Oh dear, I’m sorry to hear you’re not well. This like @JennyH said sounds like a migraine to me.I have an aura before as well and if I take my medication asap than I can fight it and feel better after a 2 hours or so rest. Hope you’re having a good night’s rest and get well soon.
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This is so hard to read. I am so sorry for loss. Life can be so hard at times, and 44 is just so young. Thank you for sharing 
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Thank you Jenny, I appreciate that, it is young and hurts like hell, I’m slowly realising now I shouldn’t be wasting life drinking and drugging, I should be living it clear and happy 
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TW for suicide day 549 of no self harm
I had to talk a friend out of suicide. I’ve lost so many friends to this and the thought of losing another makes me panic. it was over text so I was able to pretend I was calm and I did calm them down. I also made them promise they won’t do anything and if they do ever get to that point they promised to call or text. I know I can’t exactly rely on that promise but it’s something. I was going to call the cops but they calmed down by the time I found where I wrote down their address. I have it saved for the future. if there’s a next time they talk like this I’m calling right away. I’d rather lose a friend because they hate me than lose them to suicide. it sound selfish but I’ve had so many friends die like that and I only have 2 friends in my life. I don’t think I could handle it. I had a 30 minute long panic attack while trying to calm them down. I’m better now but still really shaky.
I’ve also been really really bad about my eating for several months now to the point that the last 2 days sitting up makes me dizzy. so that really did not help me feel better physically. my stomach has shrunk so much that I have to physically force myself to eat even small portions because I get so uncomfortably full and a little nauseous. it doesn’t even feel like I’m intentionally starving myself I just don’t have any appetite anymore. I feel like this should concern me but it just doesn’t
update: started to feel okay and then the same friend text me still slightly upset but they were okay. but now getting a text from them sends me nearly into a panic attack
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Thank you so much for your understanding regarding the job topic. Sometimes I feel weak with all the relapses but I don’t stop wanting sobriety. I am so sorry for your loss… Hope you can get back with me on that sober horse.
Sending love 
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Admitting you have a problem brings out all kinds of feelings. But often it feels liberating to be open. I hope you can get support from your family in the future if they know. 
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Checking in, doing pretty good. Was at the therapy appointment it was all in all weird but good id say. Working long and late shifts. Thankful for fighting for peace in my mind 24/7
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Your not weak at all because you get right back on that sober horse, we can do this 
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Whew this has been a tough day!! College football is back and this will be my first season sober. Its been so hard not to want to grab a quick drink. But i know if i start it will be hard to stop. Trying to stay positive enjoy watching it without temptation.
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Checking in on day 69, enjoying my day off and the cloudy weather 
Have a good weekend everyone
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@Qhob13 welcome
@Mischa84 feel better soon 🩵 migraines are the worst 
@icebear safe travels 
@JennyH congrats on 60 days 
have fun celebrating tomorrow, happy birthday to your son 
@SadMemeQueen glad you were able to be there for your friend 🩵 take some time to be kind to yourself now.
@Mia2 I’m glad therapy went well
1118 days no alcohol.
583 days no cocaine.
98 days no vape.
Waited in all day until 15:30, then was getting really restless so I tracked my delivery and yet again, for the third arranged day, it said ‘failed delivery attempt’, I was here and awake all day! 
I didnt even go out to sit on the benches in fear of missing the delivery. So now, I’m going to have to get a taxi there and back to collect it on Monday, which will be a whole week after I ordered it. They must be going to the wrong address because I haven’t even got a calling card on the first day or today, I’ve only got one from the 30th when I was out having therapy. Nevermind 
as long as I do actually get them in the end…
Because it was so late by this point, I’d lost all motivation for my “morning” walk, but after talking myself into it, I managed to do my longer PM walk. Glad I did, I felt better for it.
Tomorrow I will attempt to write this ‘compassionate letter’ to myself. Typical of me to leave it right up until the night before our session, but I keep getting overwhelmed by the wave of sadness that rises up when I think of how unkindly I’ve spoken to myself my entire life. I guess I could start wifh that.
