Day 4, headed a walk now, will make a nice breakfast when I’m back then a few chores to do. Weather’s to be nice all day so heading out a cycle and then a bath with my book and a nice dinner when I’m done.
No chaos, no dragging today into the small hours of tomorrow with a drink - living for the day and making sure I can enjoy the next one
I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 10.
We had a Yes-day yesterday.
A little hard on money so I thought we was going to have to do it again with a bigger budget.
We also had my brother and his family with small kids with us, so I thought my boys would think it wasn’t to much fun.
It ended up being the opposite.
For a Yes-day the parents can’t say NO to anything within 24 hours.
There’s a few rules though.
You can’t buy anything for the future (like en expensive trip abroad, new TV and things like that)
Everything has to be planned beforehand so there’s a schedule.
Everyone has to agree about everything they want to do. Because everyone participates in alla activities.
No social media allowed
And there’s a max budget for the day, everything you want to do needs to be within the budget.
The kids (Our boys and my brother’s kids)
Came up with a great plan.
First breakfast at McDonald’s (first time for us, won’t happen again)
Then off to a huge Asian store with food and home decorations.
Asian tasting challenge, we tried Seaweed snacks (I panicked and spit mine out, it tasted like Swedish caviar which I can’t eat to save my life, nr 2 on the list of things I’ll never eat again 
)
Big toystore at an even bigger shopping mall we haven’t visited before.
Glutenfree Fika challenge at my brothers house.
Everyone had to eat gluten free fika.
Fika, playing around.
McDonald’s again in the way home.
And then buying some in game related items, and having and online Gaming night (My brothers kids was already asleep here, mine gave up at midnight)
When I asked the kids what was best with their Yes day,they said that seeing their small cousins joy, while spending time with them was the best of it all.
It was s wonderful day.
We’re going to meet up again for next week to plan a Minu getaway together.
Good morning! 
Drinking some Yerba Mate and listening music that always lifts me up 
Got this new smartphone with thermal cam. Pretty useful for a Yerba Mate and Tea lover like me. Also can help to detect electrical shorts / pipe leaks / check body temperature in seconds or to find a hiding cat 
I love practical upgrades 
Yeah small things but makes me happy 
Congratulations on 7 months! 
1504
Had a very nice first day of my mini vacation yesterday. Talked about my dad at length in my therapy session, first time ever I did that. Turns out I actually have some good memories and feelings about him, beyond me and him going to watch Ajax play football.
After that I shared a luxurious lunch with my (former) bestie which was really good, we talked, after lunch we walked around town a bit, being with her felt a lot more comfortable for me than before. We still like each other. I’m going to stop calling her my (former) bestie here. Just say my friend. We’re trying to rebuild a new friendship I feel. One day at a time.
Today is for myself. I need to go out soon, have a repair done on one of my bikes, get groceries and be back home in time to see the penultimate stage of this year’s Tour de France. Relax. Sober and clean. Have as good a weekend as you all can friends. Love.
Day 103 checking in sober
What you’re studying? (When Tony lets you)
year course holistic masseur In Utrecht
Good morning everyone. Checking in SAF. Have a great day.
Yeah, this is very surreal. It’s been 16 years since I could claim 300 days so this is very significant. And I’m not struggling like I used to. Finally figuring out what works. Sometimes, it just takes a while. Just don’t give up. Don’t hope, and keep trying new things. Learn from each relapse to get a better result each time.
Every relapse is a learning experience to uncover what God is trying to teach me. And I’ve relapsed ALOT. I hate it, but I needed to learn.
I really envied those that could get sober from day one.
Anyways, I see that you’re making progress, moving forward as well. I knew you must have been growing because 4 weeks was amazing! What have you been doing girl?!! I’d like to know.
