I believe in you 
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21 days AF. It has been really tough the last couple of days. My mind has been doing the funky boogie woogie (my new nickname for stinkinā thinkinā). Iāve been isolating (no meeting last two days) but Iāve talked to my sponsor, daily gratitudes, and reading the daily meditations for steps 1-3. Tomorrow 9am meeting. I know my issues are driven by myself and my ego. But I can still do the right thing and not pick up a drink. I wouldnāt do that to my family and also, oh yeah, MYSELF! 
we all deserve sober lives!
Job anxiety ongoing, but I just focused on what I needed to get done today. Smokeyās meds are going well but it is still a stressful process. Hope everyone is safe and well.
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I donāt know if Iām the only one or am I overreacting or is it just something that can piss anyone off.
Friday night I worked late, two of the guys closing up asked if I wanted to go to the bar/restraunt club whatever it is across the street, one of the guys from our shop is now the manager there so yeah why not, we can shoot ball, check out the live music and atmosphere count me in
They order, and I said yeah Iāll have a coke please, bartender replies what do you want in it? I said nothing just coke, again sheās like what you donāt want anything in it? Yeah maybe some ice if your feeling generous no alcohol I donāt drink, which kinda gave a puzzled look but whatever
So weāre playing darts, and my coworker said you really donāt drink huh? I said no, I have three years and some change sober. Not planing to change that, heās like really thatās fucking awesome, no big deal
Then the other one chimed in, with āyeah I was an alcoholic, but Iām better now, I leaned how to Control it ā and I about lost my mind
This is the problem with addicts of any form, along with a āitās a choiceā the general consensus thinks itās just cured, like you get a cold, hereās some medicine rest up and drink fluids for a week and it cycles, nah shits like diabetes or cancer, your never cured you just manage symptoms or go into remission.
I am not proud of being an alcoholic or addict, it sucks but itās part of who I am. But when people think that itās a cured disease, like yeah I beat it I can consume alcohol with discipline, it drives me absolutely insane. I know there is no cure, itās a lifelong battle, we can oƱly treat the symptoms
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Thank you! I really appreciate it 
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Day 515
Doing good, been keeping up with most of my little āsanity tasksā, plus cleaned up my house and did a bunch of dishes/reclaimed the kitchen. Tomorrow is my food prep day, i have to restock my freezer and fridge or else we end up spending way too much on take out and my gut gets angry.
Iāll be making black beans, rice, lentils, quinoa, chicken in a couple different ways, and my custom yogurt bowls (a recipe cultivated and perfected over time). Aside from the yogurt bowls Iāll mix and match the rest to create a bunch of freezable meals we can just microwave.
Other than the usual, I have been meaning to post the rest of this for a few days now.
Iām struggling with what has to be some sort of unfortunate milestone in longer sobriety. I always have fleeting moments of ājust one hitā, but lately, like the past week-ish, itās just been ten-fold on my mind in the most annoying way.
Iāve been using all my tools, and honestly had to struggle through replacing food as the stand-in vice. Itās been weird feeling āitchyā like this again, but like i stated a few days ago, Iām not about to give up my numbers for ājust a hitā.
Getting these āitās been long enough and i can manage it nowā intrusive thoughts has been exhausting, but i AM combating them with the big stick of addiction recovery skills i have gathered over the last 16.5 months.
Anyways, thatās why i decided getting back on track with coming here daily would be a good add on. Iām okay now, and Iāll keep going on. addiction is just the annoying Orange in my brain and Iām just gonna have to keep ignoring it.
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Hey Thanks Dana! Appreciate the shoutout @JazzyS @CATMANCAM
Hit a meeting this afternoon to stay focused, nice crowd. Stacked up another 24hrs today. Have a good night crew 
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I have had the same trouble around 12 days clean. Multiple times lately, I would open up to self sabotage and the exit strategies from sobriety. We can learn from each others success and struggles, thatās what this group is about.
Phrase caught my attention at a recent meeting when someone read āhow it worksā. It was the part ā Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.ā The word absolutely rang in my earsā¦ that is the level of commitment I was not reaching. Not quitting after a holiday or the Super Bowl or until I get pissed off but ā¦ absolutely.
Wish you well Julia, keep learning and keep reaching up
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Congrats on your 3 weeks - i am so sorry for the past few days! any reason for the isolation? glad that you are doing your other rituals to keep you on the sober path. i know that the meetings seemed to help- hopefully tomorrowās meeting will be a good start to get back to it. Much love my friend - sending strength 
hope things go well with Smokey 
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not alone here - that would totally piss me off as well.
totally agree and i wish others would see alcoholism for what it is. sorry that you had to experience such bs tonight!
