First of all it is the aspect of not planning the activities due to the fact of not being enough.
What am I doing…
Counter thoughts
Trying to reprogram patterns
Challenges like getting the lifesaver cert
Last one doesn’t realy fill any cups.
It’s as if the cup has wholes…
It’s just another try!
Like I am doing sports to treat myself, not to loose weight
Like I am eating a meal I realy want and not that fits your macros to loose weight
I am choosing taking care of myself first
It’s okay to not fulfill this work perfect
For example.
Not sure if it works, I just started practicing
I have the feeling of not being able to support much atm. I am exhausting myself. And I am thinking constantly how to improve the situation. Probably thinking less and feel more as the usual task was back in therapy.
I was thinking about some things today. How I always wanted to be really good at something, like in my actual position, like being a good runner, being good in cycling or Tennis or whatever. The point was maybe more to belong somewhere. I wasn’t willing to put the work and time into becoming all the above mentioned things, I lost interest too quickly and my mind wanted to try different things.
When I wanted to stop drinking maybe I also wanted to belong to the club of sober people. I wanted what I thought they had: an easy life where the sun was always shining. But I failed. Well, at first I failed every day. To be honest, I only began to put work into this sobriety, discovery, recovery thing when I was out of other options. I fancied death more than the life back then. Outer life didn’t change too much. I somehow managed to overcome just the picture of wanting to be sober and working on living sober.
Checking in. Life is currently still a shit show. I need work like yesterday and the pain of losing my niece is unbearable. However, I’m sober and drinking has been the furthest thing from my mind. Stay strong everyone and congrats on all the great numbers.
Day 2 let’s go! I lost my beautiful mother suddenly April 4th. The stress of handling her estate is to the point it feels like I can’t yet grieve. Which probably didn’t help my drinking. I’m feeling strong today though. One day at a time! One step at a time, with everything. This too shall pass.
Well I made it through my birthday without drinking. Enjoyed my treat - a yummy pizza ! Got lots of love and hugs and went to bed sober. Nice! I’m on day 10 and can’t go back. I feel so much better SOBER.
@Dmcg1987 congrats on 50 days @Alycia I’m glad the session gave you some hope 🩵 @Juli1 welcome back pleased to read from you @liminal.rehab congrats on 90 days and also for 11 years cancer-free @MegaMeg Sorry for your loss @Alice13 congrats on double digits
1023 days no alcohol.
488 days no cocaine.
3 days no vape.
1 day no binge-eating.
The depression is heavy today. I’ve done all of my usual daily things. Hoping for an early night.
Checking in sober. Shoulder pain is a bit better today. But headache is back. Was at least somewhat productive at work and went for a walk at lunchtime. I’m just feeling exhausted and depressed. I’ve been sleeping worse than normal lately. Horrible nightmares last night. Everything is just so exhausting.
Day 427.
I’m starting back at work today, working from home to ease myself into it.
I’ve got zero motivation, I’m normally at the gym a four days per week, working five days a week. This last fortnight, I’ve just really tried to slow things down and give myself a break so I didn’t relapse. I took the pressure off myself to go to the gym and swapped it with walking, I took some time off of work, and started these new meds.
I’m super fatigued from the meds, and I don’t have any drive to go back to work or the gym. I feel super guilty about it. I really hope I can pick myself up, gently get myself back into my routine. I think this week is a bit of a write off. But I didn’t cave, and I haven’t drank to try and feel better. Which has been my go to for years and years. This stint of depression has been a big test on my sobriety for sure. Because I expected that getting sober would fix my problems.
It did for a little while, and then life kept going and throwing things at me and I have to learn to cope and live without the numbing agent, long term as well as short term. I saw this quote online that really resonated with me in my struggle-
‘In a culture addicted to escaping, being sober can feel strange. Refusing to numb the pain of being human takes courage, and self-love, a noble determination. At first it may feel like a personal triumph, but in time, it becomes a selfless act, a guiding light.’
Thanks for listening, stay strong friends, I appreciate you all
Been pretty anxious all day and I don’t really know why. Trying to keep my mind and body busy but I know I will eventually have to come to rest at some point today and will need to deal with whatever I am feeling. It’s a beautiful day with so many happy moments that I want to just enjoy but its exhausting to have this baseline of anxiety all day. So tired of being anxious randomly. This is the first random anxiety spike I’ve had while apart of this community and it feels nice to be able to check in and not feel isolated like I usually do. Going to focus on being gentle and loving with myself and just making it through tonight.
Thanks for being here, I appreciate this place a lot. I hope everyone is having a good day
@Bones_80 man you are doing so awesome – I am sorry that you are still struggling with this pain. @anon74766472 Thank you so much for sharing your emotional journey – So very impressive @Girlinterrupted so sorry for your loss. Great numbers – glad you are able to face this grief without turning to drinking @MegaMeg I am so sorry for your loss. Congrats on day 2! Are you able to get some counselling to help you through the grief? Possibly attend meetings, change your routine(s) when you finish up with settling the estate. Wishing you the best on your journey – I do hope to see you around. @CATMANCAM I am so sorry to hear about your depression today. I do hope you were able to call it an early night and get some rest. Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day for you my friend. Glad to see the patches are working for you. @Noshame How was your 1st day? @KarenKW is your therapist able to prescribe something for the depression? Depression alone can be super exhausting but with the lack of sleep the exhaustion can be crippling. I do hope you get some relief soon. @Alycia I’m glad to hear that you are giving yourself some grace for not have the motivation or drive to get back to work / gym. Good on you for taking that walk. Do talk to your doctor to see how long the side effects from meds last – Hopefully your fatigue will be gone soon. Day 427 is super impressive and I know you’ve put in the work to get here. Just need to keep the healthy reminder that drinking will not lessen the fatigue or make you feel good in any way. LOVE THE QUOTE @ChickenLarb it’s rough that anxiety is just creeping up on your so randomly.
After such a beautiful day I do hope you are able to have a restful evening.
Checking in
160 days free of weed and alcohol
575 days free of cigarette
I am doing alright – not the best but not the worst. I’m having severe pains in my right hand and numbing my arm (yeah – this is new)… I may have been a bit over zealous these two days in trying to get my life back. I’ve looked up PT for my hand and trying to do some exercises. My friend did drop off my new prescription sunglasses with a couple of vegan cupcakes – that was a nice treat. All in all a good day with little complaints and no urges.
! Got lots of love and hugs and went to bed sober. Nice! I’m on day 10 and can’t go back. I feel so much better SOBER.
