like 'm there still either. Main thing there is that I learned not to take stuff personal. But my personal life, well, is personal isn’t it? So that tactic doesn’t work here.
I don’t feel the impulse to drink or drug but I do feel the urge to run and hide. To just not show up for therapy today, to ‘forget’ about it all. Just accept another failure and trudge on with my life. I’m not craving alcohol or drugs but still the mechanism is the same, the wanting to get away from it all, to forget, to find oblivion.
What I’m feeling is actually deeper than addiction, addiction was just a way to express these deep feelings in me. An extremely unhealthy way, a way that led to stagnancy, to depression, a way that would have led me to suicide.
I learned to recognise that. Addiction and substance abuse has lost their allure to me. But the underlying issues are still there, even though I’m trying to address them in a more healthy way, in my daily life, in therapy, in work. I guess I’m disappointed how strong I still feel the urge to just lay down and give it all up at times.
i just can’t seem to make myself check in daily. i know it’s beneficial and it’s helped so much but I just don’t care enough anymore. I’m gonna try to set an alarm to check in daily.
nothing eventful. my gallbladder removal is Monday but I have to stop taking my arthritis medicine 5 days before surgery and I’m in so much pain. every single individual knuckle hurts. I’m just ready for this surgery to be over with
Try to ignore what other people say, some groups of people can make us feel horrible. You know who you are and your doing great on your sober journey congrats to you on that.
Some people might listen to her but I’m sure many others will not. Try not to let that get you down.
Sometimes quick changes in our life we can’t control, are good for us even if we don’t realise it at the time.
You deserve support.
The reason I asked how long sober you are is incase it was a serious withdrawal symptom. But it can’t be that.
Do you speak to any professionals about it ? My cousin also had hallucinations, they can be really bad and it got to a point where he got some professional help and they have gone.
You probably already have help for this but just incase it’s worth mentioning to a health professional - don’t suffer in silence. And I say all this because I care your okay and to let you know there is help that can work to help these.
I find sleeping helps reset my thinking when things are bad, and I’m craving. I tend to wake up thinking more logically.
I hope your okay breakups are hard on us. You do deserve to be treated decent through it though.
Glad your here, keep reaching out.
Wow 443 days that’s brilliant Megan
I hadn’t seen a post from you for a while as I have been bit busy and this made me smile .
I hope the pain settles for you. Hurry up Monday !!
I was going to suggest this also. Try to face it, one thing Iv learnt from my own experiences this past 3 years (dealing with trauma) is that I had been running and hiding from it also, even sober still running from it all.
Slowly as I face each battle one at a time I realise everything is going to be okay and I feel stronger and a real sense of achievement (more than that even I just can’t find the right word). For me trying to just not think about it - just get ready and get my but out the door and get on my way. I can talk myself out of anything that I don’t want to face. And once we have tried to manage what ever it is, it begins to feel freeing.
We are here for you, il be thinking of you today big hugs
@SoberWalker 4 years and 8 months is huuuuge congratulations .
My 11 days has just turned into 12 days! I am taking my daughter to watch her first professional football match tomorrow Look out! She’s only four, but super excited! Everyone enjoy your weekend
You cannot control what people think of you. It is one of the toughest things to let go of. Whatever your past with your ex, you are doing your damnest to improve yourself now. That is a great thing, and worth protecting.
