1067 days no alcohol.
532 days no cocaine.
47 days no vape.
30 days no patches, already!
(Still using other NRT products, but, progress).
Was awake early, in time to complete my morning routine and get to my appointment on time. Had my shot.
Iāve been feeling very depressed and very anxious today. Meditations havenāt had their usual calming effect.
Something made me take a look at the civil service jobs website, and the place where I worked at for 11 years is currently recruiting for my old job, so Iām going to apply, but Iām going to go apply for part-time hours, so I can see how I cope, I can always apply to extend my hours to full-time at a later date. I cant see me doing well at interview, but thereās no harm in trying.
I started a new book yesterday, and it feels good to be reading again. I donāt know what makes me leave it so long between doing so. I never seem to be able to hold onto the things that make me feel good.
Iāve decided to take a break from posting my binge-eating counter, to see if it motivates me to build up more consecutive days. If it turns out it gives me permission to binge more, then Iāll start posting it again. Trying something different.
I have been doing early nights and leaving them with wine. Itās too early on for me to feel comfortable. I didnāt realise how regular everyone just drinks!
Hi,
Great that youāre thinking about going back to your previous job, thatās a huge step forward. Youāre really focused and are doing so well with sticking to your routines, walks and meditations. And also by pushing yourself to do things out of your comfort zone, it all helps you get to where you want to be. Proud to see you doing so well
@Mira_D Bit late to reply, but I made a daily schedule, starting with sobriety activities in the morning (doesnāt have to be AA, a podcast, a chapter from a quit lit book), and the things I needed to do, and what I would watch during rest time, etc.
I kept my mouth and hands busy at all times. If I felt the urge I ate a mint, or sniffed a relaxing essential oil blend. I treated myself monthly with the money I would have spent on alcohol.
I hear ya Sophia.
I been struggling a lot with my wife and her drinking problems. Itās amazing how many people are affected by anotherās drinking or drugging or whatever DOC.
In between work, kids, family, life, keeping sober and checking in here if you got any free time I started a thread over here if you ever want to check it out. I cannot remember if you were here when I started it.
Checking in Day 515
I love everyone here! I really do! Im grateful for the support of others. Wether its showing guidance or giving suggestions or just relating, it helps so much knowing that Im not alone. Today i felt alone in my head and i just starting reading everyones comments and i instantly felt connected and loved.
I did have some using thoughts again today but pushed thru them. When hubby came home i just asked for a loooong hug bcuz i needed it. He doesnt know ive been having these thoughts and idk if its even worth mentioning it since this is something i have to work thru. But once my boy is in bed i will have a nice long hot shower and maybe have a healthy snack before bed. Get a good rest.
I finished my cake today too. So thats a huge relief that its done. Pickup is tomorrow. Going to spend time cleaning up the apartment tmrw, do my prayer and possibly a meditation. And lots of self care huge hugs to everyone on here!!! Thank you all for being on this journey with me
I promise myself to give my best to make the best of today!
I can feel and appreciate my progress, but I feel like I can do betterā¦ I feel like Iām missing clear goals, which is hindering my initiative. What does that mean for today? Cooking something Iāve wanted to cook for a while; jogging and working out; contacting several people for different things; and securing the next uni term in psychology.
Why am I still studying psychology when my gut instinct tells me I should join the police? Why am I still living where I am when my gut instinct is telling me I want to move elsewhere? Because gut instincts are confusing and not always right. For example, Iām single, and never been in a relationship. PTSD held me back from this basic and wonderful experience when I was younger, in a time when I was focussed on how to cope with the psychological scarring domestic abuse was causing me. Times have changed though and Iāve come a long wayā¦ And coming back to the gut instinct thing: I know Iām ready and want to be in a relationship meanwhile, and there are several lovely girls who like me and I could pursue something with, but Iām fixated on this one girl out of āgut instinctā, who hasnāt shown as much interest, at least thatās how Iām perceiving it, I might be wrong as sheās the more introverted type But āknowingā and āwantingā are so blurredā¦ And itās dismissing all these options while Iām wondering why Iām still aloneā¦ My gut instinct is to stay here and give it a chance, clearly contradicting my urge to move onā¦
Anyways, welcome to my thoughts if you read this far, rather superficial when compared to when I was still a hopeless addict. At least Iām a hopeful one now Iām 25 now, and whatās different is that up until maybe 1-2 years ago, my life was overwhelmingly negative with a few sparks of postivity keeping me afloat. Whereas now I genuinely feel mostly positive with only occasional negative hickupsā¦ And Iām conscious as ever, hence why Iām here, saw a psychologist, started studying psychology, meditate, socialize, date and debate my toxic thoughts with persistent mindfulness, whether on notes or in my mindā¦ Whatās an addicted, subconscious life worth?
