Ugh that is rough. I hope you feel better soon!
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Evening Check In
Day 568
Tried my best to take it easy today. Im preparing for another awake overnight shift with my son. To be honest… im pretty angry. Ive been awake since 530am and wont be able to get sleep (hopefully) until 10pm tmrw night. Im angry at the scheduler that this happened. I literally was bawling in the shower bcuz im sooo tired of just… everything. Our nurse booked her time off WAY in advance apparently and so there shouldve been no reason why im having to do this shift and potentially tmrw nights shift too. I have plans tmrw for myself once my son goes off to school and that also includes getting a hold of someone that can help me get a nurse in for tmrw night. I cant stay awake for over 2 days straight. They need to understand that. Praying that tonight i dont end up binge eating bcuz im overtired. And praying that my son sleeps well so that its a smooth night. I will tey to stay positive and get thru this like i always do. Have a good night everyone! 
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@HOLYSQUID I am so sorry that you have been struggling with your health and not getting any answers. I am in a similar boat my friend and have found myself not wanting to do my gratitude’s or proper check ins. I do know that being connected to my TS peeps is the one thing that keeps me from turning to my DOC. I am happy to see you keeping sober at 182 days! We are here if you need to talk or vent. We are stronger together! Being alone in a depressive state is unhealthy for many reasons – here at least you are among friends and folks that can relate.
Mia this is growth. I know it’s hard to let go of some relationships but knowing when to let go for your own recovery is progress. You do not want to be tied to anything / anyone that could be a potential trigger or a constant reminder of something you are trying to move away from. I am very proud of how you have handled the situation and how you are preparing yourself for whatever reaction your friend may have. You come first and I am happy to see you taking steps to protect your recovery.
YES!! How precious these memories will be for you and your kids. Well done on your 8+ months of sobriety
@scorpn Oh love I am sorry to hear this – I do hope you have someone taking care of you. Please get plenty of rest with fluids and hopefully the doctors given meds to help heal you quicker. Sending you loads of healing vibes!
@mindofsobermike Hey Mike – first of all that is so awesome about being invited for the meal at twin oaks. You obviously made some friendly connections there. I know many times I have to re read something many times just to understand it. Sometimes I have to read it out loud or even try to explain what I’m reading to someone else in terms that they may be able to understand it. By doing this, it really helped enforce it for me. I am hoping that these techniques or maybe others that your tutor can offer will be of help. Do not beat yourself up over this and try to refrain from the negative talk. Much love my friend 
@butterflymoonwoman Oh Dana I am frustrated for you. I can’t imagine the feelings you must be feeling right now. I am furious at the damn scheduler and I do hope you are able to figure something out for tomorrow evening. I am praying that it is a easy / smooth night for you and your son. Sending you much strength and energy to get you through this patch. Loads of love and calmness too 
Checking in on Monday night
257 free of alcohol and weed
672 days free of cigarettes
Honestly been a few rough days. My Friday PT appointment went well but left me with immense pain. I was puking from the intensity of pain for 2 days and finally was able to get somesleep last night. I was able to move again yesterday afternoon which was a huge achievement. Needless to say, I have not done any of my PT exercises and will be calling them tomorrow to discuss as my next appointment is on Wednesday and I can not go through this again. The good thing was that it got my mind off of every other symptom (silver lining). Everything was manageable today. Got a little bit of work done and managed to go for a 30 min walk with my mom. She has been a fucking saint! I am truly blessed.
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I went to the Buddhist center Shambhala, meditated with a group. Guess I’ll go in every morning when possible, for the feeling of shared experience.
Ran into my crush while walking to the store. He pulled over, said hi, hugged me, and we held hands and prayed. Hope I see him again, though he doesn’t live here anymore. He gave me a rosary, and I keep it in my left breast pocket.
I wander the streets, and chill at the cemetery. Sleep behind Whole Foods.
Have an appointment on Wednesday. There will be many nights between me and any ray of hope.
