I wanted to just reach out and hug you, because that family stuff all sounds very toxic. It can be hard lovinf people who do not know how to love or love in a harmful way and way that hurts you. I have been on a lifelong journey with my own family and issues of dysfunction (and me thinking it was all sooooo normal), and even now at 36 I am going through another upheaval and the whole of my dads side of family will not speak to me. Truth be told, we were a limited family in quotation marks and my sister was treated very badly by them - after she died and watching her death be used and mistreatment of her son, I did not hold back my words or engage in my usual âacceptanceâ of other and quiet boundaries. My parents are separated, and I have had these talks with my mom (we have been FAMILY and we speak a lot more, and it was difficult but these talks have been ongoing), but I had never spoken to my dad about anything before - never. I was only prepared to address things with him, and it was a big deal and someone within the family wrnt through his phone and read his messages and now I have been cut out. I know a part of me is sad, but a part of me feels this was a long time in tbe making and I do not want people in my lofe who are not healthy, who I cannot trust and who I do not trust to not hurt mg children or my nephew (part of the issue I brought up).
Anyway, i did not mean to make this about me but I remember what it was like to be 21 and loving my family despite how much they hurt me. I never imagined saying goodbye to any of them (though after sharing stories with others in private sober/therapeutic spaces, it has come up that perhaps it would be best). My mom and dad both came to my daughters birthday and stayed the weekend, and there may be a lot of problems there BUT they both love me. They both were willing to hear me out and hear out my pain in how growing up effected me (were the convos always smoothâŚno, but they are human too), and I can see how they both are trying. The rest of my âfamilyâ from my dads side cut me out just like that (and my messages to my dad were just me recollecting instances of issues or talking about current issues around my nephew, no name calling or being vileâŚI mean I would have worded it differently if I knew it was going to be a family news bulletin, but I know no matter how I worded it addressing the wrong of this other person or persons was never acceptable. They are never wrong and never apologize, and my sister and myself have been stonewalled out of the family several timesâŚone time simply because she got pregnantâŚat the age of like 26âŚit was terrible and horrible, and she never got over the pain of beinf abandoned by her family and so deeply jusged during a time she was so happy to become a momâŚ)
You should not have to apologize to anyone. You are being made to be shamed and tbe black sheep. You should not be in your uncles presence at all, and the fact thar you are is harminf you and your trust of what is supposed to be your family. Im sorry that I rambled. Xo.
Checking in on day 1. Itâs been a long time since Iâve been on here.
Getting through the day sober wonât be a problem, but getting through the hangover feels impossible. I had a major binge last night, and I am so, so, sick today. Currently running on three hours sleep because I was up all night with extreme anxiety. Now I have started puking.
I canât keep doing this to myself. I wonât keep doing this to myself.
Please stay on topicâŚchecking in. The back and forth is not for here, take it to a PM. The forum is experiencing some issues or the off topic back and forth would be moved to derailment. Once the issues are remedied, we will move out the off topic discussion. Please do your part in keeping the thread on topic. Thanks!!
Morning Check In Day 547
Good morning TS!!! Hows everyone today?
This morning has been good Went for an early workout and then relaxed watching Minecraft videos with my son. Just about to get this day going now. Its going to be a scorcher out there today so we are going to stay inside. Basically my day consists of cleaning, working on my DBT book, and relaxing with my boy. Hope everyone has a great day!
I had a great day at work.
My boss did a quick visit but she didnât even talked to me.
Iâm supposed to have a key so I can close the pre-school house every Monday as scheduled. My boss havenât fixed any key,or papers needed to get one.
Also me and one of my colleagues who has been there for over a year, but also only have a contract until Christmas, asked my boss if weâre going to stay for next semester too. Because this group works so well together and itâll get us a chance to plan better and create a working routine already. My boss simply said âWell,your all employeed by the city,as preschool teachers, which means that you can be placed wherever thereâs a need. None of you are tied to a specific workplaceâ which means that it doesnât matter if you have a permanent employment or is hired per hour as I am. Not sure sheâs allowed to do that,but she is doing it anyway.
My colleagues told be before I left that they had a great day with me there. And that I fit if perfectly in the group, both with my colleagues and the kids. And that theyâre looking forward to have me there.
The also said that they knew it was going to be a hit. And that they wished for me to come there and work with them when my boss asked about who they wanted.
But in the end it was still between me and another girl who Actually have what we call a permanent employment.
So glad that I got it. Iâve also already said yes to work a few extra days at that place, despite my plan of working only two days a week. Finally it feels good and fun to go to work again. It feels like Iâm faking working under this conditions, this schedule and in this extremely positive and uplifting environment with so many amazing and helpful people.
Thatâs all for today. Hope yâall had a great Monday.
Day 3*
Received a message from my bossâs boss today thanking me for my leadership and hard work on growing my team. It felt good to be acknowledged when everything has been so intense there lately.
Put myself on a couple of wait lists for psych help and feel anxious about starting this process again. Iâve had a hard time staying in the moment lately. Slow and steady.
