Heading into day 4. My little one wakes up at 4.30am ready to go and mornings are so much more fun and full of laughter now im not nursing a hangover.
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Today is supposed to be my wedding anniversary. I am going through a divorce and i am very lonely. As a result of my marraige I drank a lot to cope with a lot and bad habits became a lifestyle that became my downfall. I feel extremely lonely and in this keep getting flash backs of all my bad decisions. Its like drowning and xoming back to life over and over. I donāt want to drink but I do want to forget
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Hi Jacqui 
Iām sorry youāre going through such a tough time 
Iāve been down this route before, and I know how hard it is. When youāve spent a long time with someone, it can be very hard to readjust, to find yourself again. My situation was a bit different, in that I had to get away from a violent abuser.
I feel like you would benefit greatly from therapy. Before you can move on, you have to forgive yourself for the things you feel bad about. Thereās no way forward until you do. Until you deal with these feelings head on, the threat of the bottle will always be there.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, if you just give yourself a chance. You need to make some new connections I think. Learning to be single again is much like learning to be sober in some ways. You canāt just leave a void where the bottle was, no more than you can leave a void where your ex was. Fill those voids with good things. New friends, hobbies and interests, and healthy habits.
Youāre stronger than you know. You just have to keep putting one brave foot in front of the other, and deal with this stuff instead of drowning it out. How will that help you tomorrow? It wonāt. Youāre doing well with your sobriety, thatās something to be proud of 
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Checkinā in on day 69ā¦
7 weeks to go and I am outta that job!
Life has changed so much, I have a job interview next week and their focus is looking after their staff - happy days.
Hope yāall are well, I finally have a few days off, so catch ups on housework and gym
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Checking in from a 5 day camping trip on the East coast of Scotland. This is day 3 but last night I found myself getting really upset and isolating myself and overthinking. I know now that this is the exact sort of circumstance I would have dealt with by drinking āto take the edge offā and without that I feel a bit lost.
I was able to share a bit of how I was feeling with one of the other campers over breakfast so Iām feeling a lot better now. Itās a single parent festival and there are a few mums (they are all mums) who are getting a bit drunk into the evening and Iām feeling triggered by that. Itās not making me feel like drinking myself thankfully, but Iām very aware of it, and can see how self centred it makes people.
Iām no longer counting days alcohol free but I am aware that Iām at about the 18 month mark without any alcohol and Iām so grateful to be able to say that.
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
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Good to hear you are feeling brighter. Today is a new day, be kind to yourself and get to the gym to feel grrrreeat!
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Day 1. Beating myself up but need to move forward. Bad night last night. Narrowly avoided making a huge fool of myself. But did anyway. My partner said it was the drunkest he had seen me in a while. Someone made a pass at me and I rejected it and told him I love my partner and I donāt want to deceive him. Came home and told my partner everything. I love him so much - partners of misusers are heroes. He also has flaws and has slipped up in other ways but we move forward together. Day 1 back here to try again.
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Hey Delia
Good to hear from you. I wonāt lie, I read it wrong when you said āthis is day 3ā, I wonāt say what I thought! 
This seems like a nice thing for single mums to do together (aside from drinking that is). Itās the experience of the trip itself that should matter most. What was wrong with some tae or hot chocolate instead? 
Thatās great news about your 18 months of sobriety, youāre inspirational 
I look forward to a day when the numbers donāt matter so much anymore, you know roughly where youāre at.
Enjoy the rest of your trip Delia x
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Hey, I am super happy you made it through. Take good care of yourself these days!
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Day 6
Checking inā¦
So happy I didnāt drink yesterday.
Good consultation about future perspectives with an agency this morning. Super happy. Next step is to find financial sponsor.
Need some resting today, will do the grocery shopping now and try to make oat wraps for lunch. Then long nap. No swim at all is a bit hard for me, so maybe just a little 
Stay strong 
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Day 
Be-a-utiful Day Today! 
To be is to do.
To do is to be?
Do be do be doo 
Day 5
Sugar detox. 2/3 allowed slips used. Ate more of those Italian Ice-Cream and some Protein curd and pudding after leg workout yesterday 
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Day 958,
The weekend starts here. First weekend Iām not allowed to go home. So itās going to be a long weekend, without any program. Iām crying now that gives some relieve, all those feelings are overwhelming me once more. Donāt feel like receiving some visitors, wouldnāt know who to ask. Just send a message to a friend about were I am, no respons back yet. Monday evening comes a fellow for a visit. Reluctant to call my parents or brother. Mainly due to the family history. My life has been a messed up one. That I achieved the things I achieved is a miracle, but look at were Iām now. Iām gonna give it some time here, but hopefully not any longer than about six weeks.
Grateful for TS and itās people so I can vent and feel heard.