In the midst of my relapsing, people said that they still saw a lot of growth in me. I couldn’t see it, but they were right. Sobriety, to me, was just a gift that came along after addressing multiple issues in my life. For instance, until I challenged my toxic shame, my faulty paradigm, the exorbitant amount of value I was placing on my DOC, and my disconnected relationship with God, along with other things, relapse was inevitable. That’s a lot of stuff.
Sounds like you got stuff too. But I trust that you’ll keep learning, keep growing, until you’ll uncover the path that works for you too. I really do believe this.
Hey all, checking in on day 1133. I hope everybody has a good one!
@JazzyS My back procedure went well. The Dr did tell me I may feel worse before I feel better. I was in a tremendous amount of pain yesterday morning but as the day progresses it lessens. I go back to the Dr on Monday for a follow up. Congratulations on all of your milestones. It’s such a huge accomplishment. I hope you feel better today as well. Sending you lots of positive vibes.
Day 945,
Arrived safely in Austria. Love the mountains. My head wants to put me down, like your to much your son and his mother don’t want you here. That it’s ridiculous that we do it like this with the three of us. This old feeling that I’m not good enough. The contact by phone so far (I arrived bit later then them and stay in a location 500m from them), indicates the total opposite. They sounded relaxed and looking forward to our stay here. So that voice can FRO.
Gonna take a nap, the drive was fine but bit tired. Although I think I should have left the two Red Bulls I drank on my way. Just like coffee just not good for me 
Greetz, Rob
It does get easier and so much better. There’s no way to grow without pain, but that pain and growth is the path to feeling complete and stable (well stabler lol). Here’s a couple definitions i keep close to me in times like these:
Penance: voluntary self-punishment inflicted as an outward expression of repentance for having done wrong.
Tuition: fee paid for an education or new skills.
Imo penance has lil value. You’re going to suffer, we all are, but it helps to look at it all as something we are paying towards our greater good. This mindset is empowering and keeps one’s vision on a positive outcome (that will come in time with work). As time goes you’ll not only feel better, but you will have an accomplishment under your belt that few people understand that serves as proof to your limitless potential for growth.
You’re doing great. Take care
Kevin, that’s the word… penance. It comes so naturally right now but it’s absolutely useless. I’m trying to find lil mantras to counter act the intrusive vile thoughts I feel towards myself but you know how hard self love is to attain. I haven’t loved myself in 20+ years… but, it is amazing to wake up sober. I can get used of this. And, I can say I love my sober thoughts are still funny and a bit depraved sober so I can still provide myself some laughs 
I don’t want every part of my personality to change
Day 59. It’s a nice camping area, everyone’s out and about riding bikes. Kids have alot of friends to play with. Me and autumn went for a good little mile hike ride or so, it was nice. Did get a little agitated last night but hoping I can get that in check, just trying to remember these new parenting techniques I’m learning. It’s gonna take time to get it down of course. Got a little upset bc my parents are telling me what I can and can’t do with my girls and I find it a little annoying. But idk otherwise all is good
Day 644 AF
Day 83 no caffeine & junk food
Hey, guys. How’s it going?
I’ve been staying busy with work. Working a lot of OT this week. Finally got a day off. I’m still dealing with heartburn issues. My endoscopy came back with mild chronic stommach inflammation. I guess it’s not too serious? I’ve been trying to get a hold of my Doctor but we’ve been playing phone tag. Can’t seem to get a hold of anyone at Kaiser. I’m done with my meds and no signs of improvements. I’m gonna give supplements a try, vitamins, and stick to my diet. I’m down to 115 pds. I’m officially under weight.
Anyways, all is good with my sobriety. However, I can’t escape my past. Can’t shake off these drunken memories. The people I hurt. Somedays I’m okay, other days my head’s spinning. Not sure if I should reach out to these people and apologize. Or it might do more harm than good. It’s been years now. Do they even remember? Idk.
Today’s my wife’s bday. We’re gonna celebrate with the fam. It should be a chill day.
Hope everyone’s doing well. Take care, gang. ODAAT.
