Im so glad that u opened up about what happened. That must not have been easy. But i can see how holding that in could create some distance between u and the forum, with that feeling of disconnect. Im glad ur still here and im glad u have 71 days!! Thats awesome!
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Sophia I am so sorry love ā it could be the stress of going back to work, the availability of alcohol and the celebrating your 30 daysā¦ the important thing is that you are back on track and will be more vigilant! No alcohol in the house is a great start for sure. Hopefully with going back to work tomorrow will help with the change in routine. I know our first gut instinct is to punish ourselves but you really canāt accomplish anything this way. Learn from it and add more provisions to make sure it doesnāt happen again. I do know that when I find something to be super easy I tend to let my guard down ā glad you did not suffer from your first 30 days but do know that we will always have to be aware of our surroundings and our DOC. Sending you love and comfort my friend ā stay hydrated today. Sending you strength for your talk with your kids ā I know that cant be an easy discussion. Grateful the discussion went well ā onwards to a the new plan!
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Day 316
I was up too late yesterday and slept almost until noon 
The whole day is kinda off when that happens. I know why, I was experimenting with the dosage of the supplements I take. If you take too much it makes you anxious and wide awake, and yep that happened. I learned my lesson. Now Iām fine and pretty relaxed. I like calmer music, no techno or EBM at the moment. I think thatās a good sign.
I managed to vacuum my apartment and also made chocolate muffins and added some pecan nuts, they turnt out yum 
Cooking for tomorrow later and reading one of the books I bought. I didnāt do that in ages because I couldnāt concentrate. I had to read one sentence 2-3x until it was in my head 
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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@geng Oh so glad to hear that ā I do hope that the effects wear off soon for you. I hear ya on not knowing which is worse ā itch or pain. Iāve had the itching non stop since Nov ā21 and some days the intensity is too much (like yesterday) ā I look like a rabid monkey ā thank goodness no one was around to see. Its bearable to today so Iām grateful
@kipper sorry Mike ā I know that my go to would be my DOC after having a argument or altercation ā grateful that you stayed strong. I do hope you are able to mend things and have a wonderful Sunday together.
@timetochange Congrats on 50 days!! DD for life ā I love it! Plus you know that you and your loved ones are safeā¦ I canāt believe all the risks I took while under the influence. Grateful that nothing bad happened.
@mishca84 thank you!! A bit better today. I do hope that you were able to have a lovely Sunday with family 
@zzz Iām so sorry that you have been feeling this way for so long. I canāt speak on others but I have enjoyed reading your posts and am learning so much from them. I do hope that you continue to post either here or on your personal thread. If this is helping you then please do not stop. Just read your update on not wanting to do personal thread and that makes sense ā the check in thread is your home thread and I do appreciate seeing your posts here. I feel like the check in thread is for everyone to come to daily and just unite with each other. Think you are checking in just perfectly and hope you continue to do so.
@alexwayhill Welcome to day 1 my friend ā love the positive attitude and wishing you a wonderful sober journey ahead. Thank you for sharing your story ā So important for us to be reminded to stay connected to whatever has helped keep us sober as this is a lifelong battle.
@thumper1213 Welcome back at day 6! I do hope that it becomes easier for you. Are you doing anything irl to help keep you sober? Stay connected here ā Iāve found this community to be super helpful for my mental and physical health.
@deelzebub Congrats on your 71 days and thankyou for releasing today. Glad you feel the weight off. Grateful that the one time did not lead to many more. Grateful to see you back and posting!
@catmancam AAAH ā thank you for clarifying ā that makes more sense now.
This is so beautiful to read!!! So excited for you! ā glad you got to the drumming and I am shocked its not more popular ā hope they do have a winter session. Grateful that your leg is feeling better and you were able to walk so much. Happy Sunday dear friend
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Glad to see you here, sorry about the circumstances but just know you have friends here 
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Thank you.
I talked a lot with be best friend today as well.
He made it pretty easy. I didnāt see it that way before today.
Before I started to drink or maybe somewhere in between I had a drug addiction. Back and forth for a very very long time. Heās been by my side for the last 20 years and have seen it all. He simply asked my if I would be able to have my other DOC at home and not use it.
I said of course not. And then he asked me why I thought that I could have alcohol at home then.
Iām not as upset with myself as I was this morning after all the conversations Iāve had today. Both here and in real life.
Pretty sure I needed this wake up call because I thought it was easier than it actually is. And making it harder for my self that way. Exactly the same reason I couldnāt keep it up last time, and the same reason for not being able to stay sober for longer this time.
I needed a better plan,and a reality check I guess.
Iām feeling well again, thanks to all of you. And because of all the work I actually did today.
Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. I appreciate that. Wishing you a wonderful Sunday.
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Checking in for day 20.
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Sorry, I donāt understand Your question. In comparison to my surroundings. I been told that from others many many times. You know I feel strange trying to explain you this. I never liked when people say me you different. Tried my best to stay in shadow. Never got lucky doing so. Not hiding anymore. Doing what needs to be done. There some things that is hard to explain and I donāt want to dig deep hereā¦
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Day 45 - Alcohol.
Day 1 - Marijuana
Day 1 - Cigarettes.
Craving for a smoke. Trying to stay distracted. The really bad withdrawals will kick in soon. The next few days will be tough, but I can do this.
I have started writing down my thoughts in a diary app, and trying out some breathing exercises. I am planning to start meditation sessions soon. I wish I could go for walks but my ankle is still sore.
