Just let myself hardcore grieve the fact that my father let me down completely during my teenagehood of addiction. He saw I had a massive problem and just insulted and shamed me for it / didn’t say anything most of the time. I think he failed me.
Combined with the fact that I know he loves me immensely and always tried his best/ is at his heart a good loving father… it can sometimes be painful that people you love hurt you bc they literally dont know better. We talked about it and I understand him.
People try their best but it is rarely the best. The way loved ones hurt themselves and others bc of lack of understanding seems tragic to me. I let myself grieve it and cry hard and scream with the music turned up loud. I couldn’t stop it… I have work in an hour lmao.
Anyways its always good to release pent up emotions and release some long running resentment. I try not do overdo it. I need to stop now for the rest of the day or it’ll all be too hard (dealing with depression as well). I have now told all of my family about my depression and that I will see a therapist. They already know that I was /am a (sober) addict. I have also come out to everyone which was scary and hard as fuck but I did it. Im proud that Ive come a long way with being honest with my family!!!
There is no secret that Im keeping about myself from my family any longer.
Im proud of me. Its hard to be honest and find the courage to speak the words that you know will hurt the other person and cause them guilt. But thats all necessary and normal and everybody finds a way to deal with it, preferably healthily. Tomorrow I have my first appointment with a therapist bc I am good at therapizing myself but Im tired of it. It takes a lot of time, energy and effort. Why shouldn’t I get someone to help me and make my life easier? Hell yeah
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about myself in this community. I wasn’t doing great just now but the thought if sharing this in a community helped me. I can read about all your struggles and feel like we’re all in a boat. Love goes out to everybody.
We can only try our best. That’s why you can and have to always forgive yourself. Take it easy. Sobriety is freedom. Sobriety is peace. Sobriety is looking the world in the eye and going Fudge you Im not running.
Im here. Im proud of all of you.
Good morning all. Checking in on day 724. Been a rough few weeks at work but had last night off. Unfortunately was not able to catch up on any sleep as of yet, but that will come. Wife is very excited that she is starting to show now, and feel the little kicks. Been slowly getting the nursery together and a few Hogwarts items I’m sneaking into it! Very excited and nervous still as it’s approaching fast! Hope everyone stays safe and take care!
Having a chuckle about it now, which is a good sign …its a great way to guage situations you find are challenging…like will this be laughable in the future? Son is awake and in great spirits, eyes a bit puffy but says the ouchie is all gone.
We are in a reallg beautiful spot, a new spot on a little family adventure and some days are rpugh and tough, for the kids and me I always say after a not so great time or if its by bedtime and we abput to go to bed “lets try that again” or “tomorrows a new day, and we’ll try a little differently. You try X, and even mama will try Y”…it wasnt intentional that concept be connected to my teachings in AA or anything greater, but I just love the idea that hey today wasng the greatest bit you know what. Tomorrow can be different. Xo.
It sounds like you have had a wonderful, busy day but also like it took a lot out of you. I am sorry I am not sure of you mond me asking (only if you sharsd in previous post), the health challenge yoy have? Hope you are able to take some down time to rest your body, and take care of you. Sounds like though you had some great happiness with cousins. Xo.
We are here. We all know the shit feeling of waking up day 0, added layer of pain when you are trying to quit.
When youre ready, share with us what happened, what triggered you - if you feel it would help. Just want to reach out and hug you. All is not lost. Xo.
2.80 days clean and sober
It’ll be 3 days at 11:30
26.59 days no ciggs or vapes.
I’ve had one 2mg nic lossinge sence I woke up 2 hours ago
I keep buying them but I think it’s more of a, I think I need them other then, I do need them
I have them for peace of mind I guess
4 hours I’ll have 3 days sober
I feel great about that
Checking in this am, with an odd moment of peace and quiet as son and hubby are on the dock and daughter is still asleep. Usually up with 2 of 3 kids at 6am, and son and nephew are big noise makers. We hit the ground running in our house and you know what? Its tiring sometimes, but I try to cherish the stages of my kids bc…I can hardly carry my daughter anymore or nephew, soon they will be too big…my son is no longer a baby, but a toddler and it goes on and on. They wont be small forever!
Greatful for this beautiful spot, a nice cup of coffee and the chance tp start another 24. Hope today the kids are a bit better, but you know what they human too - we in a new place, super excited, lots of packing driving unpacking…gotta set it up to win today. Wishing you all another beautiful 24, and if the day is rough hang in there my sister/brother and let it out here or with a friend xo.
You’re 21. They cannot take your phone away on Saturday or any day. And you have nothing to apologise for. Your uncle is a monster and I’m sorry he did that to you. It wasn’t your fault.