Day 353. The tattoo I did yesterday went fairly well, could of gone smoother and would of liked to finish. But anyways today I’m going home for the weekend with my girls, it might rain but I’ll try to think of something fun for us. I do still struggle with motivation sometimes and getting up and doing things, some of its me being anxious and afraid to be seen in my home town. But even here in Plattsburgh I do struggle to get out into the community, the most I really do is go to the gym. College is going to be really hard for me and I catch myself trying to talk myself out of going. The only way to get over this is to actually do them but it’s not that easy for me. All stuff I’m working on I suppose. Much love happy Friday everyone
Checking in day 103… it was a rough week for me. Had a run in with the ex. Shes not doing well… completely homeless now, living out of her truck. We had a moment where i felt like i was actually getting through to her and than it all was just blown up by an unexpected side job i got offered. I pull up to thr job site with my buddy and its literally right next door to her mother which currently has a cpo on me and her. Out of respect i called my ex to tell her and with her being on drugs completely thought that the whole thing was a set up and she completely shut the whole job down. She went and told the homeowner a whole bunch of lies and long story short we ended up not being able to do the job. Im still upset about this and all this happened on Tuesday… im just tired, tired of caring, tired of the lies, tired of my heart feeling bad for her situation, tired of the guilt i feel because of her situation, and tired of it effecting my life… even down to how i provide and support myself. Thankfully i have therapy today and ill be able to talk about this but its definitely dragged me down this week. Im still sober, i refuse to let anything take me back down that path… ive come too far! Broke my phone too, ugh… but on the bright side of things, im still alive and still trying to do the next right thing. ODDAT right??? ODAAT!
I’m glad you can talk about it in therapy. If you stay sober there will be other jobs. Just keep working and you will move forward.
@anon53116147 It can be hard to be social when we are used to chemicals pushing us to be artificially funny / charming. College will be a challenge, but you can do it!
Oh man…yes…that has been so tough for me too…it’s foolish to think everyone will like you tho. I guess we need to be true to ourselves, but having said that…be open to the possibility that there are areas to improve upon😃
Day 1,071 clean and sober. I tried some new medication last night and I think I might have slept ok. I only remember waking up once through the night which is huge! I have a follow up appointment in a few weeks to see if anything needs to be adjusted but whew it’s been tough. I also started my antidepressant medication 2 days ago and hopefully I will be feeling better in a couple weeks. Thank you for all of the supportive comments I am sorry I haven’t responded back to them all but I see them and I love you guys very much! Have a great day
Day 96 AF
Happy Friday Sober Family
Reading a book on facing our Shadow.
Reminds me of the phrase Face Everything And Recover.
I want to feel special - like I’m accomplished or that I’m the worst. My sponsors group theme says we are average (and we belong)
Tired as fuck but not gonna drink over it.
“Self remembering is the awareness of the presence of God”
Lordy, ty for our blessings, greatful for ur presence and guidance and Ty for giving tools to embrace my wounded inner child and let her/him know their not alone anymore ~ we aren’t in our cocoon anymore we are free to live and love abundantly with honesty , openness and willingness
Ty 12 steps, Ty Buddha Ty Sangha ~ We can do this - Love you guys, (smiling today)
It’s okay to have hope and compassion for someone especially when you know how deep in addiction and how it feels as you have been there. But your not that person anymore and you have grown and it’s upsetting and hurts you of course that you couldn’t grow together.
No one can pull anyone out their mess unless they are willing to try.
Iv seen some but not all of what’s going on for you here ij your posts, of how you have tried to be there but I think if it was me I’d have to back off for my own sobriety and the fact that she is deep in addiction and is ruining what you have that’s going well is not healthy.
You don’t need that. You don’t deserve that.
It’s heartbreaking, but you have to put yourself first and remember to tell yourself you did try, you put alot of effort in but unfortunately there is nothing you can do.
You must continue on your journey, keep bettering yourself and don’t let anything bring you down. Your doing so well
Big hugs
Checking in day 30. I have too many mixed feelings about this milestone. Ive gotten here maybe 10 times in 20 plus years so I know it is not easy, especially this time with other friends gotting through the struggle this week and my birthday landing on day 27, but I realized over the last 24 hours I need to focus more. I want to say thank you to everyone on here for your stories, your support and your check ins every morning, I would not have made it this far if I didn’t think about you-all’s struggle as well. The effort you-all make everyday to push forward reminded me that I could do it too. This time when I said it’s just one day I need a break and I ignored my wife saying that’s not a good idea it never works I don’t want you to die, I had you guys in my hand to bring me back to sanity. Thank you again and let’s all stay sober one more day!!!
and to let you know there is help that can work to help these.
.
big hugs 
Look out! She’s only four, but super excited! Everyone enjoy your weekend 
- Love you guys, (smiling today)