Day 454, I recall how last years heatwaves were such a trigger, not resting well made me struggle.
Next one coming soon, I should find ways to relax better this time.
Maybe staying more active here as in posting and not just reading.
Have a good weekend everyone!
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I had/still have that all or nothing thinking. I think alot of addicts do. Just be kind to yourself and take baby steps.
Just got back from the dogpark with my mom. Boscoe loved all the smells. Soon gonna stop vaping. Its my last major addiction to kick. Im scared but mentally preparing
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Day 0 off THC. Slipped up early this morning
I handled it perfect but I donāt trust it. I trust my CBD gummies though
Iām not too sure how long without alcoholā¦ I think anoud 2 months 2 weeks alcohol free
Things are going very well
Me and the wife both got some new tats so thatās exciting
Iām just going with the flow
That is key
Going with the flow. Not fighting it
Iām here for another 4 hours about
Just doing my job till I get home
Wayyyy less coffee. I just had 1 cup this morning and my anxiety is wayyy better
A addict is a addict huh
If itās not alcohol itās weed
If not weed the vape and coffee
I love CBD
It completely chills me out without the buzz of THC
I was thinking about smoking weed again
I had a slip but something tells me if I keep doing it, sooner or later itāll bite me in the ass. Thatās what it always does.
Too much of everything
Addicts mind
Balance and health is the focus
So day 0 no weed
Iām here
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I drink my non alcoholic beverages from a wine glass. It definitely helps in some strange way!!
While I have no desire to drink alcohol, the wine glass seems to be āthe habitā now 
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Thought Iād check in because Iām getting restless and the physical effects are kicking in. Aside from the chills and dry heaving, Iām also retaining water. My feet are too big for my shoes, and I can only breathe sitting up. Makes it hard to sleep. Thought about going to the ER and having it drained.
Iāll write more later; Iām going to attempt a nap.
Edit: looks like Iāll have to go to the hospital. But I missed the last bus and my insurance doesnāt cover ambulance. 
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2nd check in today
Day 510
These using thoughts are annoying. Its like a little black cloud that just hangs out over my head. Im fully aware of whats going on thankfully and wont succumb to the urges. But Ive realized that i need to find my passion for sobriety again. Right now im just going thru the motions of recovery. The daily grind of waking up, working or doing my daily tasks, and then ending my night clean and sober on my head. And even though some days staying clean and sober is enoughā¦ its lately, for the most part not enough for me. I dont JUST want to be clean and sober. I want to have a fulfilling life where i truly feel free! And i dont feel 100% free yet. I spent 22 years in addiction being trapped in drugs, abuse and sex work. And dont get me wrongā¦ i am soo grateful for being clean today and out of the trade, but i want more out of where im at today at 510 days clean. I think this is a bit of a realization for me. Im so damn hard on myself yet when i look back to where i used to be, i am damn proud to even be here today. I HAVE to give myself some grace. I gotta start smiling and enjoying life! Moving forward, things are gonna change. They have to. Im NOT risking relapse and Im NOT throwing away all my hard work for what? Misery? Despair? Hopelessness? Not a chance. So now its time to put this all to action.
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Right on!!
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Thank you so much! And congratulations on your hard work as well!
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I hear you @Butterflymoonwoman.
We have about the same amount of sober days and I am in a funk too. Today I realized that
- it is time for me to get back into therapy
- I need to make amends to one particular person
- I need an in person sober support system.
Maybe itās the 500ish day itch. Please know you arenāt alone. Keep fighting.
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32 days AF. Not much to report but wanted to say hi 
keeping busy with recovery activities. Been struggling with low energy again so Iām trying to take it easier this weekend. Keep going all 
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@Butterflymoonwoman youāre an inspiration to all; hang in there!
Well Iām in the ER now and canāt really type with all this stuff connected to me. Iāll check in for real when I get home. 