Last night I had my first bout of alchohol cravings in months. My husband went out with mates and he was gone for a long while and all I could think of was going there to join them, get a few beers in me. I felt like I was missing out or something. I was also thinking about finding a late-night shop to go get a bottle of wine. I was so uncomfortable with myself and my surroundings and the thought of travelling back on Wednesday that I wanted a reprieve. An escape. I wanted to push that self-destruct button and forget everything.
But I didn’t. I distracted myself with work and chores. I did stay up late and woke up late. I am a bit depressed. I’m not ok. Not in the slightest. But I’m sober. And that’s enough.
Days PMO free: Day 11
Days with PS5 in the closet to close the day: 19
Days went to bed the same time with my wife: 19
Great week, surrounded by family and friends. Integrity, selfless behavior, and good time management also this weekend(THE RARE TRIFECTA FOR ME). Not sure if i’ve had all 3 of those things over the course of a weekend but i’ll take it. It’s not just about keeping my safeguards up, (which is critically important for being sober). I see that i’m committed to doing the daily work and that’s encouraging. No compromising, not one look, not one wandering thought…completely safeguarding my mind. I got up this morning and i just feel so grateful. I’m so grateful this morning. Had my nephews and nieces together last night, with my mother, sister, mother-in-law and wife all having a good time. Just looking at all of that, despite the ups/downs that everyone has, i’m so thankful and blessed. It’s also a reminder:
“You dont need to lose it to know that you had it good.” - John Mayer.
Just remember how fortunate i am to be where i am, despite my self sabotage tendences, i’m still standing, i’m still here. And i’m still battling every day.
My gaming addiction: I’m not cured, but i’ve kept the playstation in the closet for all of 2 hours in the past 2 weeks. I haven’t done anything close to this level of control in my entire life and i’m 42 years old.
My goal: Plan my days, watch out for my “default settings” trying to dominate me, focus on how i spend my time, eat plenty of protein a day (180g my goal) swim 3 times this week(M/W/F) Weight train 3 days (simple circuit training, dont go crazy) Read my bible daily at least 1 chapter with meditation.
My kind of day – especially on a Sunday. Glad to see you here with us checking in @zzz Congrats on your 30 days – grateful that the journey has not been to difficult for you. Keep doing what you are doing! @sabrina80 ooh – I hate getting sucked into the online hole especially at bed time. Sending you energy to deal with today. Hoping it’s a quick Monday! @mrsodh Yeah – first day of school – hope you are having a wonderful day. Looked fabulous as always. @juli1 So great to see you Jules – here is to a wonderful sober day! Happy Monday!! @scorpn my goodness that sounds stressful. I do hope you were able to get some rest and wake up refreshed. Hopefully some days off in your near future also. @brian1965uk WOW – well done on your 9 months my friend – that is absolutely amazing. Keep up the great work! @just_laura my goodness the weekend sounds insane. Grateful that you do have a good friend at work. I do hope things get easier for you with your new manage. I have not noticed the music but that does sound lovely. @rainy7 LOVE IT! So amazing how we do really change our moods from hour to hour – just keep that in mind when the urges or FOMO hits cause you know the feeling will pass. Glad you had a wonderful time out @starlight14 Love the number and seeing your girls beautiful face! Have a wonderful day my friend
@sobermedic I totally understand this feeling – I get them once in a blue moon out of the blue – glad that we don’t give it time to fester and are able to brush them off. Well done on your 79 days
I love this Mulan- good for you! Love that you are opening up and setting yourself free. Thank you for being a part of this community and on this journey with us. Wishing you loads of love and comfort! @mira_d I am glad to hear that the ouchie is gone. Love the concept of always being able to do it differently the next day. I am dealing with multiple things and still trying to figure out what most of them are (some testing scheduled in the next couple of months) the main issues are a constant headache, pain all over, excessive swelling and itching and CF. some days are easier than others. Lovely that you were able to wake up and enjoy some peace and quiet – hope that coffee tasted extra good!
Oh love – I am sorry! What an awful sensation – glad that you did not give in and yes just being sober is enough but I do want you to feel ok (actually better than ok). Big hugs Amy – I do hope you are able to talk these feelings out irl or here so that you don’t give them ammunition. Much love my friend. @CueBall8n9 how is the new job treating you?
Checking in on Monday morning…
a bit of a rough morning but the coffee is helping with the waking up part at least. I am going to do my best to get ready and spend a chill afternoon with my cousins today. i do hope it doesn’t get too hot outside as i really can’t handle that - one moment at a time. I am wishing you all a wonderful positively charged addiction free day - sending much love!
I think all this are good things. Giving it a try. And I think I already wrote it several times. I love love love my womens Kreuzbund meeting once a month. I need to go by train 1h but I will keep going.
Im proud of all of you.
…its a great way to guage situations you find are challenging…like will this be laughable in the future? Son is awake and in great spirits, eyes a bit puffy but says the ouchie is all gone.
. Good work on finding a therapist, hope it will be a good fit for you. Wishing you all success.
