56 hours into my non-vaping existence. Im proud to be past the 2 day mark. Cravings were high yesterday. Heres to hoping for a better day today!
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Please, please, please pay attention to this. This is healing! And if you stick to leaning in on your HP, you will get more of this. At least, this is how it happened for me. And you are very, very loved.
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How are you, dear friend? So good to āseeā you here!
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Dankjewel x
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Oh I love my walks @TANK23. I often struggle with lack of motivation but I soon as I put on my shoes Iām happy to go. Itās nothing spectacular but only the river, trees, fresh air and me. Feeling so much better after an hour walking. Itās that big deal for me physically and mentally!
Have as good a sober day today as I have here. Wish you well.
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Sorry about the migraine @SoberWalker. Have you tried any sort of a Triptan like Sumatriptan? Thatās the medication wich works for me. Keeps me a bit low but feeling much better after about 2 hours. Migraine sucks.
Hope youāre better soon.
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Day 
No Politics. Just pointing some understanding. Some time ago I was at Germany for example or Poland for example - the prices down there was like x4 times lower than what we have here in my country. Our people >even> go for shopping trips to Poland very often. Now the salary prices are like almost double lower here than everywhere around. Basically for most the salary is below 1000 ā¬. If you donāt have good job that can be even lower than 700-600. With that prices!? No wonder why most of my friends now live in U.K mostly or somewhere in South. Working for 12 hours is a norm here. People even working 12+ hours or two jobs! Very often we work on Saturdays too. For most - that is all they can to survive basically. I can understand at some point why they pick up a bottle on weekend just to relax after all they been through. I can understand why our suicide rates are so high.
Now I am the lucky one. My job gives me 1000+ sometimes even around half more when we work for 10+ hours. Today I heard that our salary will grow for 15%! 
That is great news! Some things might be changing for the better. I totally not feeling bad about my situation. I feel blessed. I have no reason to be angry or pick up a bottle.
Yes I work a lot, but job is not that hard as what I worked before. I have carrier options here too. Been working as a driver for 8 years now. Previously I had quite hard works and was thinking it is all pointless. I had around 9 years security job at night. Also worked two jobs at some point. Security - night. Lumbermill - day. Then slowly moved too driving at days. Actually my specialty is a graphic designer and I do started to work at Advertisement Office when was going to college. That was about the time I got my first panic attack. My condition got very severe for 4 years and I quit my Graphic design job. Was still working at night and that was not helping me with my condition. Then we got 7 year crisis here and that Office job was no longer an option to take. I Changed many jobs and people around me started to think that I am not reliable at jobs as I change them too much. Yet it all comes to the point 
It all was worth it. All the driving jobs I got before - It was all worth it! I got a lot of experience and it all was like great practice too me. It almost seems now like good worth grind. I am happy. I love what I do now.
Now as we work a lot here, most says it is stupid to go to gym after long hours at work or to give a run early in the morning. I say it is crazy to stay awake scrolling phone till 2 at night or drinking and having hangovers whole weekend! Yeah how about that?
Going to Gym now after work and I am all hyped! 
Day 4
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Days PMO free: Day 1
Streak with at Least 7 hours sleep attempted: 1
Days with PS5 in the closet to close the day: 9
Days went to bed the same time with my wife: 9
Days i dont take my phone into that room at night: 1
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening all.
So not trying to be depressed, sad, shamed, or discouraged cause that doesnāt do any good. Had a setback this morning. Iām going to use this as another opportunity to tighten up my game plan. I setback usually happens after a series of compromises for me, the āoh iām cured so now i can be like normal peopleā behavior manifest itself with me getting āone lookā at an image. Or getting on youtube for anything. When those warning signs happen and my toxic levels approach 8-10, there are protocals i need to follow to avoid a setback. Itās troubling that i havenāt been able to hit 30 days in a couple of months. Iām fighting discouragement hard this morning. Been suffering/struggling for 20+ years. My thinking was flat out toxic yesterday and all the hours i spend on treatment for my issues, i just push aside. I need more accountability in my plan. Hiding my issues for my wife is only adding to my misery, but i dont want to lose everything. Lying never got me anywhere in life. Just wanted to get these miserable thoughts off my chest. Have a great day everyone.