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Thanks. It’s still a bit rough but it’s all the mental game now. How are you feeling and doing?
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Awesome work on 4 months Clay! thats some serious work my friend - keep it up!
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Checking in Day 79
Back home from my weekend away. I’m tired and didn’t sleep well while away. Not sure why. I usually sleep well at my friends house.
I had a strange experience once home. A former friend who lives in the same complex as me didn’t realize I was home. She has a key to my house and while I was sitting on my couch she attempted to let herself in. Fortunately, my door was double locked from the inside. The entire experience was weird and strange. She had a large garbage bag with her so I don’t know if she was planning on stealing something or not. The whole thing. I feel unsafe and don’t trust that she hasn’t made a copy of my key. First stop in the morning is to the leasing office to ask to have my locks changed.
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Grateful you had the door double locked as well. That is a bit weird.
Yes - definitely get the locks changed out tomorrow. Fingers crossed that they can do so first thing for your ease of mind.
Hopefully you will get a good nights sleep tonight! 
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Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love from my commute. Two shifts to go. 
@vagabond Take care, be safe and hang in there friend. Glad you’re here.
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Day 4
I.am grateful to have this long time off work infront of me and time for me. This is a gift and special. I will write down my commitment now, have a meditation and a walk by the river.
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Day 339
That was a rough and short night again. Yesterday evening my belly started to hurt and I was bound to my toilet 
I read that some people have problems with that after Covid. Yeah hey body, enough now! Calm down and let me live please, yes?
Cake and date sweets are with me, I’m currently waiting for my train at the main station and watch some people 
@Mindofsobermike did you try reading while you walk? For some people it’s helpful to do that because they can process information better when they’re moving. Give it a try 
Ok, time to get a good place in front of the train now.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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Sorry you had another crappy nights sleep. Hope u feel 100% better soon
Happy Birthday Sabrina
Happy birthday song
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I’m fine Camden. I was a bit shaky the day I witnessed it, but that was it.
Just read your compassionate letter, it was a good read. I think you have to put it somewhere to read it more often. Give it a nice frame and put it on your wall.
So sweet and incouraging.
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I’m sitting here, after midnight, misting water on my skin to cool off bc it is so humid rn there’s no way I could get in bed 
Hoping it will drop a degree or two in the next half hour 
Today was a good day off. A little lazy in the am, but after lunch we made it to the pool. It was packed. A day off work for most as well as the day before school starts. My friend, and old boss, was there with her kids. They were in swim lessons with my daughter so it was nice she had swim mates. I floated around catching up with my friend. We used to party together years ago, but she’s quit drinking now as well. It’s nice to see so many people in my life choosing this path.
After hours of swimming we went to my parents for dinner. It was just us, and pretty quick, but nice. Something upset my stomach though. I haven’t had heartburn in months. Idk. Probably the raw onions.
We went thru our school supplies and we’re only missing one thing I’ll have to grab in the am. I’d better start winding down so I can get some sleep. It’s gotten cooler already 
Goodnight 
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Can I offer a small little something. Fingers crossed is leaving it to chance. If your hoping this is your time and not committing to your time you will get caught out eventually. Thinking that cold beer would go down nice will break through at some stage. Thinking that ice cold beer will steal your weekend is the approach I take.
People in glass houses and all that. I’ve ignored many phone calls from family when I was in one so I’m not speaking as an expert, just offering a little tip that I use when temptation creeps in.
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Day 73. . Definitely not drinking. Back at work tomorrow , three busy day’s then i am on annual leave for two weeks ! I cannot wait…but first I need to get better
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That was a short one. I’m on my way to the Dr and then back home, I’m feeling so sick 
The assistant on the phone said that its possibly such a post Covid thing. Awesome. What a birthday is this 
And the worst: I couldn’t even have one bite of my sweets or the cake Sigh…
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Happy birthday!! Although it sounds like a less than happy one so far. Really hope you recover quickly and can eat some cake soon.
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