Yes, i can imagine that’s pretty hard. 6 days is a long time for visitors to stay, I’d be ready for my space back. Can you find ‘really important’ stuff to do that ‘can’t wait?’ I think I’d be ‘popping out for a minute, I won’t be long’. And enjoying early nights without seeming too rude. Count down the days 
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I had my first appointment with a new psychiatrist this morning and I feel that it went really well. I had a good feeling from him and he made me feel at ease. He’s agreed to reduce my medication by a little bit as I told him that the dose was making me over sedated. He pointed out that I had responded well with the meds and that I had recovered fully in the past from similar episodes so there is no diagnosis as such.
I was telling him about my paying attention to my diet namely with lots of home produced fermented foods and going Leto and he fully supported that. He also fully supported the cold showers I’ve been taking and the somatic breathing meditation that I’ve been doing.
I see my GP tomorrow and my psychiatric nurse next week so I feel very well cared for at the moment.
In terms of my feelings towards alcohol, I feel I’ve turned a bit of a corner. I’m feeling a sense of freedom from addiction and that it’s my choice to be sober. I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything at the moment. The closest I got to feeling awkward about alcohol recently was at a garden party for a couple of my daughter’s friends. I had taken along a couple of alcohol free beverages of my own but many of the other adults were topping up their white wine spritzer’s throughout the afternoon. I ended up filling my empty can with tap water just to have something to sip on.
ODAAT
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@GenG thank you 
I’m sorry you struggle too, I dont know how people do it! Good luck with attending the AA meeting 
🩵
@JazzyS thank you 🩵
@anon53116147 congrats on 50 days 
and for getting a move-in date for mhab
@mewmcmew I hear you 🩵 I hope the massage helps
1067 days no alcohol.
532 days no cocaine.
47 days no vape.
30 days no patches, already!
(Still using other NRT products, but, progress).
Was awake early, in time to complete my morning routine and get to my appointment on time. Had my shot.
I’ve been feeling very depressed and very anxious today. Meditations haven’t had their usual calming effect.
Something made me take a look at the civil service jobs website, and the place where I worked at for 11 years is currently recruiting for my old job, so I’m going to apply, but I’m going to go apply for part-time hours, so I can see how I cope, I can always apply to extend my hours to full-time at a later date. I cant see me doing well at interview, but there’s no harm in trying.
I started a new book yesterday, and it feels good to be reading again. I don’t know what makes me leave it so long between doing so. I never seem to be able to hold onto the things that make me feel good.
I’ve decided to take a break from posting my binge-eating counter, to see if it motivates me to build up more consecutive days. If it turns out it gives me permission to binge more, then I’ll start posting it again. Trying something different.
🩵
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I have been doing early nights and leaving them with wine. It’s too early on for me to feel comfortable. I didn’t realise how regular everyone just drinks!
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Yes, they do, it’s totally ingrained into society. It can be hard to buck the trend but you’re doing great
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Hi,
Great that you’re thinking about going back to your previous job, that’s a huge step forward. You’re really focused and are doing so well with sticking to your routines, walks and meditations. And also by pushing yourself to do things out of your comfort zone, it all helps you get to where you want to be. Proud to see you doing so well
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Day 5
Its been a while since i posted here. Its been a weird few months. People dont know i started drinking again still.
I last drank Saturday. It was an entire day. Sunday I actively made the decision to not get more so thats my day 1.
I cleaned yesterday and forced myself to do the laundry. 15 minutes today would make a massive difference in my room, i am sure of it.
I need to make a phone call. I need to deal with some shit. Ugh.
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@Mira_D Bit late to reply, but I made a daily schedule, starting with sobriety activities in the morning (doesn’t have to be AA, a podcast, a chapter from a quit lit book), and the things I needed to do, and what I would watch during rest time, etc.
I kept my mouth and hands busy at all times. If I felt the urge I ate a mint, or sniffed a relaxing essential oil blend. I treated myself monthly with the money I would have spent on alcohol.
@PrisVanAdis Well done! 
@MrsOdh Welcome back 
I’m sorry to hear of the slide back into drinking, but glad to have decided enough is enough.
@BrokenWolf Whoo, some action shots there.
@JennyH Mine are 10 and 14. I can relate. 
@Minatasha Sending strength Can you ‘adult’ little by little?
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Checking in sober. Wanted to buy alcohol but got ice cream instead. The depression is still very heavy. OFDAAT
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I hear ya Sophia.
I been struggling a lot with my wife and her drinking problems. It’s amazing how many people are affected by another’s drinking or drugging or whatever DOC.
In between work, kids, family, life, keeping sober and checking in here if you got any free time 
I started a thread over here if you ever want to check it out. I cannot remember if you were here when I started it.
Join in if you’re willing.
Glad you here.
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Welcome back Minatasha.
Great to see you.
Congrats on day 5.
Glad you’re back too.
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Dana…a simple truth. I hope you are having a better day today.
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Checking in
Day 515
I love everyone here! I really do! Im grateful for the support of others. Wether its showing guidance or giving suggestions or just relating, it helps so much knowing that Im not alone. Today i felt alone in my head and i just starting reading everyones comments and i instantly felt connected and loved.