Greetz and much love, Rob
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I really appreciate this reply. Sometimes i come on here with the intent of just getting it off my chest and i appreciate you showing me the good that does sometimes come from my brain. Thank you so much!
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Days PMO free: Day 2
Streak with at Least 7 hours sleep attempted: 1
Days with PS5 in the closet to close the day: 10
Days went to bed the same time with my wife: 10
Days i dont take my phone into that room at night: 2
Yesterday was a dopamine detox day and i really loved it. I got home, put the phone in my drawer, forget messages/phone calls. If someone wants me, they can reach out through my wife. With no need to distract myself, i poured my energy into my family. I got home, asked them what they wanted to do, they wanted Ice cream. Done. Then we went to the park and let played with him. Great. Then we got home and played outside, fed the garden, and played with the kids. Zero Screen time/Zero isolation/Zero Selfish pursuits. My wife even asked me, āhey you been up here with me and running with the boys and havenāt had any you time, why dont you play your game and chill.ā Even sheās used to me doing this, i said no iām good. For someone whoās been so selfish for so long(me) it was very freeing to just focus on others. Zero screentime other than setting my sleep music before bed. I ran with my kids all evening and sat next to my wife as she scrolled āherā social media. For me, this was a preview of what itās like to be selfless and iāve decided i want this life everyday. Easier said than done but being āpresentā was very freeing.
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening all!
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Hey all, checking in on day 1146. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Love your puffin picture. Family is from NFLD and they are some of my fav creatures.
I can relate to not wanting the attention/to celebrate, and I am not sure exactly where this comes from. I could say its just that Im an introvert and I dont like attentipn being entirely on me. It makes me uncomfortable. But I do think theres more to it then that; some disappointment perhaps in occasions and things meant to be celebrated but not, and criticism. A fear of that maybe, im not sure.
Anyway, didnt mean to make that about me but i just relate to not wantinf make a big deal about things I do and downplaying.
I hope you find a way to velebrate ypurself and be proud. July 24th is my daughters bday so (my son just sent that without me finishing itā¦with his foot 
a special day indeed. You deserve to be celebrated and to celebrate yourself. In the very least, you shaaring your story gives us all hope thank you so much xo
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Hi Mno, nice pic. Iām in Amsterdam too!
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Day 40. Iām a little low today, mostly because Iām missing my ex, I thought about reaching out to him, but I know thatās a bad idea and would hurt him. But overall, Iām glad to be sober.
Have a Good Friday everyone 
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Hellp all,
I have been feeling pretty good on this leg of the journey. Yesterday I had my first āthoughtā, and I found it super unnerving. It is so casual, like I could just have one or a few. I played it put quickly in my mind - sure, likely just be a few. Sure, likely nothing bad would happen. SURE. But, I have a long term goal here, I feel like complete garbage when I do drink and the emotionally loaded times are not always that predictable.
I asked myself: where did this tjpught come from? Went over that a bit, and some of the triggers that are in place. I kept it super simple after going over that and told myself, not today. Tuese thpughts are going to come, and they are really - all things considered how cravings can get - not that bad to push theough, it is the casual nature of them that I feel in some ways make them a bit tricky in their own way. My cravings are rarely like I NEED ONE, and more calm, casual, insideous and sneaky. I woke up this morning after a using dream thinking I had actually drank, and the feeling in mh stomach was heavy, nervous. I am so glad I didnt, and it wasnt even that this thought lasted all night and I went to sleep reading my book.
I told my husband how helpful it has been not having alcohol around, and how I had that fleeting thought last night. Going to see my mom to pick up my nephew, and I have had her put her thinfgs in her wine fridge that has a little lock on it. Seems a bit extra but I dont care. Want this bad, and Im here for it.
Have to remember these thoughts are normal, they wont last forever as I do the work around my triggers and on myself. I am not a failure, I am just human witj a lot of trauma/emotional triggers and one shit of a lot on my plate. I realize too thaf I dont want to feel resentful towards anypne in my family that rhey are not able to do what I am doing for my nephew, or that I have been made the captain of this mission. I dont want to feel sorry for myself either, that I am the one who has to do all of this and that I dont have a family who could work together or who could share more in what has to be done. I have this skill set, I have this ability, I have the family that I have and they are able to do what they are able to do. None of that matters. All those thpughts are just a sure ride to unhappiness, and they take away feom me actually being proud of whaf I am doing/have done, appreciating what I am able to do for my nephew and sister. My sister and nephew deserve what I have to give, and THAT is what matters. Gotta quit the internal bitching, and be grateful for all I have, including the fight in me that wont settle for less her boy. Xo.
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Hey, thank you so much for caring and asking. The appointment went well, we have started a psychological assessment.
I still have symptoms off and on, and its really hard when they are on I have a lit off pain, get scared and hold it togheter for my kids.
A especially out on trips.
I have asked for appoinment at my doctor, so hope on monday
How are you doing?
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