@mira_d I am so impressed with how you are handling all that life has given you – not glossing over anything but actually sorting through it and dealing with it. The more layers that you uncover the more impressed I become. I am so very sorry for all your loss. @geng Hope your day got better for you. Were you able to eat anything today? Giving up coffee too – this could explain the tiredness (your body is going through a detox – it won’t last long so hang in there) @icebear How’s it going now? Hopefully you were able to relax and work on your anxiety. We are here if you would like to talk it out @alycia glad that your meds are working for you – hopefully the side effects do subside soon for you (have you discussed this with your doctor?) @sabrina 1 more day till your 3-week holiday – I do hope that tomorrow is not so crazy. Glad that you spoke up to your boss – management does need to hear that the work load is excessive and they can’t just keep expecting the same work load to be done with fewer and fewer people. Hopefully with your comment today and you being off for 3 weeks will force them to hire more help. @catmancam That seems like an intense setting to put someone in who has stated that social events cause triggers. I’m sorry my friend. I do hope the next setting is more your speed. I would not give up just yet. Great idea to call the next venue ahead and get an idea of age group and size of crowd so you are better prepared. Sending you support my friend as you dive into old memories tomorrow. Remember – we are just a click away. @1in8billion bungee jumping sounds awesome and I hope you have a wonderful time! Sorry about your exam. You are still young and can do whatever you decide. I know a friend of mine decided he wanted to be a cop and went into the police academy at 33. He is grateful to have made that transition. You have to enjoy what you do as you will be doing it for majority of your day. Love that you are open to other possibilities – wishing you the best with figuring out your next step. @Butterflymoonwoman how are you Dana - is tonight your all night shift? Sending you energy and strength my friend.
Checking in on Thursday evening
197 days no weed or alcohol
612 days no cigarettes
I had another productive day for me. I am determined to keep moving and doing my best to not to think about my symptoms (i find that i can block em out for a few minutes at a time - this is huge and i will take all the grace i can get) No urges today - i am blessed to have a great support system!
Wishing everyone a wonderful evening - let welcome a in a kick ass Friday!
Sending much love
My day was all right. I’m sure you’re correct about caffeine withdrawals. I was able to eat a bit more today, so that’s good. I have a doctor’s appointment set for tomorrow just to touch base with my GP. Thanks as always for caring, Jazzy
The end of Day 4 - Disordered eating
The end of Day 1393 - Alcohol
Can’t decided if I’m pitiful or disgusting. Maybe I’m both. How I let myself get to the physical and mental state I’m in… It’s pathetic. Time to stop pretending like I’m ok when I’m sure as shit am not. An absolute stranger looked me in the eyes tonight and asked me (in a kind and concerned way) ARE YOU OK? I told her no, but I’m a work in progress. Getting honest with myself about the ego I hide behind and depending more on my good works than my higher power to get me through is long overdue. I need to just go to sleep to get out of this self pity. I don’t deserve anything I have and I need to stop abusing my body. I’m crazy. Or I’m an addict. Or I’m both. Maybe in the morning I’ll be able to see light. Right now I feel pretty dark.
Wow, you failed? What? I mean coming last into such a scenario sounds like an advanced session and not a beginner course for socialising. At least for me. I would have failed by these standards big time as well. And would hopefully don’t beat myself up over it. Maybe another setup suits you better.
It’s great you tried it. Baby steps
I slept like sh*t. Too much going on in my mind and body after a day that wasn’t easy. The training at work -how to deal with patients with personality disorders- was triggering and confrontational. I think I did a pretty good job by sharing some of what I felt, and giving feedback on the theory and the role plays that were done. But I felt some of the same old anxiety that was all I felt for decades, knotted up inside me like a big rough ball. Also noticing how exhausting feeling like that is.
While I don’t feel like it at all, it’s good I’m going to therapy this morning. Gives me some purpose. And a place to work through some of what I’m feeling I hope. Other than writing about it here which also helps. One day at a time. Sun’s up. It’s going to be a beautiful day. Luna is with me. You’re with me too. We’re in this together. X
@Its_me_Stella Thanks friend. Reading that gives me some strength too. @CATMANCAM I’m with Franzi. That’s a huge task, to socialize in an environment like that. Too much for me too. Congrats on giving it a try and don’t give up. @crystalclear You’re here. You’re working your stuff. That’s all we can do. Good days and not so good ones. With respect I feel we’re all crazy addicts here and that’s why we’re here. I am. Love. @icebear Sounds to me you need the rest Drew. Hope you’re good. @KarenKW Keep going Karen. The struggle will get less just as long as we keep working on it, just as long as we, paradoxically, keep struggling. It’s worth it. Hugs. @GenG You’re doing it Genevieve. You’re doing great. X
Day 41…
Absolutely exhausted today, didn’t make the gym for the past few days as I’ve been inundated with waves of nausea, due to what the doc suspects is a kidney stone.
Made me more grateful that I made the choice to stop the alcohol but man I wish this thing would go away!
I’ve been thinking more and more about my new life and mindset - I stopped alcohol and started the gym, I have dumped just about EVERY person from my life as they were bringing me down and when I stopped drinking, I realised what a bunch of miserable, negative people I had around me.
Next on the chopping block - my job.
I reckon the stress has brought on the kidney stone and my job is the only thing weighing me down now.
If you read this far - thanks for “listening”. I needed that wee vent
@SoberMedic Sorry to hear about the kidney stone. Hang in there friend.
Sounds like you are making some major changes in your life and you are on your way of making a few more. Sometimes, early sobriety can make us do some crazy things, we may later regret. Go slow, my friend. Life is so short, and yet it is so long.
Checking in on Day 3, feeling really positive still. Enjoyed the gym last night and then a healthy dinner while watching an old Jonathan Creek (trying to find home comforts). I am so excited today as my daughter is back from her week away with the school. Taken complete advantage of having a bit more freedom by spending the evenings in the gym, but have missed her so much.
@SoberMedic well done on all the changes you are making. I am trying similar but on a smaller scale. Big focus on health as I have gallstones, need to be fit and strong for the upcoming surgery. Take it easy with kidney stones, I have heard they are very painful.
@CATMANCAM agree with the others, that was a big ask and most people would really struggle. I have started a trend at work for the post-meeting lunch to be had back in the meeting room rather than standing around outside around the food. A small adjustment, but makes it easier to cope when seated at your own place. The introverts are slowly assembling
Today I was approved for an online outpatient program With daily check-in, a counselor, a life coach, a bluetooth breathalyzer which ensures accountability and it even pays rewards for participating SUPER EXCITED The app is called Affect it actually led me here to sober time and TS
No urges today - i am blessed to have a great support system!
up early (5.40am)
for participating SUPER EXCITED 