@Wakikki sending strength 🩵 @J.Crichton welcome congrats on 4 days good plan to keep yourself distracted @SadMemeQueenso jealous! Have the best time @SoberGuyUSA congrats on 5 years @Amy30 glad you checked in, sending strength 🩵 @KarenKW congrats on double digits @Bomdhil congrats on 30 days @Catmama23 congrats on 50 days I hope the meeting helps sending strength 🩵 @Butterflymoonwoman stay connected to your recovery routine in the morning, I notice the difference in your posts when you do 🩵 sorry about the anxiety of all the unknowns for your son @CueBall8n9 congrats on the new job
1080 days no alcohol.
545 days no cocaine.
60 days no vape.
2 days no binge-eating.
I slept for only 75mins last night. Today I’ve really struggled with the fatigue. I managed to do my morning routine, and a few hours of slow decluttering in the kitchen, spare room, and porch space. It feels less suffocating.
I haven’t had the energy for much else, so no walks or cleaning, but I am hoping I’ll sleep well tonight, and can get back to those tomorrow.
I’ve just realised I haven’t done my colouring either, but I have been busy so I can pick that back up tomorrow too.
I’ve just done my physio exercises and now I’m in pain. I expect this will reduce once my strength builds up so not worried.
Now I’m here catching up.
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(Typed this last night but fell asleep whilst catching up).
In bed reading this forum because I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. My oldest daughter discovered my husband’s affair today. We’ve kept it from our kids for the last 8 years for a variety of reasons. Many mixed emotions at the moment. But I won’t eat or drink over it. Last Saturday I heard the word “deconstruction” from my higher power. I feel like to be truly free and truly sober, my current way of living and thinking needs to be deconstructed and rebuilt based on truth. Surrendering to the process is the most difficult part for me. I’m such an egotistical control freak who’s been running on self will far too long.
Checking in late at the end of day 775. Had a busy but good day. I watched the women’s world cup match between the USA and the Netherlands with my kids. My 7yo daughter decided to support the Dutch team because she likes their orange uniforms Now I have to try to sleep because of an early psychiatrist appointment tomorrow morning. Wishing everyone a peaceful day.
Start of day 2. We’ll worn path of feelings after a solid rip. Just know if I can make it to tomorrow afternoon in work I’ll have a bit more space outside of work where I can relax a bit more and have some quite time and get some exercise. Feeling confident that I won’t drink anytime soon but it’s a tough couple of days ahead. Reading others posts above help but I’m jealous of those with more time than me… Wish i was back up in triple digits but it’ll come.
Kinda changed up my plans, which I need to get better at accepting. I get a bit obsessive about planning my day, and then sometimes feel disappointed when I change it. I’m pretty certain this is a control thing, and probably a trigger for my drinking. I’ve still got a lot figuring out to do when it comes to my crazy brain lol.
Anyhow, got a free trial for some workout videos and did half an hour of an intense lower body workout. My legs feel very weak lol. Then, went for a half an hour afternoon walk.
Apart from that, I was just doing chores and stuff. Ate healthy meals and stayed sober.
In the late afternoon, I started to feel kinda down. Might be the med decrease, but more than likely it’s hormonal. I always have some degree of depression before my cycle begins. I used to try and drown it out with alcohol, but that is no longer an option (thankfully), so I’m trying to just be gentle and patient with myself.
Spoke to a good friend through text, and that helped. Watched random funny videos on YouTube for the rest of the evening.
Day 33 still raining here… woke up early, so quiet at the moment. I have a star chart on an app and its so positive to see 33 stars! Best I’ve done since precovid
I feel ok. Ambivalent about going out at the moment. We have a visitor for four days this evening. They drink alot but i know i am ok with that.
Checking in on Day 23. It isn’t raining here (in Britain right now that feels noteworthy), although still feels very wet.