I am also trying AI chat bots. There are too many things in my life I am not comfortable sharing with anyone else. Chat bots are perfect. Much better than my shrink.
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Day 50, checking in twice. Quite isolated in Cornwall, more so when rhe weather is bad and Iām stuck inside . Hopefully have a quiet week ahead . Sober for life . Thatās my aspiration every day.
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Checking in on day 49. Hope you all have a great day! 
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@amy30 that is a lot to unpack and deal with ā I am wishing you strength my friend . I hope that you are able to use the tools you have gathered to help you deal with being close to what you have been avoiding. Maybe now these things / people / places wonāt be able to get to you like before (hereās hoping). Weekly therapy to start might be beneficial ā do know we will be here for you as well. Wishing you an easy transition back to your homeland.
@ceeds grateful to see you back and fighting for a better healthier life. I know that the journey can get a bit tiring at times and the constant work needed to stay ahead of our DOC can be exhausting. I applaud you for turning up again for you and for putting in the hard work. ODAAT
@butterflymoonwoman WOOT WOOT!!! Hell yeah Dana ā congrats on your amazing 18 months of being addiction free! So very proud of all your efforts and successes!
Love that your friend was able to put it so clearly. Grateful that you were able to talk this through with him, your family and all of us here! Glad that you are not upset with yourself but have learned from this and are making plans / changes moving forward to protect your sobriety. Nothing worth having ever comes easily. Much love Sophia -
@pagan well done on all your timersāWOW day 1 for marijuana and cigs! Stay strong my friend. Are you doing both cold turkey or do you have patches / Nicorette gum orā¦? Breathing exercises and keeping busy is best. Iāve recently read that switching up your routines is key in re-wiring your brain so that you donāt associate the smoking with your activities. Wishing you strength! Sorry your ankle is still sore ā hope it gets better soon.
Checking in on Sunday afternoon -
I have had a decent enough day so far - all my symptoms are manageable. Just popped over to the Diner to see my cousin and her family (1st time seeing them during this visit). Grateful to have had the time and energy to do so. Iām about to tidy up the kitchen - get some food for me since i couldnāt eat out and then relax with a movieā¦ i am surprised that i am feeling sleepy after consuming so much coffee - i do hope i make it through the movie LOL. Hope Sunday is nice and relaxing for everyone. Wishing you all a positively charged addiction free day - sending much love
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Day 160
Sober walk at Belvoir Castle gardens. Fun fact: the locals pronounce it Beaver castle. Just like the rodent 
@MrsOdh sending you strength and hugs, Iām glad you are still here
@zzz sorry you feel misunderstood in this forum sometimes. But remember, the only person that you have to please is yourself! I admit I donāt have the time to read through your long topics most of the time. Or anybodies super long posts, really. But I get a lot of joy out of your gifs. I am a very visual person of not many words. Keep it coming!
@Deelzebub Congratulations on your 71 days and thank you for opening up and sharing. None of us can do it alone, thatās why we are all here
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Day 34 check inā¦ Iām mad. Angry. Sad. Just woke up crummy literally mad I canāt drink anymore. That Iām an alcoholic. Mad I am sober 
I know itās the right decision. I know Iāll never go back. But, I just woke up and missed it. Iām going to a Padres game in a few hours and Iām mad I canāt have my usual $20 beers. I am gonna shower and scream and get over it. Feeling emotions sober sucks!!! Iāll sit in it for a little while longer and move on.
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so my family has been fighting a lot lately and yesterday my mom and her siblings decided to have a talk without all of the kids (even tho weāre all pretty much adults now ). apparently my family has deemed that I am a problem and I never say hi or bye and that Iām rude and Iāve hurt them. never mind the constant shit theyāve told me. they are constantly putting me down with passing aggressive comments. they also made straight up lies about me. my aunt claimed that I called her a nazi. and that I told her daughters school friend (we go to different schools) that she was homophobic.
they said that from now on if we feel like someone said/ did something wrong we say it right away. which fine for the adults but when I talk to my aunt about anything she did that I donāt like I get yelled at and told itās not my place. so basically itās fair game for her to say shit about me but I know damn well I have no power to say anything without making things worse.
so now we have made a rule that in order to be more focused on each other weāll have no technology on Saturdays. which on itās own is fine but distracting myself is the only way I get through Saturdays. and Iām incredibly anxious when I donāt have access to communication with my friends because I want to know that they are okay. I donāt know what to do. I canāt deal with them anymore Iām so tired of being the problem. I donāt want to see them but my grandpa is the only person I have on my side
Iāve always felt isolated from my family but I thought at least part of it was in my head. at least now I know they see me as the problem. Iāve never felt so isolated and hopeless
apparently they also are expecting an apology from me. my aunt is expecting an apology from me from those things that never happened. and my uncle is wanting me to apologize for telling my therapist when he molested me( which led to social workers being called over 6 years ago) nobody is getting an apology but itās baffling that they actually think they deserve one
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Off to Tokyo in nov three nights the going on cruise
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This old fart will be big 37 in 4 weeks
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Wow, that sounds so tough. Do you need to see all of your family so regularly? I will be honest, that would have driven me crazy to spend so much time together and we all got on (probably because we didnāt see each other all the time!)
It sounds like the power balance is all off. Are you allowed to step back and just see your Grandad separately?
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