I hope you’re all having wonderful sober weekends.
🩵
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Day 1.50 no weed
46 days no smoking
Day 115 no alcohol
I have 1 hour 45min left of work
I’m tired but I’ll make it
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Oh Megan – grateful that you could be there for your friend today and talk them down. I do know how anxious that conversation can be. I feel you really handled that very well and nothing about this situation or your plans on how to handle in the future make you selfish. You are looking out for your friends well being over anything else. I do hope you are able to breathe deep breathes and calm yourself. Are you able to involve someone else like your other friend so that you are not feeling 100% responsible for your friends safety.
Do hope that you are able to start eating small portions throughout the day to expand your stomach lining. Your body (bones /muscle tissue) can not heal if it is not receiving proper nutrition.
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Evening Check In
Day 566
Am so grateful to be home. We just finished eating supper and now im relaxing with my son. I decided to take the day off of work tomorrow so that i can try to get the rest I really need. Im feeling pretty drained lately. Nothing much else going on. Have a good evening everyone!
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my other friend is long distance and they don’t quite get along. i don’t have any way to contact their family unfortunately. I’m calmer now and planning to try to eat a full meal soon
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oh - that does make things tough. glad your friend is doing better now - just hope that you don’t feel panicky every time they text or call. Maybe suggest that your friend talk with a professional about their feelings?
oh this makes me happy to read. hope you have a wonderful relaxed evening Megan
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@rosacando congrats on your 700 days! Glad you had a great camping trip celebrating your milestone.
@butterflymoonwoman how are you doing love? Were you able to get some rest today? I do hope you are able to take tomorrow off. Yeah – to taking the day off tomorrow – I do hope you get to just lay back and rest!
@mindofsobermike a lot of changes very recently my friend. I know that just the anxiety of starting school alone would cause me to wear out. I wouldn’t worry about it for now but if you do not get back to a regular sleep schedule soon then I would check with your primary just to make sure you don’t have any vitamin dificiencies.
@ballroomdaze Great on sticking to your sobriety. I do know that the early days are very emotional (I would start crying at the drop off a hat for no damn reason) – stick to it my friend – it does get much easier!
@mischa84 I am so sorry love – totally sounds like a migraine. I don’t get an aura and haven’t found any meds that have helped. Did find that placing a cold cloth over forehead and eyes while simultaneously placing a warm cloth at the nape of your neck helps relieve the pain. I do hope you are feeling better.
@Jennyh Congrats on your 60 days my friend! WOW sounds like an amazing day today. Have a great day celebrating your son tomorrow!
@saturn81 doing so well on your sobriety my friend. I am so very sorry for your loss. You are here and staying accountable for your journey! Much love Michelle
@mia2 glad you had a great day and that Therapy session went well.
@carangel101 Great job Tara on resisting the temptation to drink and watch football – the two kinda go hand in hand or that’s what our minds are programmed to think. You can totally still enjoy the sport without the alcohol. Its all about re-wiring our brains and finding better alternatives to alcohol. I find as long as I have something in hand (a la croix in a glass) then I don’t feel like I’m missing out. Actually ½ way into the day I realize how fortunate I am to still be able to make full sentences LOL
@catmancam UGH that is so frustrating about the package. I would be steamed at this point. Maybe bring it up to them when you go to collect on Monday. It could be the delivery guy not doing his/her job properly. Big hugs my friend – I am grateful that you will be sitting down to write yourself a compassionate letter. Hopefully you will be able to forgive yourself for the years of negative talk and re program yourself to see you in the same beautiful light that we all see you. You will do great – you have a huge heart and are so compassionate towards everyone here – now it’s time to turn that love inwards
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I’ve been trying to convince them to get therapy (they used to see a therapist before I met them) but they can’t drive and feel like a burden to their parents and they said virtual therapy just doesn’t work for them. I don’t think the anxiety from their messages will be a permanent thing it was just a bad day overall.
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