Back from our camping retreat, much needed break! We really had a lovely time in nature.
I did manage to catch these nice numbers while we were there 
Very grateful to be sober and able to enjoy time in nature fully present.
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Howās it going, Juli? Youāve been on my mind. Hang in there.
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Thank you so muchā¦
Had a good run for 13 days,
thought I made a change.
Then I relapsed again for several days.
Wrote down my commitment again yesterday and today, googled for some selflove tipps (wikihow helps lol). I quit my toxic job finally on Thursday after 8 years, thatās huge release.
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Congratulations on a new, fresh start after that toxic job. Thatās a major step and Iām proud of you for taking it. Now keep working on your recovery and building that tool box of yours. I know you can do this.
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Morning Check In
Day 566
I really dont want to adult today lol like I really dont. I feel like I havent had a chance to recoop after everything thats happened with school and having no homecare the other night and just busy with pushing myself to the limits by doing stuff. I dont feel rested at all. I DID show up for work today but am considering not going in tmrw if i can afford to lose the $$ on my paycheque. Ill have to do the math.
Health wise - I am getting back on track today. Going to give it my all again. I sort of fell off the wagon with my eating there for a couple days. Just with eating food for the wrong reasons. And i paid the price for it physically.
Recovery wise - I am good. Did my morning routine today on the way to work. Feeling good about my recovery. Not much to mention here.
Hope everyone has a great day today! Congratulations to anyone celebrating a milestone today or to anyone coming back 
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Checking in on day 52. Have a great day, everyone!
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Thanks for the support guys, il be ok im made of tough stuff especially now im sober infact had i been drinking id have probably just gone in all guns blazing a made things twice as bad so im grateful for that. Its great that i can come here to vent and get such amazing support. Thanks to everyone 
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Ahwwww
ā¦ That big batch of love is what I realy wish forā¦ I feel its reaching me deep inside. Thank you so much @RosaCanDo and Billy 
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Day 519
Found out what was going on with the cravings descending on me so quickly; I was doing well. Itās a hurdle I forget Iāll always have to cross. The sudden urge to self-destruct and and throw away the goodness to relent into being a āpiece of trashā (referring to my long- held self perception, not that addicts are trash obviously) as i can so much easier navigate that than lifting and holding myself up constantly.
I guess itās a tale old as time and a constant struggle with a lot of addicts, I would venture to assume.
I kept doing the things and not stopping, to spite that part of myself, and now Iām fine and havenāt had those cravings since the evening of when i posted that.
Itās been pretty good overall though, trying to keep myself busy, with kids, schedules, fitness, art and piano. Iām happy to keep doing my things and despite still having a lot of unknowns to figure out in the next 18 months, Iām happy here where Iām at bc Iām not scaring my family plus have their trust and respect. I think thatās pretty cool
Anyways have a great day all, itās the weekend finally!
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MyFitnessPal helped me several times. Itās free. There are paid options, but I never found it necessary. You can set a goal weight, and it will calculate how many calories you need. You add your food into a ādiaryā to keep track. Thereās a community with tons of different topics and helpful advice.
My biggest advice- be patient and stay consistent. Weight didnāt go on over night, it wonāt come off overnight either. Best to make small sustainable changes, stay consistent with those changes, and the reward will follow. Best of luck to you!!
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Day 101. Good morning fam, how is everyone today. Im a little annoyed with myself because i notice i am sleeping a lot, and i mean a lot. Like i went to bed at like 730 8 last night and woke up at 1 oāclock today, and its been the last couple days too, it would be ok if it was just once but its been happening like everyday and I donāt like that at all. Idk why i am sleeping like that but hopefully we can get it under control and back to a normal sleeping schedule. Im guessing part of it must be stress or something idk but much love, other than that Iām doing good, one of my buddies wants to do a tattoo and Iām going to be honest i donāt really want to do it. Im probably not going to do it either. Idk much love everyone ttyl
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Had my little sisterās baby shower this morning (looking stylish on my knee scooter, everyone said i looked great lol yeah right! :P). Glad i made it, cuz yesterday i had a fairly serious meltdown/anxiety attack that continued when i woke up this morn.
My aunt who i was sitting with at the table was enjoying a glass of red and was like, āWait youāre not drinking!? Who even are you!?ā And i was just like, āWell, i did break my ankle last time i drank, so Iām drying out, thatās itā¦ā Sheās all, āoh do you think thereās a correlation?ā And Iām just like, āIām an alcoholic. Yes, there is.ā And started crying again, ughhhh. Luckily everyone else had gotten up to get food at that point, heh. Anyway, just rambling, but i needed to tell someone my malaise wasnāt just based on having to be dependent on others for awhile (a huge deal for me) but also the emotions that come with early sobrietyā¦
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I wouldnāt beat yourself up too much. Youāve been straining that brain all week at school! I know when I have very complex projects at work where Iām thinking hard all day, I am absolutely exhausted and need to sleep more.
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38,74 hours
Hi, I am back at home and clean.
Will cook dinner now.
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Checking in.
It was great day till around 2 hours ago when my head started exploding. It hurts so bad I puked. It happens to me sometimes, I always thought itās from alco but I guess itās not the case. Maybe migrainesā¦ idk. My h is out fishing and actually Iām glad cause usually he wants to help but heās just annoying with his constant questions: but why you have headache? But where exactly? But why you think it hurts? Strong?.. I just need silence and darkness and luckily I have both now cause kids are sleeping. Unfortunately this kind of pain is not responding to painkillers, at least the basic ones I use.
I will try to sleep and hope tomorrow I will wake up all good.
It was good day anyway 
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Checking in 813 days of continuous sobriety. I need to wake up early tomorrow morning to catch an early flight back home. Today was a really decent day, and I went for a marvelous run through a historic parkland and had a big fat scoop of stracciatella ice cream. Now I need to try to get some sleep as tomorrow will be a long day of travel. Wishing everyone peace.
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Oh no, that sounds like a migraine. I have an aura first so get a warning to take pills. Really rough if you donāt get that warning. When I was a child they would come on at night and I would wake with the headache and throwing up. Sending lots of sympathy, feel better soon.
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Yikes. I hope you get a good nightās rest and feel better tomorrow!
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Checking in, 38 minutes short of 60 days 
Had such a lovely day, my daughterās football match (6-0), then lunch with my sister, a nap, gym and time with the family. I am feeling very lucky at the moment. I am so excited about the new baby. My sister seemed confident that baby isnāt ready to come but it will be within the week if she follows me and my Mum. She looks amazing! She is 12 years older than I was when I had my first and still going for dog walks and has none of the water weight I did. I am so proud of her and hope it bodes well for labour. Hard not to worry about her but she will hopefully be awesome.
Hope everyone has a lovely evening. My boy turns 14 tomorrow so it is wrapping and Match of the Day for us!
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@Juli1 Iāve been quietly following your recent posts as I relapsed last weekend for 2 days straight, your doing really great, and should be extremely proud, being in a job you hate and is toxic massively affects your life, I too was in one for 8 years, my alcohol and drug use went through the roof then, so I took the risk and left, that was 10 years ago and I love my job now, my alcohol and substance use really calmed down after that but my sister passed away 3 years ago with cancer aged 44 and it completely destroyed me and I went straight back down the rabbit hole of destruction, she would hate that I was back there, one of my many reasons for staying sober and I wish you all the best in your recovery and your braver than you think for taking that step away from the job
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