Day 6.
It has been pretty rough to this point. Hoping everyone has a good sober day 
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Hi Mno,
TL;DR the same old story: āI stayed sober for sooo long, what could possibly happen? I am in control now and one weekend of fun wonāt hurt!ā
Longer version:
Each year, some friends and I go on a camping trip to nearby Belgium, to āenjoyā some beers, food, talks and, if the weather permits, a canoe trip. This year I had initially planned to stay sober and tell everyone in advance about my decision. The closer the date of the trip came, the more I wanted to have a drink again, as I thought this was part of the tradition, that it would help relax, that the talks would be better etc etc. On the day of the trip itself - my 200th day of sobriety -, I was really looking forward to having a beer, still believing that I could enjoy this one weekend with booze and then continue on my sober journey without any problems. The weekend was pleasant, everyone was having a blast including me. We had some drinks, but no one got wasted, although I felt a bit hung over the next mornings. We left on Sunday morning and I was looking forward to not drink again soon, I was still convinced that I could go on with the casual drink here and there. And in fact I stayed sober until the next weekend, when I met with my best buddy at a restaurant. Instead of ordering the alcohol-free beer, I ordered a regular and another one and some shot afterwards. I convinced my friend to visit a local bar that we both hadnāt been to for several years, and had several more large beers. Hangover was not that bad the next morning, I even hit the gym and had quite a good day. But the voice was back in the back of my head and it grew stronger each time I allowed myself to slip. Last week, I only had one day without a drink, top was two bottles of wine on Friday. I felt terrible afterwards, as I had promised myself to never be in this place again.
Luckily I did not decide to continue this path, but came back here, to my TS family. Itās strange that the better I was doing in my sobriety, the less I had the feeling that I would still need being part of this wonderful group. Thatās the problem with routines, after a while you get used to the changes and no longer remember what initially helped you be where you are now. I am pretty sure that Iāll stay sober for a long while again, but I will need to change my mindset to remind myself that I canāt control the demon inside of me. As @HoofHearted
had pointed out, I canāt win the fight against my demon, I have to remember that each drink will bring me back to that dark place I was so lucky to get away from in the last months.
Sorry for the long text, but perhaps someone with a comparable situation might not fall into the same old trap as I did after reading my story.
A good Sunday to all of you!
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Hey all, checking in on day 1155. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 967,
Just came across 1313, while I initially wanted to start a rant. Not totally into this but it sure makes sense somehow. There are no quick gains for what Iām going through and certainly no quick fixes
When you see angel number 1313, take it as a divine sign from your guardian angels that spiritual growth and the powers of manifestation are fully behind you . Itās a number that encourages fresh starts, surrendering to the process, and keeping a positive mindset as you move toward what you want.
Greetz,
Rob
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Iāve been feeling a bit disconnected from this forum and Iāve finally admitted to myself the reason. I had said at one point that I was no longer counting days as I felt it wasnāt helpful to me but to be absolutely honest it was because I bought some wine at a festival and ended up drinking the whole bottle while I made my Saturday night pizzas. That was the first week in June so my sober streak is only 71 days today. Iāve just admitted this to my daughter and she gave me a big hug.
The truth is it didnāt really do anything for me. I didnāt really feel drunk or hungover but I couldnāt help but drink the whole lot. Iām just glad I didnāt get the notion to go out and buy more wine as has happened in the past.
There, thatās a weight off!
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I miss it too, I was just thinking about it the other day actually because I had something to share! Letās get back on the morning pages, but I do understand it gets hard to continue with it because it is time consuming. I did it for about two months before I stopped. But now I know I can always go back to it. 16,500 is great. I would be feeling sleepy too especially if I had to take care of little ones as well. Iāll be around a bit more here because this performance is off my plate and I can focus on other projects now!