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your number is impressive Marianna
i am sorry that the feelings / urges / voices are so persistent. glad that you are back on track by coming here daily and staying active here (it has been my saving grace). Do you also have any other support systems in place? meetings, therapist, counselor? we are here love - i do hope it gets easier. sending you some strength
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Thank you! And yeah, I do have a pretty good support network which makes things a lot easier. My therapist also has a similar diagnosis to my own so it does make discussing the struggles a little bit easier.
My husband and the rest of my family have been really supportive through the whole process, and I think another reason I keep on persisting is the thought of how I would feel if I had to tell them I had broken my sobriety.
I think itās just a moment where Iām going to have to figure out whatās going on underneath thatās making this come up, and I will keep on trying to sort that out in the meantime.
Thanks again so much and yeah Iām definitely glad to be back!
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Greetings
Today was a pretty good day. The sun shone all day. I got fed good food by two of my clients. I went on a 30 minute service call and got $100 tip. Then I spent the rest of my day on the roof of a million dollar house. When I got home I pissed off all my people. The last few weeks has been about setting boundaries, the more I do it the better it feels. Everybody hates me and I just donāt fuckin care!! Hahahaha
Checking in
393 days no booze
11 days no tobacco
Weāre all gonna die but not today, thank you all for being a part of my recovery.
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This is one of those live and let live situations. You know what you are. Same as me. It took a long time for me to accept that I have to be done drinking, forever. I was in denial for a very long time believing I could control it.
I understand how frustrating it is to hear people say untrue things about a disease you have. Especially when you learned the truth the hard way. They just havenāt gotten there yet. When I see people like this, I feel sorry for them. I pray to myself they wonāt fall as far as I did before they realize.
Anger feels awful. Donāt waste your mental energy on something you canāt change. Live and let live 
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I can relate Curtis. People without boundaries donāt like it when we set them. Iām experiencing the same thing right now. Family members not supporting me and then blaming me for cutting them off.
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Day 73
Crazy busy at work and no desire to drink. Supposed to pick up my parents ashes tomorrow from my sons front porch. I refuse to meet with my DIL without my son present. Iām hoping she follows the plan but my intuition tells me sheās going āaccidentally forgetā. Pray Iām wrong.
Thank you for all of the support. Iām so grateful for everyone here.
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I was so tired this morning. I slept fine. Woke up, made/ate breakfast, and then layed down on the couch. I had more energy after I slept a bit but then I had to get ready for work. I hate doing that when my daughterās home bc thatās all I used to do every day for years. Iād love when she went back to school bc I could sleep ALL day. Ugh. Such a waste. This year Iām planning to get some much needed detail cleaning done while sheās at school when my job starts slowing down. And if I need a quick nap from time to time I wonāt beat myself up about it.
Iāve been noticing a lot of movies on Netflix that I gave a 
to but donāt remember watching. I mustāve watched them blacked out. At least thereās a bigger selection for me when I canāt decide what to watch, lol.
Anyway. Hope everyone has a great day/night! Keep up the good fight
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Thank you so much
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Thatās inspiring.
I thought itās absolutlyā¦ And I am more reliable. But I didnāt sit down and ask myself whatsup long enough. 2 minutes was not enough before hurrying to the shop. I still want to be clean!
Thank you so much BT
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Day 67. Restless nights sleep
Working today and tomoro then off till Sunday (working overnight on Sunday)
Day 67 is pretty much another day one. Each day is an opportunity to not screw up and to do something positive. Today i am not drinking. I will work and then relax
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Believe me, I put a lot of effort into friendships, a hell of a lot, I have Aspergerās syndrome and ADHD, maintaining social relationships is a massive struggle for me so I do everything I can to maintain the friendships I have.
In my world outside of my family I have very few connections. I would number it to 1 real true friend who I know is there and will always be there. Sadly I only had 2 other people I would regularly contact, however over the past 5 months the messages and contact has dried up from them, Iāve sent multiple messages asking about their family and how they are, inviting them to go for coffee, rock climbing, bowling, Iāve even invited them to go out to night clubs etc as I know that is what they like (even though itās massively out of my comfort zone) but they have ignored the offers and invites. Theyāve stopped inviting me to their 5-a-side football games which I was a regular part of but had to stop playing because I tore my thigh and now I am ignored and yesterday they removed me from the WhatsApp group for it so I naturally feel they have decided they donāt want me in their life anymore. In the last 4 months all contact has been from me to them and between the 2 of them I had got 3 words in response and when they update Facebook with their photos of their āgreat nights outā or āamazing days outā with the other lads we played football with etc I struggle to see what more I could do and as their actions are to ignore me and itās making me feel low Iām not going to try with them anymore.
But, honestly, youāre probably right. The problem is absolutely me, I am a burden, I try to please too much and I am a weird guy because of my issues. Iām socially awkward and grumpy, so I might as well be a good friend and stop contact and be ignored because I donāt want to be their problem.
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