Checking in, day 54❤️
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Checking in
@Just_Laura 200 days is fantastic you should be so proud of that 
@CATMANCAM that was lovely to read and emotional thanks for sharing it
@Juli1 your doing great, lets not drink today 
I went for my lunch and it was nice to have a catch up with some friends I’ve not seen in a while, it was very difficult sitting while my “hot tub” friend was guzzling down wine and kept asking why I wasn’t drinking, and everytime I told her my drinking is out of control and I’m stopping she just shrugged it off and said “you’ve said this before” and laughed.
I have said it before many many times, like everyone on the planet who has woke up to a horrendous hangover and said I’m never drinking again, but this time I mean it, I didn’t go back to my friends for drinks and hot tub and dropped one of my other friends off home and went home too.
@Soberbilly you are right, this friend is not a supportive friend at all, she drinks like I used to and the amount of times she asked me to just have a wine, leave the car, come back to mines and get my husband to pick me up, drink drink drink, and your right, I don’t need to make excuses either, my other 2 friends that were with us are lovely and supportive and I’m now having to think about who I want in my life now, because the lunch was hard but my friend made it just about unbearable.
But I didn’t drink and I can say I’m 8 days sober
Hope everyone has a great day
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Checking in for day 71 
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Hi, Michelle! I’ve been looking forward to your post-lunch check in today! 8 days… hell yeeeahhh!!! 
Glad you made it through lunch! So sorry your “friend” made your get together unenjoyable! But happy to hear you had a couple friends present that were supportive. It’s so hard when we have to question friendships. Even though you found it nearly unbearable, I’m sure with reflection you’ll find things you learned about your boundaries, triggers, sobriety, and friendships. Regarding your “friend” who was pressuring you, I’ve found people like that are insecure about themselves and deal with their own internal shame by keeping others down in the mud with them. Misery loves company!! Your sobriety is threatening to someone who isn’t in a good spot. If you stay drunk with her, she doesn’t have to fear your judgment or look in the mirror. Stay strong friend!!
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Day 989,
Back in the centre. Had the make a family constitution during therapy. Made may mother, father, brother, mother of my son and my son out of clay in symbols. Never ever did I feel part of a normal functioning family. I did put myself far far away from them (my ex and son not included). Those emotions are making me very tired if not for the thyroid. The therapist asked why I then went to go the sleep at my parents place on Friday. I just keep looking for acknowledgment, but I know I need to start giving myself some grace or whatever. Resentments towards them is building up while typing. Medication for my ADHD didn’t start today due to an error, but will start tomorrow, hopefully that has a positive effect on my busy head and energy level.
Greetz 
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Thanks for your beautiful post 
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Day 3 and 12 hours
Sober and at home.
No shit in the fridge.
Some important decisions today…
- Decision to joyn an online meeting in refuge recovery. I felt welcome. I felt connected. Didn’t share yet. But I feel having a place I can go to. The inventory of stressors helped me with the cravings yesterday.
- Decision against wanting this guy anymore.
- Decision to swim alone this morning.
- Decision not to swim once more in the evening to c him, although my body needs resting.
- Decision for an evening at home, some yin yoga, skincare and a healthy dinner.
- Decision not to let my landlord trigger me or push any buttons with his blabla shit and behavior. It’s just these 1,5 seconds I have to get, to smile calm (and a bit creapy lol) and answer uninterested and calm (and most important not sharing things of my life, as i need to protect from this person - boundaries).
So, I made a lot of decisions and I am sober! I won’t drink today and probably not tomorrow
I noticed that I was deeper in a toxic bullshit “friendship anything” then I realised. I made a mindshift, that this is not at all the kind of person I want closer in my life. I pushed him down the imaginary podest, I feel less attraction. I keep on working myself out of these tendencies (eg by setting boundaries in more simple situations in life) and hope for healing experiences one day.
Bit more of my life on day 3.
Much love 
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Second check in
The day was really good. After arriving at home from work I immediately started baking for my birthday tomorrow. I made a lemon cake and snicker dates. Both extremely yummy 
Now dinner is on the stove and I finally have time to sit on my couch to write this.
After eating I’ll shower and then finish the cake (frosting).
@Juli1 good job girl 
Onto the next 24 hours 
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Morning Check In
Day 568
Today is a holiday so there isnt much going on. Hubby went to tattoo and im staying home with our boy. Its a very cool, rainy, and smokey day out there. Not very plesant lol
Anyway, I woke up early for a workout and am going to prep my salad for lunch shortly. Going to eat well today and work on my DBT book. Will probably do my nails later and will find some fun things to do with my son also. Just a very relaxed day.
Im praying we have homecare for my aon tonight. We havent received the schedule for Sept and i found out that our nurse for tonight and tmrw night is on vacation. Soooo praying that someone shows up at 10pm for their shift. I tried to call the office and someone did answer surprisingly (even tho its a holiday), but idk if this person can access the schedule and find this info out for me. They are going to try their best and call me back. I just want to know so that i can maybe prepare myself in case I have to be awake again all night. These overnights are brutal and it literally takes me about 2 days to recover from them.
Not much else happening today. Just another clean and sober day! Have a great day everyone! 
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I felt totally fed up after I got home but now I’m sitting sober in my garden with Coops relaxing in the sun, and thinking I shouldn’t be feeling fed up I should be proud because I f***ing smashed today 
Your right about my friend, she demands and expects a lot from everyone, especially from me as I was her wine buddy, she seen today how serious I am about stopping drinking and i’m working my ass off to change, so it wouldn’t be a huge surprise if contact from her slowly started to dry up, but unfortunately I come first 
thanks for thinking about me today and the support it’s really appreciated
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You are doing really great ODAAT
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Beautiful reflection on today! You should be damn proud!!! Feeling fed up is totally valid after your experience at lunch. Not drinking about it, but choosing to instead take a pause, sit in your feelings and come to that conclusion is a huge step. 