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@Cjp you can do it! Belated congrats on double digits 
@Amy30 belated happy anniversary 
such a cool way to celebrate it 
@Charlie_C this made me smile this morning 
big congrats on quadruple digits
@Hisharleyquinn1318 sorry about the depression 
sending strength š©µ but congrats on 60 days
@JazzyS ah, there lies the confusion, I call them pencil crayons, and the wax ones I call wax crayons 
I donāt have any wax ones. Will look into the sleeves. Sorry you canāt find you passport, Iād be frustrated too 
sorry also for the pain youāre in I do hope the resting helped š©µ
@GenG belated congrats on 40 days
@BJonns @Cloudy welcome back both keep trying.
@Alycia I love your background photo 
congrats on 500 days
@Binx sending strength š©µ I can relate to the anxiety and itās attacks I hope your doctor can help 
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@Mindofsobermike congrats on 80 days I hope you, your girls and their friend are all enjoying camping 
@Wakikki you are not stupid or weak, you are suffering with a debilitating illness, maybe a doctor could help? Personally, I am on medication, but I also meditate 3 times a day, just for 10mins each time, most of the time, I feel better afterwards. Walking also helps me a lot. Sending strength š©µ
@Mischa84 well done for playing the tape through 
sending strength š©µ
@Katiee sorry the anxiety is high sending strength š©µ
@Timetochange congrats on 50 days
@MrsOdh substances are sneaky like that, glad itās gone. If thereās any vodka left, pour that out too. Iām sure youāll fair better without having any around weāll done for having the conversations with your loved ones about it too. š©µ
@zzz sorry about the reset I enjoy your posts if it helps, stay connected š©µ I am so happy to read you didnāt relapse, like Mno, I was also thinking thatās what the ā0ā meant 
@AlexWayhill sorry about the reset stay connected š©µ
@Deelzebub congrats on your honesty sorry about the reset but congrats also on 71 days glad you were able to get right back on track
1097 days no alcohol.
562 days no cocaine.
77 days no vape.
Checking in for yesterday, fell asleep whilst catching-upā¦
My leg is even better today, Iāve walked 3.65 miles accordong to my fitness tracker watch, and I havenāt even been for any walk walks, just the walking to catch the bus to drumming and back, and back out to the opticians and home, because Iām not getting on with my new sunglasses so Iāve ordered new lenses to be fitted in my old sunglasses that I love, will collect them on the 21st, I canāt wait!
I was initially the only person at the drumming workshop this week, I think they thought no one was coming because when I arrived they hadnāt even taken the drums out of their car. But we got them out, and then a lady came with her 3yo son, they stayed a while then suddenly she packed their stuff up, picked her son up, and walked away, she did say āweāll be back in a minuteā but they didnāt return. I donāt know why it isnāt more popular, I love it! Iām sad that itās over. I do hope they run something in the winter 
Iām resting my leg on ice again now. My cats are sleeping next to me.
I reached out to Safe Soulmates to ask about upcoming meet-ups, and thereās a other āquietā one next Friday, so Iāve put my name down for that and Iāve booked my train tickets. So thatās something to look forward to.
I feel like Iām setting myself free from my cage of isolation, bit by bit, and it is exciting!
š©µ
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That is fantastic Alycia! Great milestone!
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Day 211.
Iām freaking out. There. I said it. Both big August events are done and dusted and Wednesday Iām going back to the homeland where weāre staying for at least 3 months. Probably more if the beaurocratic gods smile upon us.
In plain English, this means Iāll be living very close to my family. Likeā¦ basically next door to my parents. On one hand, Iām looking forward to taking a break from the constant travelling. On the otherā¦ Iām gonna be very close to people and places Iāve spent the past decade or so running away from. And I am freaking out.
Itās not all bad, I wanna be closer to my mom, but the whole emotional baggage is difficult to swallow. Iāll probably need to go back to weekly therapy. Or something. I donāt know fam, Iām tired. So so tired.