Sending you love and strength if you need it whoever you are my friend Life is a journey, which we will soon enough find was the destination all alongā¦ Hope you have a nice day or night
Went to an AA meeting. Met a nice woman (around my age) who stayed to talk to me and give me the heads up on other AA meetings. We also talked about the whole God thing, and weāre in the same boat with our belief systems being based more around The Universe or whatever you want to call it.
I actually got a good nightās sleep. It was a gorgeous day here from the minute I stepped out the door this morning to let the dogs out. I ate a bunch of healthy food. Probably too much, but I went for a walk to negate a little bit of that.
Iām doing a 16 hour fast, so Iāll eat my first meal tomorrow at 12:30. Iām not great at fasting, but I know the benefits, and I want to do more of it.
All right, one more episode and then time to get ready for bed.
Awful rain here in Cornwall. Iām at a works meeting all morning then back at home this pm. I mentioned to my partner i was finding it a bit tricky that everyone was drinking every night and she said ācouldnāt i have just one glass ?ā
#Day 1759
Our holiday is almost over. 1 week staying nearby Winterberg, Germany. Did many hikes.
My mood is good but I had cravings because I associate holiday with drinking like I used to do. Part of a holiday was buying alcohol Iāve never drank before so we could ātaste and testā it. When I walk trough the German supermarket I remember those holidays. It was fun untill it wasnāt.
I also remember the hangovers, the blackouts, the sex with my hubby I couldnāt remember afterwards
The shame and guilt in the morningā¦
My three day weekend is here -there is group therapy to attend today though. Still working my sobriety. ODAAT and all that. Tonight Iāll meet and eat with a group of high school buddies, some of whom I havenāt seen for 40 years. Iām actually looking forward to that, while in the past I only wanted to forget about that time, to forget about failing to complete that particular school, to forget me starting to smoke weed and hash there all day, every day, to forget about the miserable time at home.
I donāt want to forget my past any longer. Itās all part of me and what I am, the good, the bad and the ugly. Accepting and incorporating that knowledge into my life is slow, tedious and at times hard work but Iām getting there. Progress. My journey. Itās work but itās a work of love.
I got the panoramic school photo from March 1982 somewhere rolled up here. I found this picture of the taking of the picture just now on the web. See me? X
@Minatasha Good to see you back here friend, as well as back on the sober Letās do this!
Iām going to check that Thread out with todayās morning coffee. The kids are on summer holiday, and Iām off work until August 14. Usually we only have 4 or 5 weeks but since Iām starting a new job Iāve got almost 6 weeks this year. And Iām already granted to stay at home with my boys during the school breaks and for next summer.
The good thing with living in a small farmers village and have close contact with your boss.
Iām sorry you struggle too, I dont know how people do it! Good luck with attending the AA meeting 
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and for getting a move-in date for mhab 
Iām sorry to hear of the slide back into drinking, but glad to have decided enough is enough.
I started a thread over here if you ever want to check it out. I cannot remember if you were here when I started it.
huge hugs to everyone on here!!! Thank you all for being on this journey with me 
But āknowingā and āwantingā are so blurredā¦ And itās dismissing all these options while Iām wondering why Iām still aloneā¦ My gut instinct is to stay here and give it a chance, clearly contradicting my urge to move onā¦
Iām 25 now, and whatās different is that up until maybe 1-2 years ago, my life was overwhelmingly negative with a few sparks of postivity keeping me afloat. Whereas now I genuinely feel mostly positive with only occasional negative hickupsā¦ And Iām conscious as ever, hence why Iām here, saw a psychologist, started studying psychology, meditate, socialize, date and debate my toxic thoughts with persistent mindfulness, whether on notes or in my mindā¦ Whatās an addicted, subconscious life worth?
Better!
Letās do this!
The kids are on summer holiday, and Iām off work until August 14. Usually we only have 4 or 5 weeks but since Iām starting a new job Iāve got almost 6 weeks this year. And Iām already granted to stay at home with my boys during the school breaks and for next summer.