Thank you so much
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Thatās inspiring.
I thought itās absolutlyā¦ And I am more reliable. But I didnāt sit down and ask myself whatsup long enough. 2 minutes was not enough before hurrying to the shop. I still want to be clean!
Thank you so much BT 
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Day 67. Restless nights sleep
Working today and tomoro then off till Sunday (working overnight on Sunday)
Day 67 is pretty much another day one. Each day is an opportunity to not screw up and to do something positive. Today i am not drinking. I will work and then relax
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Believe me, I put a lot of effort into friendships, a hell of a lot, I have Aspergerās syndrome and ADHD, maintaining social relationships is a massive struggle for me so I do everything I can to maintain the friendships I have.
In my world outside of my family I have very few connections. I would number it to 1 real true friend who I know is there and will always be there. Sadly I only had 2 other people I would regularly contact, however over the past 5 months the messages and contact has dried up from them, Iāve sent multiple messages asking about their family and how they are, inviting them to go for coffee, rock climbing, bowling, Iāve even invited them to go out to night clubs etc as I know that is what they like (even though itās massively out of my comfort zone) but they have ignored the offers and invites. Theyāve stopped inviting me to their 5-a-side football games which I was a regular part of but had to stop playing because I tore my thigh and now I am ignored and yesterday they removed me from the WhatsApp group for it so I naturally feel they have decided they donāt want me in their life anymore. In the last 4 months all contact has been from me to them and between the 2 of them I had got 3 words in response and when they update Facebook with their photos of their āgreat nights outā or āamazing days outā with the other lads we played football with etc I struggle to see what more I could do and as their actions are to ignore me and itās making me feel low Iām not going to try with them anymore.
But, honestly, youāre probably right. The problem is absolutely me, I am a burden, I try to please too much and I am a weird guy because of my issues. Iām socially awkward and grumpy, so I might as well be a good friend and stop contact and be ignored because I donāt want to be their problem.
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Wow, that does sound tough. Sometimes these things happen and they are very hurtful. It sounds like you have done everything in your power and they have chosen not to accept your friendship anymore. I am sorry as it must really hurt. You have made the right decision to step away and protect yourself.
I love reading your posts and donāt think you awkward btw.
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1544
Rainy morning. Thatās Ok. Working later. Thatās fine too. Iām free from substances and thatās the best. Never again. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love from my old hood.
@BJonns I feel itās not about being strong enough. Itās about having the right toolbox, which includes the right mindset and the right support system. And itās about being ruthlessly honest with yourself. No more sneaking around. Never again. Itās good you are here now, next time please come here before you give in!
@CATMANCAM Man I donāt even know what to say. Big hugs friend 
@Fury I get you but I feel Iām beyond that sort of rage now. If something like that happens now (and it does, quite often, at work) Iāll give my two cents. Their life and theirs to fuck it up.
@mamador I strongly believe we (we as in addicted folk)) need community. A sober community that is. Glad youāre back. BTW, this goes for @Catmama23 too. We nee ach other friend. Wherever whenever. Canāt do it alone.
@Soberbilly Be safe Billy.
@BrOKenWolf No youāre not. Find your own tribe. It can be a long search, I know all about it.
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Checking in 
3 days sober, itās beautiful this morning, sunny, clear blue sky, I live in Scotland where mornings like this are hit or miss, but I got up at 5am as didnāt sleep much and walked coops for ages taking in the morning, now work and hopefully the early rise and long walk will help me sleep better tonight ODAAT 
have a great day everyone 
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Thank you so much. I am still in shock to be honest that my body is allowing this. When I was first ill I couldnāt work and could barely look after the kids, had to drive the 5 minute walk school run 
Would spend the weekend in bed to recover, missed out on so much. Now I am about to start FT hours and am managing daily exercise. I am cautious though as donāt want a crash. Every now and then I have a nap that is more fatigue driven than usual and it serves as a warning.
I have been pondering on whether the body goes through cycles, and mine is now receptive to all this work. There is no way I could have done this a couple of years ago. It isnāt just āpoweringā through as I know that doesnāt work. The gluten free diet has definitely helped. I hope you find a way through your fatigue. I donāt ever want my posts to come across as everyone should be able to as I have. I know from experience that you need to work with your body and take your cues from it. I am just so lucky that mine has decided to allow healing.
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Checking in for day 1.
Iām fine, Iām here and Iām sober.
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You are absolutely right. I am going to make sure I jump on here daily. I see it helps so many others.
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Checking in Day 57. Just put the washing out on the line and had to come in and change. It is starting to feel autumnal here, much cooler even when the sun is shining. You can smell the change in season. I struggle in the darker months but find nature has little ways of helping you through. We are going for a walk on a heath soon so that will help.
I think I can sense the start of term and my new increase in hours approaching as I was awake last night with anxiety. It wasnāt terrible, but just āthereā. Hoping the walk helps. I need to remain present in this week I think.
Have a lovely day everyone
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Hey all, checking in on day 1172. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Hey there, Iām sorry youāre being shut out by people you considered friends. No way around it, it hurts. For what itās worth I think your original post was spot on and youāre right, empty friendships are toxic and itās healthy to let that go. You will find people who āgetā you if you keep trying and putting yourself out there. I see no blaming going on, youāve done your best to maintain friendships that just arenāt going to pan out, it seems. I agree with @JennyH , I see no awkwardness from you here and appreciate you being a part of this community! Stick around here, friend. We are here for you.
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Checking in for the night. Sober head on the pillow tonight. Not quite 24 hours, almost. Hope everyone has a good day/night.
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Checking in on day 88.
Iāve felt my way through a range of emotions so far today. I was concerned that my son would find it difficult to go into school again and he was still a little anxious. I told him, especially as it is a lovely morning that he should at least walk in to school and that heād probably feel fine when he got there.
Once both kids left for school I had an energy slump and just crawled back into bed for a bit. Iāve had a bath and finished it with a cold blast under the shower and then did one of the more gentle breathing exercises. My appetite hasnāt been great but I made up a slightly larger batch of breakfast kefir and Iāve had half now and will have the other half later.
I have arranged to have a chat with the yoga teacher after the lunchtime session so Iām looking forward to that. Then it will just be doing the small amount of grocery shopping I need for the evening.
I may check in again this evening but for now my mood is lifted a little from this morning.
Wishing everyone an addiction free day and thanks to all those who responded to yesterdayās check in.
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Iām sorry they have treated you like that, you didnāt deserve it by the effort youāve said youāve put in trying to stay in contact, my husband is waiting to be tested for aspergerās, he is the same finds social interactions very difficult but he tries really hard and the few friends he does have know he tries hard, it doesnāt seem like your friends really appreciate how hard you try and being honest your right to walk away, your not weird, your just you and just keep being you
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Indeed it might be a bit confusing, but this pic is Amsterdam, my birthplace and residence. I work and go to therapy in Utrecht. BTW, there is a number of movies that have used Utrecht as stand in for Amsterdam. It seems more Amsterdam than Amsterdam itself at times 
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Checking in for day 37
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If i tell her i tell my mother in law I LOLād. 
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Day 333
Iām negative!!!
I already was grocery shopping and did the laundry.
I jumped on the scale bc I thought that I maybe lost some weight while almost not eating.
Lost nothing 
So Iām the impossible human for most dietitians who claim āif you eat less you lose weightā. Not me buddy.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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