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Day 2*
Reset for weed, no place in this journey. I have found a lovely group of sober people I meet with in-person that are helping me recommit to recovery. Which is needed because my head is full of lies. I do not have the same destruction and desperation in my life that made it so simple to choose sobriety before. I have many nights where I have just a couple. I am no longer active in my ED. I finally have the first job I feel I can stay at indefinitely. There has never been better communication and understanding in my relationship.
Bullshit. Just because my drinking has been less severe (lately) than before does not mean it is normal. My drinking will never be normal. Just because I am not acting on my ED does not mean my thinking around this is healthy - the appearance-dependent self-esteem and body issues have not been addressed. I will lose this job if I continue in addiction. My progress in life will always be less if I continue to prioritize and fight to make alcohol a part of my life.
I remember feeling so exhausted by āthe workā the last time. Like, after almost two years of group therapy, trauma therapy, IOP, reading, listening, learning, growingā¦ How is there more to do? How do I have so much fucked-upness to unfuck? When am I done?
God, how lucky I feel now to have made any progress at all with any of that. Where would I be now if I had kept fighting for myself? Yes, it sucked. It was hard and uncomfortable but it was working. I was moving forward. Instead Iāve been wasting time fighting for what? To keep poisoning myself? To keep postponing my growth? Like living in active addiction isnāt hard work as well it just has the added bonus of also not getting me anywhere but in a hole. Haha arenāt we all depressed and anxious and cope with drugs, thatās normal. Nope, finally done normalizing my mess. I donāt ever want to be done with the work. The most I can ask for in my life is the gift to keep growing and healing. How wonderful that would be. Back to it, ready to work. Slow and steady.
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Ahh, the old āI can control my drinking nowā one! Addictionās oldest trick in the book. One of its strongest too. Thanks for explaining. Good youāre back.
The only control I have is to not have one drop ever again. And to stay connected to my sober tribe. Which for me is right here.
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Sophie, this was me. So often I didnāt have a reason. That frustrated me so much.
To do such a self-destructive thing over and over for NO reason made NO sense. Certainly there was some childhood trauma I was burying. Eventually I understood the reason to be āI am an alcoholicā. That is the reason.
This!! My husband doesnāt drink. Thankfully! People can bring liquor to my house but they canāt leave it or i will throw it out. I donāt even feel slightly bad about this rule. I can NOT have it around. Period. When I was first getting sober I wouldnāt allow it at all.
Wishing you well today. I hope your family is understanding.
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Congratulations on your 50 days! And btw I love my lemonade nowadays 
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Thatās exactly my plan for the future: not have another drop and to stay connected, both off- and online. Nice to know we have our tribe and are not in this alone!
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Glad youāre still here. And Iām sorry you have to go through all this. But itās good seeing you making plans to protect your sobriety next time. Itās relatively easy to quit drinking for some time but to keep sobriety is the tough part and it needs strategies and tools for any situation. Iām working on it and so do you and so does anyone here . You can make it. One day at a time!
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Thank you for posting your story @AlexWayhill. Itās a great reminder never to take sobriety for granted. Eye opener to me!
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Thanks for reading and you are very welcome 
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Morning Check In
18 WHOLE MONTHS
Good morning TS fam! Hope everyone is doing faaaaantastic today! Today i am celebrating 18 months clean and sober from all mind altering substances. I couldnt be more grateful honestly. Thankful to God and to all of you as my main support in recovery. Being a part of TS truly has made all the difference in the world.
Today i am working. Should be a fairly quiet day. Will probably have time to attend my Sunday online worship service since my client isnt home right now. I did my morning routine on the way to work. Feeling good and refreshed now! Once home, i have to do some laundry, make supper, and relax. Thats about it for my day! Hope everyone has a great addiction free day! 
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Awe im so excited for u too! I love that ur getting out more and fighting off that isolation. Grateful that ur leg is feeling better too! That probably helps alot to just feel better overall 
Hope u have a great day today!
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