Day 1,120 clean and sober. I finally found the right combination of medications to finally sleep well consistently YAY YAY YAY!!! It’s been so difficult but I’ve been able to sleep well for 4 nights in a row WOW!!! I’m so excited and so grateful. I hope everyone has a wonderful day today, love you guys!!! 
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Thanks so much! I am right as rain. He is working on it! A very small event. Everything is pretty much set up. Fingers crossed there will be no SC early evening thunderstorms.
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Checking in
Day 509
Juat felt like checking in today. I honestly dont know where to start. Just feeling sooo frustrated with myself this week. I havent been able to get up in time to workout for most of this week. Waking up at 530am is just so difficult. And when i dont workout, i feel like the rest of the day is shot. Sort of whats the point in trying to be healthy then. I realize thats all or nothing thinking but i do notice a huge improvement in my overall mood and thoughts when i do exercise. So when i dont, it really impacts me.
And then to top it off, i have been having thoughts of wishing i could use. I keep having to play the tape to the end bcuz i know that using drugs wont make anything better. I really feel like i need to get out of this feeling. Ive been basically ignoring the thoughts and not being proactive about getting to the root of WHY im thinking this way. These thoughts have been almost daily. But if i look at what else i am not doing is connecting to my HP and thats honestly crucial for my recovery. Im just struggling with the WANT to do all of this. I find recovery can be hard work somedays. Like sort of exhausting being on top of my addiction and doing all the things i need to do to stay healthy in my recovery. Im just tired and want a break. But idk how to get that. Anyway, i just wanted to open up a bit today about whats going on in my mind.
Thanks to anyone who reads
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@JazzyS @anon74766472 @Mno @JennyH thank you all for your compassion, it genuinely helped. 🩵
@Juli1 welcome back 
@butterflymoonwoman sending strength 🩵
1060 days no alcohol.
525 days no cocaine.
40 days no vape.
Today I looked through the photo albums from my early childhood, before my Mum passed away. I took a break half-way through to rest my spine, which is hurting a lot today. I felt sad so I looked at memes on here for a bit. I did my morning walk, then looked through the rest of the albums. I felt very sad when I’d finished. For my family, including for myself. I tried a meditation, and I still felt the urge to binge, but instead of going to the convenience store to buy thousands of calories of binge foods, which would have involved a lot of sugar, I walked to the supermarket to buy the healthier type of crisps and some mango. I’ve still reset my counter to stay accountable, because I ate both bags that I bought and the mango was a jumbo pack, but I am not experiencing self-loathing because if I’d gone to the local store, it would have been so much worse. I made a healthier choice.
Tomorrow I am attending a drumming workshop, on my own, as another attempt to socialise. I am looking forward to it because I used to enjoy drumming but never got very good at it, so it didn’t last when I bought my own drum 6 years ago. I gave it to charity a year or two ago.
Wishing you all wonderful sober weekends.
🩵
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I’ve not been to the forum for couple days, and just realised it’s already Friday. This week kinda happened without me. So did the 4 month milestone yesterday. Having a kidney infection and spent the whole week on the sofa, watching Netflix and co. Slowly starting to feel better, hopefully I can play a more active role in my own life again by next week.
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Checking in sober. I still feel like shit. Mental illness fucking sucks. Don’t have much else to say.
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Sending strength and peace your way Karen
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Day 2073.
I show gratitude about my sobriety by living life to the fullest every single day. I notice lately I’ve been focusing more on sobriety, just in different ways. I have less and less to share because I am doing rather than talking. I feel comfortable with knowing what I need, and don’t need, to remain sober. All of the time in AA meetings and the literature and the sponsor time has truly paid off.
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@CATMANCAM thank You! You are doing great in all your counters!!! Enjoy your trip to your early childhood although the nostalgia could appear but is needed if we want to visit our roots
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Swnding you so much 
& just positive energy your way. Not sleeping and feeling anxious is just the worst. Hope you find something thats one or both, and until then we are here.
Xo
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Beautiful day today. Getting ready for a little vacation with my family, including my mom and nephew, at my Aunts place. Feeling good today. Had a great time with my husband this afternoon - we are meeting each other again! Life is a wild ride.
