Checking in on day 12. One day at a time is saving my bacon, keeping sobriety very manageable. I haven’t had cravings per se, it feels more like there’s an empty space which used to be consumed by thinking about/drinking alcohol (that whole process was very time consuming) and now that I’m not drinking, the space is just sort of there and I’m not sure what to make of it. My natural inclination would be to fill it up but it seems more appropriate to let the space be there and see what might naturally arise. I’ve had some stirrings to start writing again. At one point I had a poetry page on FB but when I decided in a huff to quit social media I lost the page 
So maybe that’s what’s bubbling up 
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Checking in on day 4.
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I broke my ankle this past weekend so I’m stuck at the house for Labor Day, too 
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I promise you it does get easier. I couldn’t get 1 day clean and sober either but when you can’t live with it and can’t live without it you might as well suffer the pain of recovery instead of the pain of regret. Keep going it’s just for today.
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Day 1117
Getting back into the swing of regular life has been a bit of a challenge after three weeks in the UK. The heat back in Japan is not helping, I don’t feel like doing anything but sitting in front of the fan and scrolling. But feeling lazy and pointless is making me irritable, so need to get back to housework, work and study.
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Occupied by stuff and not thinking about booze at all.
It’s 293 days I think. I don’t pay much attention to days until it’s a landmark day. So, one coming up next week. 
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Day 987,
Relaxing in bath for the first time in months with some music. Parents are here to help me a bit, slept yesterday at their place. Grateful for that, it’s something I may practice more being grateful.
My son is having a soccer match this afternoon. He might stay over to sleep, but that’s not decided yet. Going for a “haircut” as well, also long time ago. I do it myself normally, but my eyebrows need trimming. At my age hair seems not to grow in places it should 
. Lately read somewhere I’m not the only one.
Edit: My freshly done haircut. Feels good to have it done….
Greetz
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Day 26
Been up since 3am ,my sleep pattern is so screwed up,Going to an early bird meeting and then breakfast with friends. Have a good one 
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Thank you Billy, im trying, i honestly dont know what is the truth because i dont fully trust what hes telling me, i wish i did, i could question him on it but hes very defensive/argumentative then id risk the lines of communication between us for my daughters safety being scuppered so for now unless i hear different im having to take what hes saying and roll with it, i hate the feeling im being decieved tho xx
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Thank Menno 
hope alls well with you 
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Checking in on day 40
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Hey all, checking in on day 1175. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Checking in on day 91. I think I slept really well overnight and the first time I checked the time it was after 7am. I did feel anxious unfortunately and ended up having to get out of bed because I felt like I was going to be sick. I made coffee and did breathing exercises and the feeling passed fairly quickly.
I’ve made crepes for the kids and made one for myself but I had difficulty eating it. I’ve done a couple of puzzles, more breathing exercises and have been lying down in a pool of sunlight in the living room. The washing machine is on in the background. I think the next thing I’ll do is play the guitar for a bit and then I may need to go to the shops ahead of making our Saturday evening pizzas.
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
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Day 0.98 no weed
Day 45.65 no smoking 
Day 114.58 no alcohol
Today I woke up irritable and tired. Lucky I don’t have work till this afternoon… I don’t need pot to feel better. I just need a moment to wake up and writing here helps too. It could be the weather that’s making me a bit down. It’s cloudy and blaaa
Thank you for letting me ramble
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Day 231.
So the good news is that me and my husband sat down this morning, looked at our budget and we can just about afford a new laptop for me next week. I’m super excited! I’ve been needing one for at least a year (mine is five years old and slower than a lazy slug on a good day).
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@JazzyS thank you 🩵 I hope the start of your PT goes well 
just seen your next post, sorry about the urges, and the extra pain, I hope both have settled down by now 
🩵
@Ballroomdaze welcome back congrats on 5 days 
good luck for your upcoming surgery 
@Mischa84 well done for handling that trigger like you did 
@Scorpn feel better soon 🩵
@Mindofsobermike congrats on triple digits 
@lorelai feel better soon 🩵
@Deelzebub congrats on 90 days
@Juli1 congrats on being free from your toxic job
@Teresa.13 I hope you felt better after some sleep 
🩵
@Ceeds congrats on 3 weeks enjoy your planned activities 
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@GenG feel better soon 🩵
@BT824 congrats on 2 weeks
@Curtis-81 congrats on 2 weeks no tobacco
@Shawn1991 enjoy the beach 
@Timetochange congrats on 70 days
@Brl81 congrats on 40 days
@Starlight14 you’re handling a difficult situation very well, proud of you 🩵 I hope things get better.
