Hi … is there anyone you can speak to face to face or over the phone? If there is reach out to them. If not, hang on here, as we’re all here for you. Just because you bought those minis doesn’t mean you have to drink them, its not too late. Wishing you all the love and support you need to get through this
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You’re right, it is. No “but”, it is awful.
Right now you’re pretty deep down with your emotions, don’t go that path.
As @Marc3 already said, talk to someone face to face or on the phone.
Shit, life IS hard and it IS pain and it won’t get easier if you drink. Alcohol won’t make you healthier. Don’t give yourself up, you’re important. Even if you don’t see that right now, but you are.
Lots of love to you 
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Oh love…im so sorry and i know exactly how you feel and what yoy are goung through. Do not drink those minis…no matter where you are now - drinking will only reverse the progress. You will get healthier, you will lose weight and god dangit you are beautiful! It takes time for us to reverse all the damage weve inflicted. I know its hard - please keep the patience. You are doing so well and i know it hard work. I know im not that far along but seeing others here - it does get easier - only if you hang on and continue with the work
You are worth it! You will survive this and come out shining. I do hope ive sent this in time - sending you my support
Edit- you are not lettimg anyone down. We just know and i know that you all kmow that you will not find any relief in drinking. 
breathe- find your inner strenght- one moment at a time.
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Thank you @Sabrina80 @Marc3 @JazzyS i did text my sponsor but she’s at work and can’t talk. I can’t bring myself to text anyone else. I know I could do an online meeting too. This is the past where I get a split brain. Part of my brains knows exactly what to do. Reach out, don’t isolate, talk to another alcoholic. The other part of my brain doesn’t care about being healthy, is full of resentment and anger, is lost and hates myself. There have been so many triggers this past week - extra stress. I thought going to the doctor would be a good thing but wow was I not prepared. I feel so gross in my body right now and like I want to crawl out of my brain. It’s like getting stuck in an elevator and you get so desperate you start scraping the walls even though you know it won’t change anything. I’m hoping if I keep myself distracted long enough this feeling will pass but part of me doesn’t care and I can’t seem to make that part care. I feel like when you stop drinking you not only have to not want the negative effects, but also something to fight for? To live for? Something to hold onto. I don’t have that. Yes I love my wife and kitty but that doesn’t stop the constant pain and loneliness. And somehow saying “fuck it” makes me feel empowered, like I can take back some control of Emmy life instead of life and my emotions constantly beating me up. My head is my own bully! So deciding to drink insanely feels like I’m taking back power even though that other part of my brain knows that’s bullshit. If I “choose” to drink it’s not a choice, alcohol is running my life, alcohol is trying to destroy me.
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I know something that’s worth living for.
You.
Alcohol will promise you the world, but will leave you destroyed and you know that.
You know, saying NO to alcohol is the most badass empowering thing a human can do.
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Hey listen. Remember, one action at a time at this point. Pour those minis down the drain. That is the only thing you gotta do right now. Don’t worry about solving everything and anything, just pour them away. That is one positive thing you can do right now to take back control
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I hear you. I hate the doctor. I got up to obese earlier this year and had to make a change. It’s been hard but I’m back down into “overweight” and still a long way to go but it CAN be done!
I have two more appointments next week for blood pressure problems caused by alcohol… imagine how stupid I feel to have made myself sick through it!
Anyway… you and me… we’re the same. Health blah, hate going to the doctors… need to lose weight. And guess what? Im not drinking tonight… course I want to… I’m an addict too, but I won’t. Im going for a walk instead and the craving will pass. Yours will too! Have faith in yourself
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Day 11
I worked my ass off on job application just to fail the assessment and it said I’m no longer under conciteration until next month when I can try again
I’m not even mad though
The workers from other stores say working there sucks
So I have another 2 places that could come through
Why isn’t getting a job a little easier
It’s de motivating to tell someone who is seriously trying to get a job, no you can’t have it
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Super motivating
Your absolutely right for you and me
We got this
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Checking in sober. Trying to work but can’t focus. Had therapy at lunchtime and that triggered a lot of crying. It seems like depression is all I know. Even when sober. Getting basic stuff done always feels like trying to climb Mt. Everest. So I’m behind at work. My home is a mess. But I can’t manage to actually do anything to change that. And then I get going with the negative self talk. It’s been getting worse. I get so tired of everything being such a struggle and just want to give up. I know so many people have way worse problems than me. But it sucks to be a war with your own mind. I’m not really looking for suggestions (I’m on meds and see my therapist regularly), I guess I just needed to vent.
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I hope your ok
@Catmama23
Do you have your kitties
I have a 1 year old black cat named shadow 
I hope you don’t relaps
You can feel better without picking up and your health can get better
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Hey just wanted to see how you were doing? Havnt had much time to get on the app lately. Been trying to just stay busy and with the profession im in…its prime time for us right now. Ive been walking out the door at 7am and not coming back home until 10-10:30pm this whole past week. Kya has regressed a little with me working so much so i definitely need to find a better balance for our situation… anyways, hope youre having a good day!
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Thanks @james83 you are right… I can see now that I basically just had an adult emotional temper tantrum 
I’m just having to face all the crap I pushed aside when I was drinking. The craving is passing.
Thanks too @noshame and hi to Shadow 
our cat is Smokey (sometimes we also call him chicken 
) he is an older gentleman
Cravings are a b*********tch man! Whew I’m exhausted
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Hey Billy - so good to hear from you. I do understand having a busy work life but do find the balance for sure as it is a road to burning yourself out. We were not put on this earth to just work - a reminder that I have to tell myself very often. I’m sorry that Kya has regressed - I was hoping to see pics of you and her on the pets thread.
Wishing you luck in finding the balance!
Life is good here - have a few events coming up in 2 weeks that i’m prepping for and trying to find my own balance with life and work. I have a few tests being sent in for evaluation this week for my health - keeping a positive attitude that they will return with some answers. All in all i’m here and loving being part of another sober day.
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Hello all, checking in on Day 8 after taking a break from here and going back to old habits. Have been reading for a bit now but wanted to post and say hi.
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Oh yes - been there — so much nicer to come out of it with your wits in tact!
So glad that you reached out here when the urges were so strong - we will forever be here. We are stronger together. 
You’ve been through a emotional rollercoaster - get some rest.
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I’m so glad I checked in here. 
I feel like whenever I write things out it takes some of the power out of them. Thanks @JazzyS
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Huge congrats on 3 years, that’s fantastic 
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So true…amazing how much power words hold!!! I did read on one of the threads that just writing HELP on this thread will bring on help if you ever feel like its too much to write it all out.
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Good for you. I’m glad you regrouped and realized what you were doing and how it would have made you feel worse. You couldn’t get a hold of your sponsor, but you popped on here and found about 8 temporary sponsors within minutes. Keep showing back up here to vent.
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