Also a huge accomplishment to fucking smash today instead of getting fucking smashed!!! Great that you and Coops are soaking up the sun in the garden, I’m sure it is a much better time than you would have had sitting in that hot tub with a questionable friend! 
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Day 103, hmm what to say today. I guess all is going good, yep I overslept again today. But I’m up now and getting ready. Have class at 430, which is nice I’m looking forward to it, so far I haven’t had much home work which is ok i guess, but I’m sure were going to get hit with it pretty soon. I am super nervous, and hoping a tutor can help me get through it. I’ve been reading the chapters they gave for home work and trying to write what notes i think need to be. But its hard I can’t lie, i struggle like crazy. Im sure I’m not the only one who struggles tho. But yeah its a good day, just gonna chill and wait for class and then idk maybe go for a bike ride. Much love everyone
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Datw night was amazing. Watching a Sicilian show called the Hunter.
Our local pond water quality is back up, so spending labour day in the sun and swimming. Its hot as all heck here. Cats are so cute and happy.
Heard something yesterday that hit hard. Paraphrasing here but its like, it is always 100% unhealthy to dedicate your life so fully to another person, even if you created them, and not fill up your own tank. Edit: sorry if my rant makes this unclear as all shit, but I DO AGREE with this statement a hundo! Xo.
As a mom of small ones, and everything I wemt through with my nephew it was not always possible to take time for me. I wont rant here about how shit like this is so much deeper then this, and also frustratingly targeted at women - though women are straight conditioned to care for others. I wont go off, PROMISE LOL. But this has been hitting me lately, and I thibk something we need to remind women/moms of is, sometimes it wont be easy to find those moments…but they will come back, and when they do take them. Bestie and I already planning another sleepover and I cannot wait. Made some bew mom friends here, getting creative and I know that same as being sober/not drinking, my kids motivate me but they cannot be the whole story. I love my hubby, but I am more then his partner and wife. Im a daughter, sister and Auntie. And some days, that can and have gone on for months we have to dive so deep in those roles we HARDLY COME FOR AIR. We feel we are losing ourselves, and sometimes we do…but its part of life.
Lost to be found again or something like that. Have to know me, have to love me, have to make time for me. And I push back hard on the rhetoric like women always can; Nope, it aint fucking true. And I know men and dads may struggle witj that too, and not saying they dont but this kind of talk is always targeted at women and moms. Quit making us feel guilty af about it, and let us discover our roles. Some moms with new born babies have family around, a hubby who has flexible hours, mom groups near by or friends who also have babies and a baby who sleeps from small. But thats not reality fpr all moms, dare I say many moms? Its important to care for yourself, and sometimes that self care is just acknowledging hey right now I do not have much time so I got to focus on little ass things.
I said I wouldny and I did
I ranted.
Feels anazing to just SEE THINGS instead of feeling bad about me. Love ya’ll and happy 24 xo.
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I’ll remember that (smash the day, not yourself)
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I needed to hear that 🩵
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@rebabeeba hope you are feeling better. Grateful that it was just a dream and you are living your best sober life.
@catmancam Hey Camden, that was absolutely beautiful – made me cry. I am so happy to see that you opened up to yourself and showed so much love and compassion. I do hope your therapy session goes well today. Much love my friend.
@noshame grateful that you were able to have a serious conversation in what sounds like not the best emotional space but still were able to keep clear of your DOC’s. Grateful that you are both in a better mood today. Much love and strength to the both of you.
@Saturn81 A huge congrats my friend! You should pat yourself on the back and give yourself a big hug! I know it was not easy and with a “friend” like that it was down right an insane test. YOU did awesome and I am super proud of you. It is unfortunate but our sobriety journey opens up our eyes to those who are not in our corner – we definitely do not need these souls on our journey. You keep those who are cheering you on not chaining you down. Not unfortunately love – YOU DO COME FIRST! Glad you and Coops are enjoying the sun 
@juli1 Great to see you making your commitments and seeing them through. You are a ROCKSTAR my friend– love the new decisions you have made. Sending you strength to keep strong!
@butterflymoonwoman have a wonderful day of self care and time with your son. 
that someone does show up today – that would be really shitty planning on their part for not taking vacation days into account. Much love my friend – hope you are not having to endure an all nightery
@selflove_42 and hope that you are doing well my friend
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Thank you all, loved ones @JazzyS @CATMANCAM @Sabrina80 @Soberbilly @Qhob13 @Saturn81…
This is a picture of my cozy evening illumination.
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Checking in, day 62. Back to work and kids back/starting school tomorrow. First day on full time hours, went OK. Always a bit overwhelming with all the emails and going straight into meetings but I had enough energy to go to the gym so happy with that.
Crazy week this week, and my 15th wedding anniversary on Wednesday. We will be celebrating in between work and daughter’s football training 
Really nice to read everyone’s thoughts, and it feels like a lot of people are making progress. September always feels like a new start of year. I want to really capitalise on that momentum and everyone is really inspiring me here 
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I’ve not been checking in for a few days. I’m struggling with my health, GP has no answers, so now I’m waiting for more tests and an ultrasound referral. In the meantime trying to keep myself sane with over the counter painkillers. So my mood is quite low, has been for some days and that is the reason for me not checking in really.
But still sober, 182 days.
@CATMANCAM thank you so much. Your vulnerability is inspiring. Reading your letter and being allowed to be part of your journey prompted me to do this check in.
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