1117 days no alcohol.
582 days no cocaine.
97 days no vape.
Checking in for yesterday…
Only slept from 4am-7:40am, missed 4 of my alarms but thankfully the 5th one woke me and I was able to get to my appointment on time. Had my blood tests, and Testosterone shot, then drove home.
Had a long nap when I got home due to lack of sleep during the night. Managed to do my routine, and although it took me a lot of persuading myself, I did manage to do both walks, no bullying yesterday, which was a massive relief.
Received a phonecall late afternoon, from the Adult Eating Disorder Service, confirming that I have been approved for CBT-T therapy. There will be several months wait time, but help is in sight, and that gives me some hope.
Fell asleep whilst catching up here last night.
Today I’ve done my morning routine and read one chapter of the book I’m reading. I have to wait in for a parcel delivery today so I can’t go for any walks yet, but I plan to as soon as I receive it.
Wishing you all wonderful sober weekends.
🩵
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@danam56 that is an amazing view. I’m sorry the weekend and surroundings are triggering – grateful that you are able to have tools and that friend to help you maintain focus and stay on track. We are also right.
@curtis-81 2 weeks of no smoking!!! Congrats man – keep this up 
@just_laura I can sense that it is bothering you but try not to let it – its just dishes and house work – they will get done eventually. You come first! I see you working hard and taking care of your girl and yourself – maybe procrastination in some areas but not the ones that count. Maybe - Right now you need to use the mornings for you time and not “adulting” chores. I can totally understand having more energy after a long day at work than prior – like you said we get paid for work and have to accountable so part of our brain conserves that energy for the work and then allows us to use the rest after work for other shit (just a thought).
Glad you have these urges under control. Wishing you luck in utilizing the tools and buckling down with your routines. Yes – love the focus on a long term goal – you will gain strength and clarity with each sober day
@hoss doing great at day 12! I like the idea of not trying to fill in the space but see what occurs naturally. Sorry you lost your FB poetry page – hopefully you had the poems saved elsewhere as well. Think it would be a great outlet to start writing again.
Dang Paul – this was so profound and hit every feeling right on the nose. Thank you and I’m seeing how well you are doing – Keep putting in the hard ODAAT’s and living your best life.
@deelzebub not a great way to start the day. I’m glad the feeling passed. I do hope the guitar and shopping and pizza prep will help with anxiety and mood. Hope you also regain your appetite.
@Starlight14 I wish I could find words to help make things easier for you Kelly. I think you are doing a great job navigating this situation and you have so much empathy for your ex. Grateful for the good communication that the two of you have. I know it is troubling to not be able to fully trust him but I do believe you would know if your ex was “off” when you dropped off Sophia. I think its smart to only do day visits for short periods of time so that they can both get some quality time. Much love my friend 
@catmancam thanks friend – not much better but I have hope that it will be soon enough. Grateful you were able to make your appointments on time. SO very happy for you my friend – YEAH to being approved for the CBT-T therapy and no bullying on your walks – that is awesome too (hope those boys just stay away). Hope you get your package soon so you can go out and enjoy your walk.
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Checking in on day 6, little later than usual, visited mum and dad and had breakfast with them this morning, it was good to to be able to do that, this time last weekend I was still going from the night before ignoring calls from my mum, they know I drink too much but they don’t know about the drugs and just how bad my drinking has got, it’s beautiful today, a lovely warm sunny day and I’m sitting in my garden swing seat watching Coops going crazy chasing the flies that are landing on him, crazy dog
I’m feeling ok, thoughts are constant of an ice cold beer would be good right now but I’m slapping those thoughts away, can’t remember the last time I sat in my garden on a day like this with no alcohol, fingers crossed it’s the first of many 
Have a great day everyone 
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its all about re-wiring that brain of ours - you associate the garden with relaxing time and alcohol … now you will hopefully see the garden with different sober eyes and enjoy it on a whole new level
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