I did have some using thoughts again today but pushed thru them. When hubby came home i just asked for a loooong hug bcuz i needed it. He doesnt know ive been having these thoughts and idk if its even worth mentioning it since this is something i have to work thru. But once my boy is in bed i will have a nice long hot shower and maybe have a healthy snack before bed. Get a good rest.
I finished my cake today too. So thats a huge relief that its done. Pickup is tomorrow. Going to spend time cleaning up the apartment tmrw, do my prayer and possibly a meditation. And lots of self care 
huge hugs to everyone on here!!! Thank you all for being on this journey with me
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Just checking in today to maintain focus.
I promise myself to give my best to make the best of today!
I can feel and appreciate my progress, but I feel like I can do better… I feel like I’m missing clear goals, which is hindering my initiative. What does that mean for today? Cooking something I’ve wanted to cook for a while; jogging and working out; contacting several people for different things; and securing the next uni term in psychology.
Why am I still studying psychology when my gut instinct tells me I should join the police? Why am I still living where I am when my gut instinct is telling me I want to move elsewhere? Because gut instincts are confusing and not always right. For example, I’m single, and never been in a relationship. PTSD held me back from this basic and wonderful experience when I was younger, in a time when I was focussed on how to cope with the psychological scarring domestic abuse was causing me. Times have changed though and I’ve come a long way… And coming back to the gut instinct thing: I know I’m ready and want to be in a relationship meanwhile, and there are several lovely girls who like me and I could pursue something with, but I’m fixated on this one girl out of ‘gut instinct’, who hasn’t shown as much interest, at least that’s how I’m perceiving it, I might be wrong as she’s the more introverted type 
But ‘knowing’ and ‘wanting’ are so blurred… And it’s dismissing all these options while I’m wondering why I’m still alone… My gut instinct is to stay here and give it a chance, clearly contradicting my urge to move on…
Anyways, welcome to my thoughts if you read this far, rather superficial when compared to when I was still a hopeless addict. At least I’m a hopeful one now 
I’m 25 now, and what’s different is that up until maybe 1-2 years ago, my life was overwhelmingly negative with a few sparks of postivity keeping me afloat. Whereas now I genuinely feel mostly positive with only occasional negative hickups… And I’m conscious as ever, hence why I’m here, saw a psychologist, started studying psychology, meditate, socialize, date and debate my toxic thoughts with persistent mindfulness, whether on notes or in my mind… What’s an addicted, subconscious life worth?
Sending you love and strength if you need it whoever you are my friend 
Life is a journey, which we will soon enough find was the destination all along… Hope you have a nice day or night 
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Checking in. Day 279
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Day 12
Went to an AA meeting. Met a nice woman (around my age) who stayed to talk to me and give me the heads up on other AA meetings. We also talked about the whole God thing, and we’re in the same boat with our belief systems being based more around The Universe or whatever you want to call it. 
I actually got a good night’s sleep. It was a gorgeous day here from the minute I stepped out the door this morning to let the dogs out. I ate a bunch of healthy food. Probably too much, but I went for a walk to negate a little bit of that.
I’m doing a 16 hour fast, so I’ll eat my first meal tomorrow at 12:30. I’m not great at fasting, but I know the benefits, and I want to do more of it.
All right, one more episode and then time to get ready for bed.
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Day 20
Awful rain here in Cornwall. I’m at a works meeting all morning then back at home this pm. I mentioned to my partner i was finding it a bit tricky that everyone was drinking every night and she said ‘couldn’t i have just one glass ?’
I said probably not a good idea
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Day 95 checking in sober last day of work then off the weekend hope everyone is well
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#Day 1759 
Our holiday is almost over. 1 week staying nearby Winterberg, Germany. Did many hikes.
My mood is good but I had cravings because I associate holiday with drinking like I used to do. Part of a holiday was buying alcohol I’ve never drank before so we could “taste and test” it. When I walk trough the German supermarket I remember those holidays. It was fun untill it wasn’t.
I also remember the hangovers, the blackouts, the sex with my hubby I couldn’t remember afterwards 
The shame and guilt in the morning…
So another sober holiday for the books 
Better!
Tomorrow we are going home again.
Looking forward to my own bed
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1497
Have as good a day as you can my friends. Sober and clean. Love.
My three day weekend is here -there is group therapy to attend today though. Still working my sobriety. ODAAT and all that. Tonight I’ll meet and eat with a group of high school buddies, some of whom I haven’t seen for 40 years. I’m actually looking forward to that, while in the past I only wanted to forget about that time, to forget about failing to complete that particular school, to forget me starting to smoke weed and hash there all day, every day, to forget about the miserable time at home.
I don’t want to forget my past any longer. It’s all part of me and what I am, the good, the bad and the ugly. Accepting and incorporating that knowledge into my life is slow, tedious and at times hard work but I’m getting there. Progress. My journey. It’s work but it’s a work of love.
I got the panoramic school photo from March 1982 somewhere rolled up here. I found this picture of the taking of the picture just now on the web. See me? X
@Minatasha Good to see you back here friend, as well as back on the sober 
Let’s do this!
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