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Wow. We are very similar in our struggles. Like alot. I too am my worst own enemy. Iām a grown man that struggles with body image issues from being made fun of for being fat with moobs all of my childhood. I struggle still to this day with it. Every single day. I also struggle with the perfectionism. I beat myself up for not being able to conquer my addiction and essentially i feel like an Actor everyday of my life.
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Morning all, hope everyone is well. Im excited and a lil annoyed today. Very excited that the wife and adult family are going on an alaskan cruise, but im a lil peeved too at the drink prices.
So for the all inclusive unlimited alcohol package its 60/day/person and it includes: Alcohol, wifi, special desserts, fitness classes and some other lil things
For non alcoholic package its 35/day/person and it ONLY includes basic drinks. Then another 15/day for wifi, and each add on. I mean i dont even know if I can drink 35 bucks worth of coffee in a day lol.
I just find it a little annoyingā¦ but good a good thing happened because of it. While Iām trying to figure it out I jokingly suggested to my wife that maybe she should buy an alcohol package for her so we can have Wi-Fi on one device and if she wants to have a drink she can after all āIām an alcoholic sheās just a problem drinker.ā I was really curious as to how that would be received and kind of nervous but I also do feel a little guilty that she quit drinking largely in support of me. Over a day or two she considered it and when I brought it up again more seriously as an option I was relieved and she expressed that she doesnāt really have any desire to drink alcohol. Well sheās not an alcoholic like me in the I cannot stop drinking once I start she is in the category of drinkers who often drink with emotion and then get way too drunk and feel very sick for the next day sometimes having to give apologies for actions when sheās blacked out.
Overall without any duress she recognize again that she simply has a better life without alcohol. 
we leave for this trip tomorrow and have yet to choose whether or not we want to have a drink package. I donāt know if I can even drink the water on a cruise so I might need to get it just for bottled water 
Thanks for hearing me vent. Have a great day all.
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Looking good!
Yes situation is bad worldwide now, but I mean we got problems in our country even before all whatās happening now. I agree about meet. For example you never know what you gonna get, all the antibiotics and the condition in how the animals was raised, what THEIR food was - it can be unhealthy. Now if you want to get a good product, then the prices does not goes with reality.
Hard times, but there still are some options we can mange, healthy food to find. Cheaper - even healthier. You can spend hundreds for fast food or you can get your rice, beans, nuts, some devil trees 
and that would be 100% healthier than your farm raised āfish and chipsā or pasta at restaurant with fake carbonara sauce 
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Hey all, checking in on day 1145. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Thank you!
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Checking in for day 10.
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Youāre doing great, keep going! Keep checking in here too. Welcome back, by the way
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Thank you!
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Day 71, woke up at 8 made my bed and tried to figure out the internet connection, for some reason I canāt hook to the wifi here. But Iām just chillen, I feel lost honestly now that Iām gone twin oaks, not having groups all day and a cerfew is just weird to me right now. Iām very grateful tho, and Iām grateful I got my teeth fixed yesterday, woo
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I have tried once and her response was so defensive, negative, and hateful. This is what caused me to stop talking to her.
I found a letter online that a women wrote to her abusive father. The way it was laid out and written is how i think i am going to address her. Itās not blaming, but letting the person know what they needed from the parent. I am not going to do it in person for the simple fact of her reaction to me 4 years ago. I will let her know that if she wants to communicate with me i am open to it. It will be in her hands after that. This is the best way i can think to address this right now. Iām going to take my time with it though. Keep asking my HP for guidence and do a more of the EMDR therapy.
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@Brl81 congratulations on double digits!!! Nice to see you posting again 
@Kdog wow kevin, thats awesome that she made that decision to not drink alongside with u. Crazy prices tho for the non alcoholic package. I do hope ur trip goes well!!
@Mel6 way to go Mel on resisting the urge to pour urself a drink! Proud of u! And congratulations on ur 11 days!
@SoberWalker im so sorry to hear about ur migraines. Thay sounds extremely painful. Hope u enjoy ur day off today
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