Sleep made all the difference to my fatigue, but still plan to take it easy today. My head isn’t in the game at work right now, still working hard but it is more of a forced effort than I would like. I have a lot of contact with outside people and feel like the world just seems a bit grumpier recently. It can get you down when you really are trying your best.
I am so sorry to hear about your health problems @DryIn785 It sounds like a lot is being investigated and probably feels very scary and out of control. Remember that you can control your drinking and maybe try and use this moment as a turning point. Sending lots of strength your way. Please keep us updated.
Still feeling good, had a great sleep last night. Payday tomorrow and decided I’m going to get my gym membership back and started on a list of food to get in and meal plans. Going to clear my cupboards and freezer of any trash foods in there tonight.
For those who are having those jitters about maybe having a drink, just to share in case it helps -
My mindset is now that alcohol is like that toxic ex partner you had when you were younger where when you broke up you just needed to get them so far the fck away that you don’t ever want to see thier face again. I won’t even tolerate thinking about such a piece of sht and the damage it’s done. I’m moving on and if it shows its face round here again it’s getting short shrift as I walk away.
Yeah I think its good I see it, but at the same time it scares me if its something els that it something dangerous for my health, that Im seriously ill or going to die soon. The physical symptoms are so scary.
Its been a while since I had it like this so have not talked about it with my psychologist, so I definitly will on my appoinment next week. Im afraid this periods I have in wintertime is starting earlier then normal and will last longer. I cant cope with that.
The mind is definitly amazing, and I know I have come a long way in changing the way I think, but still a long way to go, I hate the way that I can know one thing and still my brain will say: Ohh are you sure, because Im sure this is your deathsentence.
Checking in, yesterday was a better day, slowly but surely. Was able to catch up on some regular housework and start doing a bit more organizing and putting away of the endless STUFF! I think I’m starting to see a vision for placement of that stuff, too, which helps battle the overwhelm. Another heat advisory today, so another day of working inside. No migraine so far in this heat wave, which is great. Doctor appointment with new doc coming up in a week and a half. Might have found a buyer for the massive dining set we don’t have space for. Switching off the utilities at the old rental. Changing addresses over. One piece at a time, one day at a time, and on we go, friends. Sending sober strength out today.
The withdrawal from nicotine is really at a 3 out of 10 today. I’ve been up for 2 hours and had three pieces of nic gum. This is the least nicotine I’ve ever had throughout the morning
I had flashes of a thought of weed this morning but it’s a heavy no on that note. Refusing to give in to that
Checking in 574 days AF.
Not having a great time atm. Dizzy/lightheaded, feeling wierd, wierd sensation in chest and arm. If I did not know better I think Im having a heartattack or something els with the heart. But,I have had this feelings and sensations alot of times. No matter how much and often, I still feel like death is knocking on my door and my time have come.
Yes – it can be super scary facing getting tested and looking into health issues but we can’t start to fix something when we don’t know where to start. The sooner you know the sooner you can address it and maybe it really isn’t as daunting as expected. You deserve to live a happy healthy life. I do hope that you are able to seek the help needed.
The mind is truly amazing and terrifying at the same time. I am all too familiar with thinking one way and my brain having a difference of opinion. We do know better - we know it’s the addiction talking. The healthier and stronger we become the less control the “addict mind” has over us so of course it is going to work overtime to keep us from moving forward.
WE are all here for you my friend!
Just saw your update love-- You may have had these feelings before but they are not to be taken lightly. Please do not ever apologize for being you! This is what you are feeling and i’m grateful that you are brave enough to share with us. Are you able to get an emergency appointment with a doctor or hospital - i don’t think you should take this lightly.
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congrats on 4 days 
good plan to keep yourself distracted 
Now I have to try to sleep because of an early psychiatrist appointment tomorrow morning. Wishing everyone a peaceful day.
still raining here… woke up early, so quiet at the moment. I have a star chart on an app and its so positive to see 33 stars! Best I’ve done since precovid
what is happening 