Feelinf a bit tired and calm, so just goinf to end here. Wishinf evedyone another 24.
Xo.
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Checking in on day 756. Dropped family at the airport and now I am back home. I’m so tired and I don’t know why. I just want to crawl in bed for a week. Bleh.
Anyhow happy Friday everyone, and I hope you have a great weekend
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I’m looking for a place on here to wish you an early happy wedding! I’ve been thinking about you all week! Best wishes for a wonderful ceremony and of course for a wonderful life together! Big hugs and lots of love I’m so happy for you both! 
@Mbwoman
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Just wanna say hi. Sending you big hugs my friend
I’m sorry you’re having a hard week. I hope it gets better soon
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@amy30 wow-that’s a lot to get done in 1 day. Were you able to make a dent in your to do list? Definitely hope you got that swim in :wink
@rockstar24777 So brilliant to finally have the right meds and dosage – yeah to getting good sleep!
@mbwoman keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly!
@butterflymoonwoman I’m sorry that you feel out of sorts my friend. Sending you strength love to get you back on track with your recovery (connecting with your HP, working out in the am, getting your energy levels back up). Recovery is super hard work, having to stay on top of it for your mental and physical health. Are the new meds affecting you (keeping you from waking up early and hence impacting the rest of the day)?
@catmancam drumming workshop? WOW – that sounds like such a great time… be free and have a fabulous time tomorrow.
@holysquid Hey congrats on 4 weeks!! That’s super awesome. SO sorry about the kidney infection (that doesn’t sound fun – I do hope it’s not too painful). Wishing you a healthy recovery
Checking in on Friday evening
613 days no cigarettes
98 days no weed or alcohol
Where did the day go? Ive been fighting with my computer for past week to connect with wifi - somehow lost my wifi drivers last night and after installing the computer again started going haywire this morning - UGH!! so i cleaned off everything (forgot about my work shortcuts on chrome - 
) and reset to factory settings - seems to be working now but will have to reload a lot of stuff. Got a bunch of little stuff done but really don’t know what happened to the day. I skipped my vegetable juice so instead ended up having too much fruit and had a massive sugar high / crash - luckily i figured this out quickly and was able to counteract it. It’s 9 now and i’m exhausted - will be turning in early tonight (hopefully i don’t accidently wake myself up in the getting ready for bed process 
).
Much love my sober friends -
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I better be skinny minnie come wintertime so I can wear cute winter outfits. 
I’ve been cooking a ton to distract myself, hitting the gym, and drinking my healthy liquids to replace the alcohol I would normally drink. I drank two cups of this green and mango tea. 
It has helped. Not too high of a caffeine content that I was still able to go to bed in one peace. But I still had to wake up at midnight to go pee. 
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2396 days no alcohol
21 hours no carb binging
I am trying to be a normal eater with regards to carbs. Despite having yummy fresh croissants in the house, I have had only one today! I’ll need to go grocery shopping soon so that I have more healthy choices that are low in carbs.
Glad it’s the weekend but I didn’t work very much today and am trying to decide if I should feel guilty. There is nothing pressing since I don’t have a project to work on right now. So can I really be expected to spend 8 hours on my computer?
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Sorry you’re having hard days and you have those thoughts of wanting to use and not enough hours in the day. You say that it’s hard to get up to exercise and that you’re not depending on your HP as much and also you’re not coming here as much. What can you do? The thought that comes to my mind is sometimes you can do some of the things when often times you can’t do all of the things. It’s better to do some of the things some of the time than none of the things any of the time. I do know that you do do a lot. If it’s a struggle to get to the gym at 5:30 in the morning maybe there’s some things that you can do at home in five to ten minute bursts through out the day. If you’ve got some stairs in your building a couple extra walks up and down the stairs would do a lot of amazing things for your health and strength. Consider holding a 20 pound kettle ball while you’re doing it starting with a five or 10 pound one. Stand straight, no leaning. Or you could just simply walk in place like that and then you could still watch your son. I’m thinking about you and hoping that there’s a good turnaround for you. I’m hoping that you will get the time you need for yourself and to get everything that you have to get done done. Big hugs.
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