Day 103, hmm what to say today. I guess all is going good, yep I overslept again today. But I’m up now and getting ready. Have class at 430, which is nice I’m looking forward to it, so far I haven’t had much home work which is ok i guess, but I’m sure were going to get hit with it pretty soon. I am super nervous, and hoping a tutor can help me get through it. I’ve been reading the chapters they gave for home work and trying to write what notes i think need to be. But its hard I can’t lie, i struggle like crazy. Im sure I’m not the only one who struggles tho. But yeah its a good day, just gonna chill and wait for class and then idk maybe go for a bike ride. Much love everyone
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Datw night was amazing. Watching a Sicilian show called the Hunter.
Our local pond water quality is back up, so spending labour day in the sun and swimming. Its hot as all heck here. Cats are so cute and happy.
Heard something yesterday that hit hard. Paraphrasing here but its like, it is always 100% unhealthy to dedicate your life so fully to another person, even if you created them, and not fill up your own tank. Edit: sorry if my rant makes this unclear as all shit, but I DO AGREE with this statement a hundo! Xo.
As a mom of small ones, and everything I wemt through with my nephew it was not always possible to take time for me. I wont rant here about how shit like this is so much deeper then this, and also frustratingly targeted at women - though women are straight conditioned to care for others. I wont go off, PROMISE LOL. But this has been hitting me lately, and I thibk something we need to remind women/moms of is, sometimes it wont be easy to find those moments…but they will come back, and when they do take them. Bestie and I already planning another sleepover and I cannot wait. Made some bew mom friends here, getting creative and I know that same as being sober/not drinking, my kids motivate me but they cannot be the whole story. I love my hubby, but I am more then his partner and wife. Im a daughter, sister and Auntie. And some days, that can and have gone on for months we have to dive so deep in those roles we HARDLY COME FOR AIR. We feel we are losing ourselves, and sometimes we do…but its part of life.
Lost to be found again or something like that. Have to know me, have to love me, have to make time for me. And I push back hard on the rhetoric like women always can; Nope, it aint fucking true. And I know men and dads may struggle witj that too, and not saying they dont but this kind of talk is always targeted at women and moms. Quit making us feel guilty af about it, and let us discover our roles. Some moms with new born babies have family around, a hubby who has flexible hours, mom groups near by or friends who also have babies and a baby who sleeps from small. But thats not reality fpr all moms, dare I say many moms? Its important to care for yourself, and sometimes that self care is just acknowledging hey right now I do not have much time so I got to focus on little ass things.
I said I wouldny and I did
I ranted.
Feels anazing to just SEE THINGS instead of feeling bad about me. Love ya’ll and happy 24 xo.
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I’ll remember that (smash the day, not yourself) 
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I needed to hear that 🩵
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@rebabeeba hope you are feeling better. Grateful that it was just a dream and you are living your best sober life.
@catmancam Hey Camden, that was absolutely beautiful – made me cry. I am so happy to see that you opened up to yourself and showed so much love and compassion. I do hope your therapy session goes well today. Much love my friend. 
@noshame grateful that you were able to have a serious conversation in what sounds like not the best emotional space but still were able to keep clear of your DOC’s. Grateful that you are both in a better mood today. Much love and strength to the both of you.
@Saturn81 A huge congrats my friend! You should pat yourself on the back and give yourself a big hug! I know it was not easy and with a “friend” like that it was down right an insane test. YOU did awesome and I am super proud of you. It is unfortunate but our sobriety journey opens up our eyes to those who are not in our corner – we definitely do not need these souls on our journey. You keep those who are cheering you on not chaining you down. Not unfortunately love – YOU DO COME FIRST! Glad you and Coops are enjoying the sun 
@juli1 Great to see you making your commitments and seeing them through. You are a ROCKSTAR my friend– love the new decisions you have made. Sending you strength to keep strong!
@butterflymoonwoman have a wonderful day of self care and time with your son. 
that someone does show up today – that would be really shitty planning on their part for not taking vacation days into account. Much love my friend – hope you are not having to endure an all nightery
@selflove_42 and hope that you are doing well my friend
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Thank you all, loved ones @JazzyS @CATMANCAM @Sabrina80 @Soberbilly @Qhob13 @Saturn81…
This is a picture of my cozy evening illumination.
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Checking in, day 62. Back to work and kids back/starting school tomorrow. First day on full time hours, went OK. Always a bit overwhelming with all the emails and going straight into meetings but I had enough energy to go to the gym so happy with that.
Crazy week this week, and my 15th wedding anniversary on Wednesday. We will be celebrating in between work and daughter’s football training 
Really nice to read everyone’s thoughts, and it feels like a lot of people are making progress. September always feels like a new start of year. I want to really capitalise on that momentum and everyone is really inspiring me here 
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I’ve not been checking in for a few days. I’m struggling with my health, GP has no answers, so now I’m waiting for more tests and an ultrasound referral. In the meantime trying to keep myself sane with over the counter painkillers. So my mood is quite low, has been for some days and that is the reason for me not checking in really.
