So grateful that you did take the time to write out what you were feeling and let us help you sort through it - don’t ever apologize for feeing your feelings This is exactly when we need each other the most. Even though we know all the tools and have given the same advise sometimes when we get in the funk our brains shut off and we forget our own tools - that’s when we help each other in remembering them.
as always -we are stronger together and grateful to have you on this journey with me. I’ve been looking forward to your 100 day challenge completion – less than a 1/4 of the way left – going to have a virtual party!!!
Depressing but thank you for speaking your truth! This is how it’s done, my friend!! Great example of flexing your sober muscles.
Guess what, regardless of what happens with the house, you are going to be absolutely okay. You will still have your sobriety, and all of the possibilities that offers us. You are so loved, dear friend.
I knowbit may sound stupid to thank you for posting this but thank you. I hope you are able to hold on to knowing yoh will get through this, life is certainly ups and downs and the downs…shit they can be hard. Im not sure I have anything helpful to say or add, but what I am trying to do right now is find out or sit with what is under the numb, negativity and pessimissim. The thought of having a drink (I am learning to look at that as a part of me that is trying to help, but I mean there are certainly other ways to see that part or thought!), what is that part trying to help me with? What is it asking for and what is it looking for?
I have found a bunch of stuff down there needing to be held and healed, of course we are in different places in our lives buf I could relate so much to knowing a ddink will not help anything but AT LEAST it would shut this feeling off for a moment. Truth is, it just ends up replacing it with other feelings (shame, guilt; feeling like crap the next day and during? Its usuallg the first 1 or 2 feel nice, then the rest are just about not feeling like shit), and part of me wonders too if part of why I drink even knowing that its no good is that AT LEAST it gives me something else to focus on as well…all my energy becomes focused around this, and I can continue to avoid the stuff that is hard for me to deal with (now again not sure tjis would relate to you at all, as I am avoiding some trauma so maybe this is just me), but sometimes i know we get into shit in life that can distract us from the other stuff we dont know how to touch or deal with.
Anyway, not saying any of this is you. But i appreciate your post all the same. Sobriety/non-drinking means you get to be a sober/non drinking person through your ups and downs, it doesnt mean the ups and dpwns wont be there or that you’ll feel good all the time. Damn it would be nice though! Wishing you courage, wishing you strength and wishing you kindness with yourself.
Day 5. Sleep was crap. Took nap. Still tired. Worrying about jobs and finances isn’t helping much. I really need to eat something, but I’m really anxious, so it’s hard.
Checking in sober. Anxiety has been awful all day. Trying to work in small increments so I actually get something done. I’ve cut way back on caffeine but may try to go without completely. My sleep is just so restless that I like my coffee in the morning to get going. The anxiety makes me feel paralyzed and useless. I try to be gentle with myself but still not very good at that. I’m just so tired of the constant struggle.
Checking in on day 755. Went for a hike and then fell asleep in the afternoon reading TS. My brain is all disconnected and weird lately. Feeling kinda anxious about random little stuff. Hopefully my head clears a bit. Will probably check in again later.
Wow, thank you for sharing your story. You have been through so much. It’s really inspiring to hear how you have learned to hold space for your grief in the different forms it’s been thrown at you in life, with your head held high.
Life is cruel, but we can face it clear headed, and lean on each other to get through it. Thanks again
Getting ready for work, heading into the city on day 464- made it to Friday
I have a long weekend booked off for school holidays. Looking forward to some relaxing and family time. Wholesome quality times, no hang overs, no guilt (well maybe a few good food over indulges but I’m learning to forgive myself for those and just enjoy the moments in life that aren’t hurting me too much).
My medication has worked absolute wonders for my depression, I’m starting to see a few weird side effects in my sleep, some really full on and realistic dreams, along with night sweats like waking up drenched in sweat. I’m hoping these subside over the months, as well as libido effects. But I will give these time. I don’t feel incredibly sad everyday, I’ve regained control over my emotions and I’m able to enjoy life again, and this is extremely positive so I will just keep on with the side effects for now.
I hope you all have a wonderful Friday. Stay strong
@EFountains congrats on 10 months @TheWolf congrats on 60 days @SoberMedic congrats on 40 days @TTStarz welcome congrats on double digits @Raven7 welcome congrats on 3 days @Binx sorry you’re struggling, sending strength 🩵 @Bomdhil congrats on double digits
1060 days no alcohol.
525 days no cocaine.
40 days no vape.
4 days no binge-eating.
So I failed at trying to socialise. I tried. Walked in to 20+ OAPs all chatting away loudly in so many different mini conversations, it was so loud I couldn’t hear myself think. I couldnt stay, I said to my support worker that I didn’t like it, it was too loud, and too many people, and that I wanted to go home. So I went outside while he let the facilitator know we were leaving. Then we spoke outside a bit more. He wants me to try the same thing at a different venue next week, but I don’t know how I feel about it, today has knocked me back quite a bit. I said to him that I will try to find an email address and reach out to the facilitator of this other venue’s group, to ask about the age-group and group size. There is another venue where the group is held in my hometown on Mondays, which is apparently a younger crowd, so I might think about that once therapy is over.
I did 2 online courses today, the first was hard to get through, so much talking and sharing and people interrupting each other which makes me cringe. I felt way over-atimulated afterwards, so I had to close my curtains and lay down in bed in the dark and silence for an hour.
This evening’s course was much easier to sit through, and went much faster.
Tomorrow I have a free day, so I think I’m going to look through the photo albums from my early childhood when my Mum was alive.
Checking in still clean. Living as a clean addict isn’t for the faint of heart thats for sure.
@Mno you give me strength on my hardest days, I want you to know that. Watching you push through all of that therapy, through all of those emotions, gives me hope.
This therapy I am doing is HARD
I keep having to remind myself that I deserve to live a full life free from suffering . Somedays it feels believable, somedays it feels completely unreachable.
So grateful I only have to live for today and that I have survived long enough to be given a chance at a life worth living.
Meeting up with some friends today to finally go bungy jumping again! & maybe somewhere nice after
The girl I really liked, who’s name & number I finally got recently, never got back to me Such is life. She seemed a little introverted and like she had things going on, like me haha, so ok… Shame, but time to move on unfortunately if that’s the way the wind flows…
So much youth crime at work lately, last night at the servo again trying to steal it’s sad how lost they are, a few more years and they’re headed for a rough adult future of crime, problems and prison-time… The younger ones I try to make them think about what they’re doing and where it’ll bring them, the older ones are the toxic ones I hate most for leading them.
Not sure how much longer I’ll be staying there since I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be studying psychology here either… I failed my last unit unfortunately as I didn’t invest enough time and procrastinated too much. Ironic as the lectures were all about procrastination, leadership, initiative, approach etc… I’m debating leaving psychology for the police or something environmentalist instead, but am not sure yet.
Anyways, better get ready for the bungy, hope you guys have a lovely day! We’ve got this & really appreciate all ur kind words @JazzyS
okay. You will still have your sobriety, and all of the possibilities that offers us. You are so loved, dear friend.
Such is life. She seemed a little introverted and like she had things going on, like me haha, so ok… Shame, but time to move on unfortunately if that’s the way the wind flows… 
