Struggling a bit today. I’m house and pet sitting for family and having four dogs is a lot. They have busy schedules. Still sober but it did cross my mind to drink. I’m safe though.
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Hi all, checking in 2 months 11 days.
Sobriety and recovery is continuing, I am finishing my list of fears and harms (step 4) and I am feeling more grounded and more self-aware as a result of the reflection work. I am grateful for the opportunity to dig deep into myself and understand myself better (and how to live my life with more acceptance and peace).
Still very busy at work - summer is always crazy for painters - and grateful for the way sobriety and recovery makes me able to do work and have a positive impact in the world.
Marriage - marriage! - by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Just had our 15th wedding anniversary. We’re doing well and communicating empathetically. I am grateful for that, and it took a lot of effort to get here. It was only a little over a year ago that I was in conversation with a lawyer. Now I am finding I can connect with my wife and my marriage is a source of strength and support, because it is a space where I show caring (and I receive caring - I get what I give), and all of this is possible because of the self-awareness I get through sobriety and recovery.
Grateful for everyone here. Don’t give up. It is possible. It is possible.
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Good for you Dana. It’s ok for the thoughts to come. They are like people passing you on a busy street: they are having their own conversations, their own scripts, but you don’t have to follow them; you can let them pass you while you keep going in the direction you want to go.
You choose. You seek support and empathy (like all of us do). You ask for help and you connect (you don’t isolate - addiction loves to make us think we should give up and stop trying; it is sneaky that way).
You can do this; you can connect and reach out and take steps and make this happen 
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Going to bed after a shitty day at work, finding more gambling by husband, resetting my disordered eating counter this morning after a midnight mini-binge last night and I’m just so fucking tired of my life.
At least I didn’t drink alcohol today.
Feel like someone is sitting on my chest.
I hate this.
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Day 9 off alcohol. Woke up feeling edgy, angry, restless. Want to do something, but do nothing at the same time.
Fed the cat. She’s nursing, so needs her food on time. I need to feed the dog. Also need to visit my bank, which I hate. So many things to do. Maybe I should make out a list of things to do and cross them out.
I just feel like I have no energy to do anything today.
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Checking in * it’s been a long time since I’ve checked in and have been A/F * but today I made 5 consecutive A/F days… so I’m following the ODAAT mantra; realizing my triggers & making efforts to deal with them differently… I seriously need this… thank you for reading & have a blessed day/evening 
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I feel ya. My family left Thursday and my husband is leaving on Sunday and I feel like I could stay in bed for the week he is gone. Have to fight those urges. Hang in there, friend.
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1061
Had a couple of occasions of being gaslit recently. One time I set clear boundaries and protected them calmly and firmly, and one time I had a ‘paddy’ ( for the Brits out there) and stormed out only to get caught in a summer storm, and have to literally wade home completely wet through. So dealing with my emotions and people is still very much a work in progress.
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Welcome back
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I decided to add iced coffee to my list of addictions. It’s been 20 days since I’ve had any iced coffee. I got sick of thinking about it nonstop and having up to 24 ounces of it daily. It’s amazing how something completely legal can really mess up your mind.
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Day 6. Had a Dr appointment today that was good. She might be the NICEST GP I’ve ever had lol. I feel very lucky. She thinks it might be time to switch off Prozac (on it 8 years now, but it’s kinda wearing off) and switch to something new. Intimidating for sure, but she says she’ll help me along the way and even give me temporary Disability approval so I can still have some money coming in if I need it. Good to know and very comforting. Talked also about my relapse, which was also good. I’ve lost weight, lol probably mostly from not eating much this week.
Went out with my mom, who got me a couple new scented candles, which really make me feel good to have burning. Relaxing. Thanks Mom.
Ate some proper solid food. Not a lot, but it’s an improvement from my recent nearly all liquid-diet.
Took a break from True Crime binging (which I still LOVE–don’t judge me 
), and watched more feel-good stuff on YouTube. Mostly dog-related goofiness.
I’m glad to be going to bed sober. I still don’t feel 100 percent, and sleep is messed up, but it’s still early days.
Thanks for all your guys’ support! 
Goodnight from California!
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I feel you on the coffee. I was overdoing it before my relapse for sure. Never done that before. Another potential addiction for some of us I guess 
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Congratulations on the 4 months 
And hope the kidney infection clears up. They can be nasty.
Something you said about this week happening without you really resonated. I have been feeling like that loads lately, think I have my balance off. You may have triggered a massive realisation moment so thank you
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Feeling very confused lately.
Everybody starts drinking or using for various reasons; loss of a job, a loved one, etc. But the real underlying cause is that we’re avoiding feeling emotions. Since being approved for disability, things are better than they have been in decades. My rent is taken care of, I have access to medical care including a therapist, and I’m debt-free for the first time in my adult life.
What am I running from? I just don’t understand me.
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Congratulations on your 9 month milestone. Keep up the great work!
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Congratulations on your sobriety! I don’t think you’re running away anymore. I think you just are so used to drinking. You can be doing so well and the addiction will all of a sudden rear its ugly head in. It’s been 17 days since I’ve used my credit cards and once in a blue moon the urge comes to use them and it’s really strong. I tell myself that I can’t do this anymore, and that it’s not worth it. Again, congratulations on your sobriety and keep up the amazing work!
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Go easy on yourself, you are probably still processing those decades when you struggled. It may take time for you to believe you are secure now. I don’t understand my triggers either, there seem to be so many!
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@KevinesKay congratulations on the 9 months!
It seems that a lot of people are struggling and tired, sending strength to everyone. Keep checking in and sharing (I am the worst at this and do understand the tendency to withdraw when feeling so weary).
Checking in on Day 4. Still feeling positive so really pleased. I was a bit worried that I would try and use the weekend as an excuse to moderate (a regular conversation I have with myself) but put strategies in place and when I did have those thoughts I managed to divert and distract.
A lovely but busy day ahead. Gym and swimming first though and looking forward to that. Yesterday ended up being a day off as it was too hot to do my run. Today will be good but I am already looking forward to my evening in front of the TV. One of my new strategies is visualising myself in the evening and what I am doing (obviously minus the wine). It is working, but now I just want to skip the day as looking forward to it
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Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
I saw my individual therapist yesterday. Instead of doing trauma work she let me vent about current events and feelings. Which I needed. She gave good feedback and did some small interventions that helped me to make issues clearer for me and why I felt so shitty in the last days.
Felt better afterwards. Back home I managed to finally do the dishes and clean my place out after weeks of letting it all go. More work is needed but at least my place feels liveable again. So here I am, having my coffee. Sober and clean and ready for late shifts this weekend.
I’ll be ready to quit therapy and my therapist some day but not yet. Grateful to her. It’s all about connection. Connection between therapist and patient in this case, but it goes for everything in life. The opposite of addiction is connection. I’m working on better connections ODAAT. X
Pic is from my walk to my therapist in Utrecht. Met another alleycat. It wanted connection too. Or maybe just go inside.
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