But still sober, 182 days.
@CATMANCAM thank you so much. Your vulnerability is inspiring. Reading your letter and being allowed to be part of your journey prompted me to do this check in.
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Try to check in regardless of your mood friend. Good days and bad ones. We’re in this together. I’m glad to see you. Get better soon. 
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Congratulations!!! I have a ‘friend’ like that, and I’m sure I’ve been that ‘friend’. A v tough situation and you nailed it!!!
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Thanks 
I tend to keep myself to myself when the depressive mood hits me. I know I shouldn’t, but still I do…
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Checking in.
Just as my holidays started I think I caught sth at work… so annoying…trying to counteract and hope its not too bad bc Im planning on taking a city trip.
Today I have messaged an old friend (never had an addiction problem) that reached out after three years to rekindle our friendship… said that i dont want to pursue that anymore. We met three times recently and it was… idk…he is so lovely but it didnt make me feel so good by of my bad teenage years.
I tried to explain that to him in my message. Our friendship was a light in the tunnel of my teenage years, but i have left those painful times behind me, with a lot of work.
Rekindling a relationship that is tied closely to that time turned out to not make me feel so good even if i really love that friend. I wrote a message explaining that and telling them that it wasnt personal, that ill always treasure the friendship and hold it in my heart, that im proud of them and believe in them, even if I am on another path now, you get it.
I am tempted to feel bad and guilty for it, but until now its very managable. Ive been working on grounding myself in the moment so… Im telling myself that I dont have to feel bad. Even though it must be painful for my friend. (Thankfully he’s in therapy so Im sure he’ll have support to deal with it in a healthy way).
The old friend is a lovely soul who has really bad parents and still stayed strong and achieves so much… Really sucks that I had to tell him that. Especially when he reached out to me after years…
but also Im pretty sure maybe we both felt that it wasnt the same anymore?
It sucks and is hurtful but… thats just the truth and I had to say it. I really tried to get across how much I cherished them and all that.
Idk if I will get a bad answer or no answer or an understanding one… i have anxiety to open my messenger to see what he might have responded. But its not as bad as i expected.
I used to put a lot into how others would react, but now im focusing more on my health and my peace.
Should he react badly or ghost me, than thats okay. I cant do more than take care of myself and be truthful about what’s good for me and what isn’t.
Feels bad but i know im taking care of myself.
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Thank you Oh yes definitely I I’ve been that "friend " too and I understand her not believing me when I’m saying I’m stopping, I’ve said it a million times over, but that’s the first time we’ve went out for lunch and I’ve not touched a drink, yet still poked and prodded for me to have wine. I sat this afternoon thinking about the times I’ve done that to people too, “aw just have 1 more” and so on, now I know how that feels on the receiving end especially if your not a big drinker, lesson’s learned today
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Check in 17 days. Enjoying sobriety. Got up and golfed at 7:20 am with my Dad. Woke up on time feeling well, had time to stop for coffee, practiced a few putts before the others arrived. Played decent and felt good all day. Grateful and just trying to notice even small improvements. Onward TS crew! 
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Checking in. Over 8 months sober in the bag now and feel very proud. The kids go back to school wednesday and for the first time ever i was sober and present for them the whole school holidays. Weve had an amazing time together. Im glad we had that together as a family and building lasting memories finally.
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@CATMANCAM I love the letter you wrote to yourself 
what a good thing to do!!!
Day 7 here.
Less tired and definitely more focused
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Checking in
399 days no booze
17 days no tobacco
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Turns out I’ve got pneumonia. So another few days off of work at least. I’m glad I have some sick hours. But I am still losing tips for the week. Oh well. It’ll be ok as long as I’m not sick on my daughter’s birthday
Day 330 sober
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Just doing a night check in. Felt nice bc someone from the work phone at twin oaks messaged me and said hey were having a cook out and Natasha is making her famous pies so we wanted to let you know. I was honestly kind of in aww bc i was there for a year and never seen them do that for anyone who left, I can’t lie i felt special and just happy. So i went over after class and ate some food and had some of that famous pie. It was so good and i’m so full.
We have some homework do this Sunday, i have to write a letter to my future self and that will be cool, i will use the writing tutors for that. I held back my hus 101 teacher and asked her if the accommodation proffers had gotten ahold of her yet and she said she did receive the email and will look into tonight. Idk guys i know ive expressed this a bunch already, but ive read this professors chapter like 3 times now and I can’t really recite any of it, and thats with writing down important notes and that really just bugs me. And worries me, i don’t know how else to retain what I’m reading. Im starting to have some pretty negative self talk because of it. And i don’t want to seem like a baby but i feel like one. But yeah much love, tonight was good other wise and I hope you all had wonderful evenings.
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