Day 19. My time is starting to stack thankfully. Iâll see 3 weeks soon. There would have been a time where that would have been impossible. I learned a lot during my last attempt that is carrying me through these early days. I have times where a couple of beers would go down very nicely. But I click forward 12 hours and think about how I would feel, how I felt in the past. The Anxiety the need to be alone and just sink a few cans to feel normal again. I will count my time in months soon.
Can I just quickly reach out to those on day 1âs and 2âs? This too will pass. Give it a couple of days, hydrate and try get some exercise. Iâve been there many times and only 19 days agoâŚ
Welcome back. Glad youâre making the most important choice for yourself right now. Please take good care through your withdrawals and seek medical attention if youâre concerned.
Ah I am sorry, I am still getting used to plat form and even being online. Is it okay to respond to a persons post, or should you just like it and PM? I realized my post responses to some people are long but want to respond. I will try to rekember about back and forth and staying on topic and will not be offended if my comments get the boot!
Simetimes people paraphrase or misquote. Not a big deal! Its okay to speak about literature you arent an expert in! That would like saying you cant speak on the Bible if you havent studied itâŚits just not so. I have studied the BB, and am 16 years in to my journey and just now being exposed to new quit litâŚ
For English not being your 1st language you speak incredibly well! My husband is always missaying certain expressuons, and my mother in law has a difficult time conveying things in English. Nothing wrong with it Keep your post Aware is a beautiful word too Xo.
Day 82. Well camping so far has been good and a little stressful, the girls brought theyâre friend and its been nice but they really donât get along lol. I guess thatâs to be expected a little bit right. But i did teach there friend how to ride without training wheels yesterday and i did work on getting my youngest off her training wheels as well, i rode my e-bike from camp into town so i could make my group and do my parenting class. It was a nice 10 mile bike ride, now iâm at my apartment letting my bike and phone charge a little so i can make it back. All is good tho i suppose, tomorrow i have a one on one with my counselor at nine in the morning so ill have to leave early to make that as well. I just hope things keep going smooth while camping, Iâm not sure if bringing there friend was a good idea, i might run it by my mom and see if maybe we should bring her back a couple days early. Idk but i hope everyone is having a good day, there isnât any service so probably wont here from me until tomorrow so much love everyone ttyl
You can definitely respond. It becomes an issue when it becomes a back and forth discussion. When that happens, it would be helpful to move your conversation to a PM or to a new topicâŚotherwise it âderailsâ the original intent of the threadâŚwhich is for members to check in.
Hope that makes sense and I appreciate you asking for clarification.
Gah sorry if I am misusing and responding incorrectly.
Did want to do a 2nd check in.
It has felt a bit like the vacation from hell here and NOTHING is really that wrong, but son is super cranky and its hard when they are just so uncomfortable. Of course our daughter has been challenged for attention this past yr so when he acts up, she doubles down. Dear Lord help me lol. Just put son for nap; going to spend a lottle 1-1 time with daughter.
Also just had messages from supervisor at child services. We are back in court for nephew late Sept., and services/law here says wr take him totally on our own no help (not possible for level of disabilityâŚwe have tried) or give up rights and have no say where he goes. I have now two meetings with another supervisor above one I deal with, and placement supervisor. I have said: i know the law, i get that our situation is SO unique but given all that WHAT can you do. Bc them playing the âwho me? Wr have no powerâ is so shady. Its not true when a judge defers to a powerful agency that is an institution that they have no say give me a break. Our family and my nephew deserve some help, something a little different to move forward. I am drafting letter to ombudsman, members of guv and news paper, will start a petition and see how it goes. Part of me says: Mira who do you think you are? You cannot control this, you cannot force the outcome. But there is that voice saying âyou are just one person, what can you doâ. Truth is maybe nothing, its not about who I am and I am just one little personâŚbut what is happening to my family is wrong and it is written in our laws. Parents who cannot care for their children bc they cannot afford their level of care for theif disability are being removed legally from parents and its irrevocable. My nephew is worth me writing some letters, and I have to go with what comes. This stuff is so triggering for me though. I do not feel likedrinking but feel i am vibrating. That is 3 dates one wrek after the other of these meetings where peopke say âyes we know its wrong so sorry but nothing we can do (edit) oh and hurry up and make a choice are you keeping him or givinf him upâ. Judge, lawyers, protective services all say yes its wrong its the law but when you oppose it they treat you like a petulant child. WELL I CAN PLAY THE PETULANT CHILD WELL AS ANY
Okay, sordy for that rant. Im just feeling it in my chest. Wish you all a beautoful rest of the day. Xo pray for me yaâllâŚmore so for the cottage weâre at I need this little vacay to turn around
Absolutely okay got it. Respond but dont ha e a convo on here Thabks for clarifying. I did read the rules, but things get lost in my brain lol appreciate the help! Xo
Morning Check In 
Went for an early workout and then relaxed watching Minecraft videos with my son. Just about to get this day going now. Its going to be a scorcher out there today 
so we are going to stay inside. Basically my day consists of cleaning, working on my DBT book, and relaxing with my boy. Hope everyone has a great day!