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Im rooting for u too! Those are some real huge realizations friend. Thank u for ur support. We can get thru this funk and come out of it stronger than before 
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Thanks Mark! I appreciate you! I hope ur alright. Praying for healing for you! Please let us know how u are
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I hear this big time. Trying to cut down on the smokes, and will tackle that one next but for nowā¦one tjing at a time. Thanks for this share.
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Iām right there with you about the smokes! Only tackle one voice at a time lol.
Hey, I just noticed we have the same quit date haha. Absolute best of luck to you!
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@mira_d Have a safe and fun vacation. Will be lovely to be around family. Sending you strength and do know we are just a click away.
@kareness hope you had a laid back day and regained some of your energy.
@anon53116147 SWEETNESS AMPLIFIED on feeling good and socializing.
I love all of it and sending strength to keep up with all the amazing work you are doing on yourself.
@juli1 Much love my friend ā I do hope that you were able to work through the destructive thoughts. I do hope that you are working on your positive meditation and positive affirmations. Fingers crossed that you get to go and swim in a clean not so crowded pool tomorrow morning. Much love my beautiful friend ā you are so lovely and caring and I wish I could take your thinking of self-hate away.
@jennyh I am so sorry that everything is so overwhelming and to the point where you are not able to find some alone time. I do know that drinking and then being āoffā and dealing with a hangover along with guilt / shame will not help reduce any of what is going on. The burnt out feeling is exactly when we start leaning towards our DOC for false support. I am sending you strength to sort through all your tasks and find a healthy way to take some time for you. You are important and canāt keep running on empty ā find a way to recharge.
@teresa.13 knowing and getting ahead of your triggers is a great tool to have ā being prepared and having a plan in place is key. Seems like you are already working on all of this so just wanted to say great job in protecting your sobriety!
Impressive to have successfully completed day 12 with a long day off ā usually having more time on my hands so early on in sobriety was a danger zone. I am super proud and you should be too.
@noshame well done on your sober time ā it is still early in your sobriety so be gentle with yourself on the weed / vape ā keep doing what you are doing and soon enough you will be addiction free! Matching tats? That is super coolāwhat did you get?
@dryln785 My goodness love ā were you able to get to the hospital? Taking a uber or cab? Can you call a friend to drive you? I do hope you are doing better.
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AMEN ā I do think you are super hard on yourself and hopefully will start to give yourself some grace. You have come so far in these short 510 days. I know that life can become a bit mundane at times ā spice it up. Try to do something once a week or once a month if weekly is to much that you can look forward to ā could be just for you or the whole fam. Life is not all about recovery. Life is about living. Itās weird that 510 days seems so long and yet so little time ā you are still healing my friend. Take time to appreciate what you have gone through and where you are now. I am so sorry that these annoying thoughts are infesting your thinking. I do hope they go away. Sending you loads of love and strength ā I know you can push forward and āput this all to actionā.
@trustybird sorry that you are also facing a funk. Well done on setting a plan forward on how to deal with your 500ish day itch. Much strength your way friend ā yes to KEEP FIGHTING
@DryIn785 grateful you found your way to the ER - sending healing vibes
Checking in on Saturday evening
614 days cigarette free
199 days weed and alcohol free 
Itās been a very lovely day - i can feel myself re-training my mind. I did utilize all my time today not just for work but also for selfcare. I made a healthy dinner and was able to take enough over to my parents so that they did not have to cook tonight (felt good to do so). I am tired but not exhausted - also a great feeling. I will aim to hit the bed early againā¦ sweet dreams my sober friends - sending much love
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So grateful for u friend! Ur absolutely right. 510 days feels long but in all reality it is still quite early in my recovery and lots of healing is still going on. I might take some time to find something to look forward to. Either by myself or with the family.
Youre day sounds like such a beautiful one! So glad that u were able to get in some self care and spend some time with ur parents. What do you do for self care if you dont mind me asking? Just looking for self care inspiration And What a nice gesture to send them supper Grateful we are on this journey together 
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